I'm really ugly

[sadsally33]

And it's things I can't change easily.

I have awful, yellow teeth. I brush regularly and have a good dentist but they are just discoloured and wonky.

My hair is flat and lank. It's fine and greasy so I have to wash it pretty much daily but even after all the time I spend washing and styling it it always looks crap.

I am overweight. I could lose weight. I've done it before and it makes me feel better but the other issues feel so unfixable I just think what's the point. Plus I love food.

My face is wrinkly and haggard and doughy.

Im only 37 and I feel I've aged so much in the past few years. I hate how I look and dread to think how much worse it'll get as I get older. I try not to get hung up on it and I instill in my children that looks aren't everything but my god I feel shit.

I've considered Botox but it doesn't last. I get my hair done properly maybe twice a year as it's all I can afford with trims in between. None of it really matters I still look awful.

How can I come to terms with this? What can I do to make myself feel better?

You do sound down on yourself, and I agree with a lot of the wise words on here. Losing a bit of weight will really make you feel better fast and stopping drinking is a quick start for that. Just wanted to add that if you feel you need that pep talk to start, there's someone called Hannah I follow on Instagram who has a feeding tube and a facial disability and I've found her completely inspirational for fitness because she's all about just move for ten minutes to start with... her life story is pretty inspirational as well, but I just like her energy and sense of humour and lack of focus on her disability, and she made me realise that actually I have a lot going for me and I'm not doing the best with it. If you're feeling down you might find that sort of input more helpful and realistic than some of the other fitness apps out there...

Teeth, weight and hair can be changed. Skin probably too to some extent.

Hi, it's called retricides, and it's available from a Spanish pharmacy online.

Sorry spelt it wrong, it's retirides *!

Teeth whitening kits can make a huge difference, even the over the counter ones. As for hair, maybe a different hair dresser can advise you as to the best style - it is really worth asking for advice as they are often really great at seeing what will work for you. But it sounds like you are in a cycle of beating yourself up. Building in some things you enjoy - breath by the window for a few minutes, do some mindfulness, listen to a piece of music. By doing something nice for yourself and good for you, you can start to feel better and then build on that.

Members of my family have done really well on collagen power or tablets and mushroom complex - both improve hair massively and signs of aging.
Relative in 80s had thin hair and deep lines - 3 months of collagen in their cereal and their hair was thicker and longer and facial lines had noticeably “filled in”
Worth a research? It is expensive at £30 odd quid a month but there might be small alterations you can make to what you spend at the moment over the month?
One thing would be to introduce it gradually as if you start with the serving on the packet it can upset your stomach to start with

Firstly, I bet you are not ugly, at all.
Secondly these threads occasionally pop up and the OP mentions husband and children and I always think, well you can't be this ugly then if someone married and procreated with you.

I understand OP. I am your age and a very ugly looking woman.
Very flat and lank hair which gets greasy easily, massive nose, long face shape, flat chested and abnormally small ears. Also have a dwt face and double chin despite not being overweight.

Following this thread and sending my support x

fat

Have you got any money? If so your dentist can fix the teeth.

A hairdresser can fix the hair; a fine pixie cut would never look drab and lank.
Colour it for fun.

No money?

Cut by talented friend... DIY colour.. very cheap
You can lose weight.
You can change your expression, your outlook, how you respond to people.

Some great tips on the thread!

I'd say it's a mindset thing to start with.

Start a doc in your phone and write in everything you like about yourself and your apearance. No, stop it - 'nothing' is not allowed!

'This strong body created and brought x babies into the world

These kind hands care for them every day

This loving heart is creating x terrific kids/teens

These bright eyes are watching them grow

I have rather nice feet'

Keep going - every single thing you could possibly think of.

Look at it and remind yourself every time those weasel thoughts creep in. Think 'no - THIS is how I think about me, now: This amazing woman is going to spend some time and care on herself too now, because she deserves it (see above)'

It doesn't have to be the huge expensive join a gym / buy obscene priced skincare / new wardrobe mountain.

Start inside with good food, water, less sugar and processed stuff.

Get enough sleep.

Move with purpose - walk, stretch, do a morning workout (there's a lot on You Tube)

If you've the budget, a shop for yourself:

Shampoo and conditioner just for you, not the family

Teeth whitening kit

Facial scrub, moisturiser, sunblock, serum - Liz Earle has a lovely range, and so do Superdrug

Handcream and clear nail varnish for hands

Foot cream and a bright colour polish for feet

Good quality razor

Body lotion with a little fake tan in it will do a subtle build up

The right lipstick and a mascara work wonders

Perfume - every day, not for special.

Make time for you to use and do it all. Once you've established a routine you can zip through it.

And get a good pro bra measuring appointment - I just did and bought some very pretty new ones that DO the job!

I know some will say why should women have to spend and do all that stuff - you've asked for our opinion so this is just mine.

Turn the self-critical focus down a bit, it's a waste of energy and time and can be a bit of a drain. Be interested in others, smile, listen, focus on them, ask, share advice, radiate and be a light of wisdom because you know a hell of a lot others don't. Also you'll know you look and smell rather nice.

I kind of lost my way when 60 arrived, but I'm doing a lot of this work myself, after receiving some great ideas on my own thread. A little self-shop and pampering is a great pleasure. Enjoy. You've got permission. From yourself.

I'm reading this post - even the Roald Dahl quote - and it's giving me the biggest sense of déjà vu. Anyone else? Och, it's probably just me getting muddled up with another poster.

To start your not 'ugly'. No-one is! I notice a beautiful coat or lovely scarf before anyone's face!

For teeth it's 'opulence' teeth over night whitening. It's fab honestly. Best worked with a retainer . I got mine from SLEEP PRO. Best my teeth have ever looked.

For thinning hair, I take wilkos own brand hair skin and nail vitamins. I genuinely noticed a difference in my nails in 2 weeks. I couldn't believe the difference and only cost £2.50! After a month had to shave my legs twice as often lol

When you 'veg out' eat hummus with carrot sticks or a nice bunch of grapes instead-just as satisfying when your watching telly mindlessly eating.

Every advert break do sit ups on the sofa. A Hour long programme has 12 min breaks...add that up over a day it's a full work out!

(And you said about your friend-her secret is CONFIDENCE!)

@JFDIYOLO Great Post! I feel like you need to do this as a living!💖

I just wanted to pop in and recommend Aveda Pure Abundance range as it has really helped my fine greasy hair to have more body and be less lank. I just use the shampoo and conditioner.

I don’t think getting a hobby or drinking more water will make a lot of difference. But weight, teeth and wrinkles can be treated and that makes a big difference. Even one of those things would!

When I got divorced at 50 I grew my hair, whitened my teeth and had Botox on my frown lines and I looked much better. I am not particularly high maintenance so I don’t keep it up so much any more but when I look back at the photos from then I look like a different person. I’m very ordinary but the overall effect was better.

I so appreciate all of the tips and advice. I really do. I've already checked out a few of the recommendations for hair and skincare. I think a few tweaks and a bit of self care will go a long way. I do struggle to make time for appointments like hair and teeth whitening but if there are little things I can do at home it's a start.

To answer a pp, yeah I do drink. Not every night but maybe a couple of nights during the week and dh and I always have wine and a takeaway at the weekend. It's silly because I know these things contribute negatively to my weight and appearance (not to mention my health) but I still view them as treats. We have very little help with the dc and don't get out often ever so having these 'treats' at the weekend feels like a reward and differentiates it from just another day.

The weeknight drinking is usually only after a stressful day and one or two gins just takes the edge off. But long term I know it's not helpful or healthy.

I don’t think getting a hobby or drinking more water will make a lot of difference.
I find this statement a bit sad- you feel better then that’s the main thing in life. Op sounds down, whether it’s about looks or whatever doesn’t matter as much as putting a spring in her step and feeling better about life in general

Things that make a big difference to me are…

• Get my nails done every 3 weeks, toenails every 6 weeks. It’s a bit pricey (around £90) a month, but well worth it. Not only do I feel better but it gives me a bit of ‘me time’.
• I found a hair stylist who really knew what to do with my hair. After years of rubbish hairdressers, I now spend £70 every 2-3 months on a decent cut from someone who knows my hair type and actually listens to me.
• I get my hair coloured as and when, I find with a decent hair cut I’m not needing it coloured half as often as previously.
• I add self tan drops to my moisturiser. Clarins do self tanning facial drops, the small bottle lasts for months as you only need a couple of drops for a nice glow.
• Buy more expensive clothes, shoes and bags. High quality makes a difference, it’s far better to have an £80 pair of shoes that are beautiful and will last you a long time, then lots of pairs of £10 primark shoes. It also makes it easier to dress yourself when you reduce your wardrobe to only nice things that you know suit you.

Hope that helps OP :)

I don't know what colour your hair is but mine is fine and tends to be greasy, blonde highlights dry it out and thicken it up and some dry shampoo or dust it powder to fluff it up a bit, really easy and you won't have to wash it every day. Elvive extraordinary clay is good to give you a few more days as well.

Something like Pixie glow to brighten up your complexion, I alternate between clinque moisture surge and a heavy retinol moisturser I got in home bargains for 2 pound and my skin is the best it's been in years.

Try and lose a bit of weight if it makes you feel better. I'm in the same boat with that though it's hard to get started.

Get your eyebrows done and if you're not a big makeup person even just a bit of BB cream- I've been using erborian it's quite pricy but the small one has lasted me a year I just use a tiny bit of it mixed with a bit of moisturiser for daily use.

@JMSA I left a very similar thread a while ago and someone posted that quote

I am overweight. I could lose weight. I've done it before and it makes me feel better...

....I think I just don't know how to take care of myself...

...I don't exercise or cook...

... after a day of running round after the kids and working it's a lot more tempting to veg in front of the tv with crisps and gin than it is to want to workout...

OP, I haven't highlighted these quotes to be nasty but just to reflect back at you some of the things you are saying about your health and lifestyle.

These things - they have an impact on your appearance.

Your body isn't happy because it is not getting the nutrition and movement that it needs. That shows on the outside.

The good news is that this really isn't all that complicated to turn around, you just have to move a bit more and eat a bit less (and try to eat more vegetables and protein rather than carbs). Stop eating processed wheat-based rubbish like crisps and biscuits and eat real, whole foods instead.

You don't need botox or surgery or any of that stuff, you just need to take care of your body properly.

It is within your control to change this - you have to take the first step.

There are lots of tips here about teeth and beauty etc, but I also think you might feel better if you find a way to value yourself that is not about appearance at all.

Do you work? What do you do to get out of the house? Do you have skills you can use or improve? Whether it is cooking or painting or volunteering for a community group or park run or whatever, maybe if you find something to get out and see people that will help you feel better.

I work from home and have done since covid. This has definitely led to unhealthy habits and makes it so I basically live in leggings and hoodies. Now that it's getting warmer I'm actually worrying about what to wear that won't highlight my lumps and bumps.

I know a lot of this is down to a poor lifestyle. And it's only me who can change it, it's just hard getting out of a rut.

On the positive side I've been and bought some of the Nivea tinted moisturiser and some nicer (well nicer than id usually buy) hair conditioner. And had a long walk with the baby.

On the hair front I also have fine, oily, flat hair. I got a loose perm! So much volume and I only need to wash it every 4-5 days. I use a bit of dry shampoo in between and it looks fab, like someone else said it somehow looks better on the in-between days. Saved loads of time on trying to get volume with the hairdryer every day. It’s not for everyone but a voluminous option you might not have considered.