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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to buy the house?

121 replies

WatchingBenidorm · 15/05/2023 07:37

Firstly I am fully aware that this is a very first world problem that we are extremely lucky to have.

I’ll try and keep this short. I would really like opinions as I genuinely don’t know what to do!

It’s me, DH, 3 DC age 10,8,6.

Current house is nice size 4 bed detached, open plan kitchen diner, living room, 2 bathrooms and one en suite. Medium size but very manageable garden (big enough for shed, 8 seat table and chairs, 12 foot trampoline and a climbing frame with a little grass to spare. Off-street parking for 4 cars. Lovely quiet road, great neighbours and a short walk to primary school and to likely secondary school. DH works from home, currently in the garage but if we stay we are planning to swap the shed for an outside office building with storage. We did a huge amount of building work in 2017 including all re-wiring and new boiler so no work to do for the foreseeable.

We have no mortgage on this house.

A house locally has come up for sale and we love it. Absolute tip of a house, the entire place needs re-wiring, re-plastering, all plumbing works done, new kitchen, new windows, new floorboards in some rooms, around £25k worth of work on the roof alone. A lot of the light switches are marked ‘do not use’. There is only one bathroom, plus two separate toilets and one of the three toilets does not work. Most of the house is not double-glazed, what has been done has mainly been nailed to the inside of the existing window. We could still walk to both schools but would be a longer walk (25min as opposed to 15).
BUT it is a massive house, 6 large bedrooms upstairs, 4 reception rooms downstairs so we would have the possibility of older relatives moving in if needed later on. The plot is just over an acre and has the most amazing garden, part lawn part woodland with some very rare trees and a mass of bluebells at the right time year. I am a forest school leader and looking to qualify as an outdoor therapist to work with adult and young people and this would be perfect for that. One side of the plot borders a community farm project which looks after 14 acres of protected land, so lovely open fields and no chance of this being built on.

In order to buy house 2 we will need to take a mortgage again. Our builder estimates £250k to do the main works required to make it safe and suitable to live in. So we would be borrowing around £300k. This is affordable but repayments would obviously have an impact on our day to day lifestyle. Plus every spare minute would be spent ‘doing up the house’ to minimise cost of getting professionals in.

Would you buy the dream house (that is currently a nightmare) or would you stay put in the safe, risk-free house and enjoy lots of disposable income and saving for the future?

OP posts:

FearMe · 15/05/2023 18:56

Don't move. Speaking as someone living in a money pit with a massive mortgage and 2 teens who will probably be gone in 5 years, leaving us in a big house with a big garden that we really don't want to be maintaining. We did a massive job on it about 15 years ago and I really don't think I could ever do something like that again, it's exhausting!
I'm so so sorry we didn't buy something newer in a well serviced location with a smaller garden. We would probably have it paid off and not have to drive the teens everywhere which it's a huge time suck.😔
But you do whatever you feel is right for your family in the long term.

Whinge · 15/05/2023 19:08

@WatchingBenidorm How did the viewing go? Did your dad put you off, and if so can we all have a link? MNetters love to nosy at an interesting property.

MumsnestOfVipers · 15/05/2023 19:47

Just sticking my oar in again to say that children are fine with dust and mess and chaos. I grew up from a very young age with renovations and loved it so much that I've spent my life doing them. I actually like having builders around, as they're even more company in the madhouse, and my DC always got on very well with them (they were there so long that they became quasi family). A lot of whether a big project is a good idea or not is to do with your general approach to life.

I would shrivel up in a bog-standard 'done' house, though lots of people on here regard that as their "dream scenario".

I think I'd like to be friends with Alleycat

Ungratefulorunreasonable · 15/05/2023 19:53

My heart says do it, do it, do it. HOWEVER we're 5 years in to our dream house renovation and OH MY GOSH I would not do it again unless I had absolutely tonnes of cash. We found additional issues on moving in that needed immediate remedying and ate up significant amounts of our budget (and it already needed the work doing you've described!).

It does sound amazing but I'm just so sick of living in a project.

Ungratefulorunreasonable · 15/05/2023 19:55

And this was not our first renovation either! And I grew up in renovations. I am now so sick of them. But I'll bet 6 months after we're done I'll be itching to move again 😂

Peachypips78 · 15/05/2023 20:01

We have just done this exact thing - finished lovely sensible house with normal garden to crazy falling down house with land (18 months ago). However, my kids are 15 and 13.

I love it, but it's utterly exhausting and the costs just escalate- whatever you are told it will cost - double it. We can only afford to continue to renovate as we have a holiday let on the land so are able to do the work with the profit each year.

Every spare minute I have in the summer is in the garden just stopping it from going mad without actually making it nicer if that make sense! I work 3.5 days a week.

If you run out of money can you live with it unfinished for years?

TiaraBoo · 15/05/2023 21:51

I’ve downsized after splitting with exDH (kids are teenagers) and it’s absolutely refreshing to have no mortgage and be able to save for university, do up the house, plan holidays, not be too stressed about the cost of living crisis.

Cnidarian · 15/05/2023 22:07

I grew up in a house/reno like this. It was disruptive but the end was magical. The land sounds spectacular and the way you talk about it, well you know the love of old houses, you get it or you don't. It sounds like you can afford it, I say live your dream!

Essexgirlupnorth · 15/05/2023 22:22

Would you even get a mortgage on it. I friend was buying a perfectly normal house but the survey came back saying the electrics were dangerous and bank wouldn't lend without them getting the wiring fixed first.

I don't think I would but then my husband has taken six weeks to fix a leaking shower. Would you be living in it while doing it up? That would not be fun. There was a house we looked when we bought ours was very cheap but had a weird layout and needed alot of work done. 6 years on and still having work done to it.

Alleycat1 · 15/05/2023 22:29

@MumsnestOfVipers Thank you for the compliment!

thebear1 · 15/05/2023 22:38

I wouldn't because your current home sounds like my dream home, but if you want a project and the lifestyle that will bring go for it.

FatFilledTrottyPuss · 15/05/2023 23:08

My parents bought a huge run down old vicarage when me and my siblings were a similar age to your dc. It hadn’t been lived in for years and I still remember the feeling I had when we went to view it when I was 6 years old. It was grey and dusty and quiet and absolutely magical to me. There was dry rot, a pool complete with frogs in the cellar, rotten windows which all had to be all replaced. We had Jack Frost on the windows every winter for years until they put in all the double glazing but i barely remember any of the renovations, I just loved living in a big old spooky house and I feel so so lucky that I grew up there.
I think you should do it, your children will love it!

MacarenaMacarena · 16/05/2023 00:34

I knew people with children who did a similar project - they bought 2 second hand mobile homes, placed them on their land 15 feet apart and made a big decking with a roof between. Plenty of room for everyone! It wasn't such a rush then, their temporary home was great!

Dontworkmondays · 16/05/2023 01:22

Buy it, your family is still young to enjoy growing up in it. £300k isn’t much of a liability to take on for a dream house. Go for it or someone else will.

suburbophobe · 16/05/2023 01:29

^It’s me, DH, 3 DC age 10,8,6.

We have no mortgage on this house.^

Sounds to me like an amazing place, why give it up?

With 3 kids at that age, I would not be looking to move right now.

VonThorn · 16/05/2023 01:34

I'm an optimist, I like going for things, I would be head over heels for the outdoor space you describe - I can absolutely picture the life you imagine there.

But I agree with the majority here - no. Not the money, but the time that it would take, that would take you away from everything else, and your DC are the exact wrong age for that. There is so much potential for an incredible amount of longterm stress.

Sorry OP - I hate stepping on a dream!

BobShark · 16/05/2023 11:36

Omg! I would absolutely buy this house, it sounds incredible, however I love an old period wreck, restoration and the space and lifestyle that would come with a home like this.

I have some experience of managing large project works on houses, if you believe it can be managed well and withing budget, with a contingency I really would go for it.

It's a lifestyle you are buying, not just a house.

Crystaltipsvariation · 16/05/2023 21:40

When I split with my ex my only option to get enough space a large plot and a nice location was to buy a basket case. The house hadn’t been touched since 1975 most of the electrics were condemned and it had a G energy rating. Even worse the kitchen was 8 feet by 6 and the previous owners kept the fridge in the garage. The second winter was hell half the house was open to the elements and we had no kitchen for many weeks. A lot of supply issues with glass and other building materials ( an 8 month wait for glass). I have also done as much of the work as I can myself obviously not electrics or plumbing to keep to my budget. Now into my 3rd year it’s getting there the new kitchen is fabulous although there is a way to go. But my children are students so no stranger to squalor and they helped me. And I am lucky enough not to have a mortgage. Would I make the same choice again? Yes I would but it’s been very challenging at times and that’s with a lot of supportive friends. If you really really want to do this then go for it. But be utterly realistic about the true cost and time scale as prices are volatile and don’t underestimate the work involved.

CalatheaHoya · 16/05/2023 21:50

Stay put for sure. Your current house sounds fine and you can use all the spare time/money you’ll save by not doing masses of building work by doing fun stuff like enjoying local nature, being outside with the kids and living life!

1mabon · 18/05/2023 11:36

Clearly you are doubtful otherwise you would not be asking others for their opinion. As you say very first world problem, If you can put up with all that ness with three children and can afford it and can afford to run it in the future - utility bills??? etc. good luck to you.

DepartureLounge · 18/05/2023 13:17

I mean, on the face of it, you'd have to be nuts, but I'd do it. It sounds like an amazing project and I'd love it if you'd post a link so we could all have a nosey too!

The only caveat for me would be to ask if your marriage is solid and both of you are on board with doing it, because a house like this will be worth less before it's worth more iyswim, if everything goes tits up and you have to sell again.

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