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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry

47 replies

squidwid · 15/05/2023 13:02

In laws decided it was their place to tell me not to have a third child even though it's not been up for discussion. I find it bizzarre.

OP posts:
Quveas · 15/05/2023 13:04

Maybe not. But context is everything, and presumably someone ( your OH?) has said something to them?

Comedycook · 15/05/2023 13:05

Do you live with them?

Do they help you with childcare?

Do they help finance you?

Are you massively struggling in any way?

If the answer to these things is no then yanbu.

QueenSmartypants · 15/05/2023 13:14

Obviously yanbu and would be interested in the context

Daisybuttercup12345 · 15/05/2023 19:07

I'd be annoyed too. Has you partner been talking to them?

Original poster
squidwid · 16/05/2023 06:28

They help with childcare and help us financially but we don't need either.

OP posts:
Endlesssummer2022 · 16/05/2023 06:31

There must be more to this. Can you provide additional context?

Testina · 16/05/2023 06:32

squidwid · 16/05/2023 06:28

They help with childcare and help us financially but we don't need either.

I can understand why you take help with childcare that you don’t need, because sometimes that’s just about creating time with grandchildren.

But you’re taking the piss taking their money! 🙄🤣

I bet the context was pure meaningless conversation, like, “oooooh - don’t have a third! These 2 ran us ragged as it was today!”

FakeyMcFakeFace · 16/05/2023 06:32

This reply has been deleted

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Testina · 16/05/2023 06:33

Do they know you are taking money from them that you don’t actually need? And their time?
perhaps they were simply giving you sound advice because you’ve made it look like you can’t cope alone with the 2 you already have.

devildeepbluesea · 16/05/2023 06:35

squidwid · 16/05/2023 06:28

They help with childcare and help us financially but we don't need either.

So why are you taking it then?

I was about to say YANBU but before you can look them in the eye and tell them it’s none of their business you need to stop using their money and time to fund your lifestyle.

Lovingitallnow · 16/05/2023 06:37

There's a tictock or video or something that was doing the rounds of a granny that kicked off when they told her they were expecting and she said you can't be serious- you can't look after the ones you have.

Wilkolampshade · 16/05/2023 06:38

Maybe it looks like you can't cope with what you already have if they're supporting you financially.....

FloweryName · 16/05/2023 06:39

Be angry if you want, but they might have a point that a third child wouldn’t be sensible.

Testina · 16/05/2023 06:40

Hmmmm…
If a friend said to you:
”had my kids late 20s/early 30s and we were "young". We struggled and still are”
and:
”I have 2 dc (5) and since they've started school I've started to become broody again.
I can't stop thinking about it and whenever I tell myself it's time to stop and enjoy what I've got, I feel depressed about it. Everything seems pointless.”
and:
”I'm permanently tired. I've had my bloods checked and everything is ok.”
and:
”Not really taking care of my mental or physical health. I just need a rest but can't afford it. I'm either with the kids or at work.”

Then what would you say if they talked about having a third child?

londonrach · 16/05/2023 06:41

Yabu. They don't want to do childcare on a third. Stop taking their money and using them for childcare then have a third and pay for childcare

GoodChat · 16/05/2023 06:41

I'd be telling you not to have another if you were relying on me for money or childcare too. Why would you accept it if you don't need it? Particularly the money.

Endlesssummer2022 · 16/05/2023 06:44

Well now you’ve mentioned the childcare and money, they have every right to be concerned. You say you don’t need it but are taking it anyway? That sounds odd.

If you insisted on going ahead, I’d move further I way if I were them.

Original poster
squidwid · 16/05/2023 06:48

They gifted us a car but we didn't need it if that makes sense.

I'm having trouble with work and need to switch jobs. She has come to the conclusion that I want more children when in reality I don't. I'm just pissed off with her comment - sure, she can say whatever she wants but it wasn't nice or kind.

OP posts:
gymorgin · 16/05/2023 06:48

This is a very odd post.

Can you really not understand why they may have said that?

Interpretation- Don't expect anymore childcare and money if you have a third as it's exhausting looking after two when you don't really need it anyway.

Tooyoungtofeelthisold · 16/05/2023 06:49

Tbh when you having children makes their life harder, I think they have a right to say.

Why on earth are you taking their money and precious time if you don't need it?

SD1978 · 16/05/2023 06:52

I'd stop taking their money, relying on them for childcare, and give back the car......then you can tell them that they have no rights to an opinion, and haven't 'bought' the right to make one.

Theunamedcat · 16/05/2023 06:54

So you weren't even discussing another child? Just changing jobs?

What a random leap to make

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 16/05/2023 07:00

squidwid · 16/05/2023 06:48

They gifted us a car but we didn't need it if that makes sense.

I'm having trouble with work and need to switch jobs. She has come to the conclusion that I want more children when in reality I don't. I'm just pissed off with her comment - sure, she can say whatever she wants but it wasn't nice or kind.

If you don't actually want another child then what actually is your problem? Stop using them for things you don't even need and they might answer differently ffs.

Achwheesht · 16/05/2023 07:02

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

RedHelenB · 16/05/2023 07:03

squidwid · 16/05/2023 06:28

They help with childcare and help us financially but we don't need either.

So they have a right to an opinion then.