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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect school to let DD use a laptop?

38 replies

bushandflo · 14/05/2023 18:11

DD clearly has some kind of issue, she brings home her school books and rips out pages and has to rewrite them or redo them and has done since she started year 7 (she is year 9 now) I didn't think too much of it at the time because she would always say she didn't like that she had to scribble and rush and wanted to just get the chance to redo it and found it relaxing and good for her to go over stuff. Her art teacher actually got annoyed at her about it because he said it's a rule that they don't restart their art and he can tell she has because her art book is so thin.

To be honest, she isn't able to stay on top of it now and is ripping pages out and sometimes not even redoing the work, so I've told her to just leave them in there then and she's like "I don't want to" and that's that. Teachers then being confused because they saw her doing work in class, etc but when they go to mark there's nothing.

I feel things would just be much better if she could type? But school have said they can't just say ok to that without valid reasons. I'm not even sure why DD is doing this, she's really vague and not open about her thoughts and feelings at all

OP posts:
tinytemper66 · 14/05/2023 18:12

bushandflo · 14/05/2023 18:11

DD clearly has some kind of issue, she brings home her school books and rips out pages and has to rewrite them or redo them and has done since she started year 7 (she is year 9 now) I didn't think too much of it at the time because she would always say she didn't like that she had to scribble and rush and wanted to just get the chance to redo it and found it relaxing and good for her to go over stuff. Her art teacher actually got annoyed at her about it because he said it's a rule that they don't restart their art and he can tell she has because her art book is so thin.

To be honest, she isn't able to stay on top of it now and is ripping pages out and sometimes not even redoing the work, so I've told her to just leave them in there then and she's like "I don't want to" and that's that. Teachers then being confused because they saw her doing work in class, etc but when they go to mark there's nothing.

I feel things would just be much better if she could type? But school have said they can't just say ok to that without valid reasons. I'm not even sure why DD is doing this, she's really vague and not open about her thoughts and feelings at all

You can request she has a DASH test,which will allow them to see if she needs to use a laptop/Chromebook for extended writing.

MrsHamlet · 14/05/2023 18:12

Does she have a laptop she can take in?

Butterflybutterflies · 14/05/2023 18:13

Agree with asking for a DASH assessment so they can at least see if she has a difficulty with writing fluency.

TheSnowyOwl · 14/05/2023 18:14

You say she has an issue so I think you need to get to the bottom of it to see whether a laptop can then be agreed as a suitable adjustment for her.

Smartiepants79 · 14/05/2023 18:14

I think you need to start by figuring out why she’s doing it in the first place.
School are correct that adjustments such as a laptop are not something that’s usually agreed upon just on the day so of a parent. It needs to be backed up a specialist recommendation and maybe an IEP.
Was she doing this before this year?
Does she have any other issues with school? Or accessing the curriculum? Are there any recognised special needs?

electriclight · 14/05/2023 18:15

Our school wouldn't be able to provide a laptop.

We used to be able to apply for funding for tech to support SEN children who would benefit from using it (recommended by medical professional or Ed Psych) but the bar is so incredibly high now that we haven't been successful for some time.

We would allow a pupil to use a laptop from home if we agreed that there was a learning need, but the pupil must be responsible for it and proficient at using it (faster than writing).

bushandflo · 14/05/2023 18:16

Never heard of a DASH test! But just Googled. Do I ask the school about that?

She has a laptop that she could bring in, yes, but obviously no point sending her in with it as it won't be allowed without arrangements.

Just not sure how to get to the bottom of it when she just refuses to give any kind of explanation that's further to what I've already said. One of her teachers wouldn't allow her to take her book home with her and she went back and got it and her teacher called me about it. It's genuinely quite a nightmare. Is there any kind of explanation that seems obvious here?

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Smartiepants79 · 14/05/2023 18:16

Laptops are an expensive piece of equipment. School will not have an endless supply. You’ll need to prove that the resources are necessary for her. It’s possible there are but there’s going to need to be some more assessment done to find out.

bushandflo · 14/05/2023 18:18

She has been doing this since year 7, but it just wasn't much of an issue, as she would always redo the work and then leave it. This year she isn't staying on top of redoing the work, which is obviously just time consuming for her, so I see why she doesn't want to, but that's why I've told her to just leave what she has done at school but she won't...

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Hercisback · 14/05/2023 18:18

You need to get to the bottom of the pages thing.

Id start by taking it very seriously. If you can afford a private Ed psych appointment, take her to one.

The laptop is a sticking plaster for whatever the real issue is.

bushandflo · 14/05/2023 18:19

No other issues with school and she has no additional needs. She is in second top set.

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Hercisback · 14/05/2023 18:19

It sounds like some sort of perfectionism issue which isn't really solved by a laptop.

MrsHamlet · 14/05/2023 18:20

The laptop is a sticking plaster for whatever the real issue is.
Definitely this. We routinely DASH test everyone so we'd pick up speed issues but this sounds more than that.

SarahSmith2023 · 14/05/2023 18:22

@bushandflo

I'm not sure it's the same for your DD, but for me it's about everything looking 'nice'. Perfectionism. My Dad was a really lovely man who I miss very much, but he was a real perfectionist & expected me to always present my best work.

id regularly restart/redo school work & spend a lot of time on the presentation.

im still a nightmare for notebooks & presenting paperwork now.

could it be this?

Boxeduplikechickenchowmein · 14/05/2023 18:22

I used to do exactly what your dd is doing,the reason was I wanted my notebooks to look pretty and when I would take notes in class I would rush so my writing wasn't very nice.at some point I had two notebooks one for school one for home.i still have my history notebook from year 8 I was so proud of it.Im 32 soon lol

SarahSmith2023 · 14/05/2023 18:23

Oh & a laptop wouldn't solve the issue for me as I need to physically write things down, but your DD might be different.

minisoksmakehardwork · 14/05/2023 18:24

Your dd sounds like a few who I've worked with. They are such perfectionists that even the slightest blot or mark in their book other than what they've intended, and the whole lot does. These are children with social and emotional mental health needs and many are adhd and autistic.

I would ask for an assessment of your dd's handwriting as suggested with a DASH. I would also ask the send department for support as well - this is not normal behaviour. It might be that your dd is struggling to articulate her thoughts on paper, or cannot put the idea in her head in paper - I struggle with that and if it's not what I see mentally, I get incredibly frustrated and end up going through pages and pages.

bushandflo · 14/05/2023 18:26

Yes I always thought it was just a perfectionist thing and that's why I didn't think much of it for the last couple of years, just don't understand when she knows she isn't going to have time to redo it she still rips out the pages and would rather her teachers be moaning about it etc and her being told off for doing nothing when actually it's the complete opposite?

Is there anything I can actually do to help her with this? She is a bit like it with texting as well, will be googling correct sentence structures and where to put commas for specific things, all before texting her friends? Her reply is always just "I like doing it" but wether she likes it or not, it's clearly an issue... especially the school stuff

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PollyPeptide · 14/05/2023 18:27

Have you actually seen her written work? Is her writing so bad that she needs to rewrite things? In the past did you compare the work she'd done before and after the ripping out? Was there a lot of difference? Presumably the teachers will have looked at writing she produces in class. Does anyone see how she's writing as a problem?
Or is it purely her opinion that it isn't as the level she'd like it?
Because I think those are two different problems.

bushandflo · 14/05/2023 18:28

Her writing is never bad. Even her quick, rushing handwriting is completely readable and perfectly fine. Her neatest is extremely neat and like print, so there's a bit of a difference (school actually prefer her quicker writing because it's joined, the neat one isn't, she doesn't care)

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TidyDancer · 14/05/2023 18:35

A laptop won't solve this from what you've said. It sounds to me like possibly anxiety based (my anxiety presents a bit like this at time) or maybe even (as a PP said) ADHD or autism.

Is there anyone your DD would open up to?

JudgeRudy · 14/05/2023 18:37

I agree
ADHD and/or dypraxia/dyslexia might mean she can't get her notes written or organised quickly enough. ASD/OCD means this will cause her considerable distress and anxiety.
It's also going to make revision very difficult.
A laptop might help accomodate her needs but first it needs to be recognised.

dapsnotplimsolls · 14/05/2023 18:39

This needs sorting before Y10 when all notes will be needed for revision. I'd speak to the SENCo for further advice.

LolaSmiles · 14/05/2023 18:41

Like others have said, a laptop won't solve the root cause even if it temporarily makes things better. The same behaviour could also manifest in a laptop eg. Obsessing about the alignment of text, which font looks best, do the tables sit perfectly, are any graphics positioned perfectly.

When I had a student who did this we spoke to the SENCo and arranged for further assessments and an EdPsyc visit, although that was back in the days where we could call on a range of allied professionals and know our pupils would be seen in a reasonable time frame.

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 14/05/2023 18:44

Agree with the above. It sounds very much like a form of OCD brought about by perfectionism. Unlikely to be resolved by using a laptop and wouldn't usually be allowed without a formal diagnosis of cognitive production of the written word issues, which she clearly doesn't have.
I agree with speaking to SENCO and taking it from there. Good luck!