To be angry

[squidwid]

In laws decided it was their place to tell me not to have a third child even though it's not been up for discussion. I find it bizzarre.

So stop accepting stuff you don't need.

Not when OP and her husband haven't actually suggested they want a third child.

Have a 3rd child just to spite them <sarcasm>

Don’t accept it then, tell them you don’t need either and sort yourself out

But why deliver an opinion on something that isn't even an issue? It's like suddenly announcing that they don't think you should take up pottery, or you don't think they should move house, when it hasn't crossed their minds to do either.

And just giving people presents, even generous ones, doesn't confer a right to interfere in their life decisions.

Sometimes family say things that aren't 'nice' or 'kind'. Being nice and kind is easy. Acquaintances who don't really give a shit can be kind.

Sometimes it's the people who really care who have to be brutally honest.

It was my own mother who looked at me after the birth of my second child and said 'Holly, you mustn't have any more'. She had seen me with crippling sickness throughout, compounded by terrible mental health. It felt blunt, but she was right.

Would you tell your relatives and friends that you aren't going to accept presents any more because you don't need them? And you can bet telling them they're off the babysitting list won't go down well, either.

Would you tell your relatives and friends that you aren't going to accept presents any more because you don't need them?

A car (which is what we're talking about here)? Aye, I would absolutely tell them I didn't need - and wouldn't be accepting - a car.

I’m not sure that they haven’t, though.
As OP has declined to add the context or actual comment.

She has had 3 threads in the last 2 months about wanting more children. It’s perfectly possible I think that it’s obvious to the in laws. I mean, their own son might have said, “yikes, she’s broody” to them and they’re concerned. Couple that with posting a lot about not liking your job… I expect that the in laws aren’t making a big leap here 🤷🏻‍♀️

Epic drip feed?

But why deliver an opinion on something that isn't even an issue? It's like suddenly announcing that they don't think you should take up pottery, or you don't think they should move house, when it hasn't crossed their minds to do either.

It's not. It's like taking up pottery as a hobby, asking people to buy you loads of expensive equipment and take time out to watch you make bowls, then giving it all up for a bit, leaving the equipment and pottery lying around their house, to then do it all again a couple of years later, then giving it up again, and then not wanting any more of your shit plates.

Mine never helped out like yours did but my MIL also told me not to have another child for no reason. None of her business. It made announcing the next pregnancy extra sweet.

Mine also told me that they couldn't afford for me to have another child. We'd never asked them for money, ever, and they made it clear when we had our first they wouldn't be available for babysitting.

Although they managed to babysit BIL's son all the time, and I expect if he'd had another they'd have been able to afford that.

We had another anyway.

Jeez, what does it matter? Maybe they have a point, maybe they don't. We don't have enough context to go on. But people can have an opinion, and you can ignore it. It's not as if you're pregnant with number 3 and she's told you to get rid of it.

maybe she feels she has a stake in this decision because she is providing childcare? why are you letting them buy such huge expensive gifts for you if you dont need them? sit down the two of you with the two of them. thank them for their past generosity but say please no more big gifts and if they do then you will not accept them/return them. All of this is in your hands. if people are over involved in your life its because you let them be and then its no wonder that because they feel they have some skin in this game that they can then make comments like this.

If this is the case then it’s reasonable for the ILs to make the leap that a third child is in the cards.

If they’re assisting with childcare and giving financial assistance, then they have a say. If you don’t want them to have a say you need to stop accepting their help.

I read a thread on Reddit recently and it was a woman who was unhappy that her sister was pregnant with her fifth child.

initially I thought she was being an AH but it transpired that the OP was bankrolling the couple following intense pressure from her family and the pregnant sister expected this to continue and was fuming when she found out it wouldn’t.

im not saying the two situations are similar but don’t want people to have an opinion on your lives? Stop allowing your life choices to impact their lives then.

I'm still fuming after my mil mentioned that if me and my (now ex) split that he wouldn't see our dcs. Err you what?!! Where did I even say he wouldn't or couldn't? It was out of blue and we got on OK so never knew where that one came from.
Just let it go. Wish I'd said something at the time but was so taken aback that I didn't bother. Sometimes people just don't think about what they're saying. Maybe she blurted it out before thinking it through. Bloody rude though. Shame yous didn't say something like "I'd never advise someone on their life choices unless they asked for my opinion"

Massively over stepping the line, tell them to keep their nosey massive beaks outta your business

Sounds like yr parents r has said something to them, unfortunately by taking their money and using them for childcare u r giving them them reason to comment.

If this was a one off comment you really need to let it go. Sometimes people say things that are wrong but they sound incredible kind and supportive 90% of the time.

stop accepting their help then?