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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think 3 pets is too much for a solo person?

73 replies

ojaynein · 13/05/2023 22:24

Hi, I am currently seeing someone and they have 2 cats and a dog. It's very early days, but was thinking about this (haven't been to his or met them yet). I have one cat myself which I personally think is plenty, I work full time but obviously living alone the company is nice, etc. I'm certainly not judging anyone's choices in a negative light but I suppose I worry about things like finances going onto it, is being restricted in what we can do if things progress etc. I

Is this something that would rule that person out for you? As I'm honestly considering going that route but don't want to be too quick because my first thought is "that's too much for just"

AIBU?

OP posts:

WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 14/05/2023 10:03

If I was newly dating someone and they finished with me because I had two cats and a dog and they were worried about how it would affect future finances, I'd think I'd had a lucky escape. You'll make yourself look peculiar.

doubleoseven · 14/05/2023 10:15

Pet's can be very tying. Spontaniety not really possible, he'd never be able to stay over at yours for example. The main problem really is you both have pets. Could cause problems in the future, not many lone cats would appreciate being suddenly forced to live with unknown cats and a dog if you get to the point of living together. If you're just dating for fun though then not really a problem. The number of pets isn't the problem though, it's the fact he has a dog as they obviously can't be left alone like a cat can.

Modda · 14/05/2023 10:17

Bathroomlove · 13/05/2023 22:33

I don't think the pets are going to be the problem here, but I think you should stop dating him.

I agree with this

nilsmousehammer · 14/05/2023 10:20

One can never have too many cats

Ain't that the truth!

Buildingthefuture · 14/05/2023 10:26

Sounds like you are fundamentally incompatible. I had way more pets than that when I met my now DH and I managed just fine. If he had had a problem with my pets, I wouldn’t have given him the time of day, because we would obviously have wanted different things and had different priorities.

Ollybob · 14/05/2023 10:28

So that's why I'm forever single!
Currently have three cats, a hamster a gerbil and two tanks of fish!
If you're trying to find problems where there isn't any I can't see this relationship lasting tbh.

Onelifeonly · 14/05/2023 10:32

This is the strangest dating question I've ever heard! If you like this person and think there's potential there, at least wait till you know the impact of the myriad, sorry, three pets on their life.

My uncle and aunt had many pets - cats, dogs and donkeys. My parents often talked about how ridiculous it was but hey, I guess my aunt and uncle were happy about it.

BitOutOfPractice · 14/05/2023 10:33

I’d be reluctant to get involved with someone with a dog. I wouldn’t want to go down the “can’t leave the dog” route which I know happens a lot because it would restrict spontaneity and flexibility.

not sure there is a “too many pets” cut off number though. And if I really really liked someone, I’d bend rules anyway.

BarefootbyMoonlight · 14/05/2023 11:01

Some people shouldn’t have even one pet, others can manage lots, just depends on the individual really.

If all pets are happy & well cared for then that’s what’s important, not the overall number.

I suppose ought to add owner happy & managing too in there somewhere 😄

I’ve 2 atm & at this point in life couldn’t take on another probably, in the past though I’ve have had up to 5 & DS has always had a menagerie.

Knew someone who shouldn’t have been trusted with a pet rock much less anything requiring food, water or care.

kitsuneghost · 14/05/2023 11:10

I wouldn't date someone with animals.

Sewingdufus · 14/05/2023 11:34

You are being ridiculously judgey. Your attitude would make me reconsider seeing you.

SunnySaturdayMorning · 14/05/2023 11:40

Having any pet at all would rule them out for me. I don’t want to be stuck by an animal.

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 14/05/2023 11:44

I am a single mum of 3 kids and have 6 pets, also dog sitting at the moment. So it all depends on the person I suppose.

ladydimitrescu · 14/05/2023 11:53

He needs to run, fast - what a bizarre way to think.

Chesneyhawkes1 · 14/05/2023 12:09

When my husband met me I had 4 dogs and 2 horses. Luckily it didn't put him off 🤦‍♀️

BelleMarionette · 14/05/2023 13:03

Yabu. I have a single friend with a lot more pets than that. She looks after all of them well. She has no children.

There is no arbitrary rule for too many pets. As long as they are well taken care of, it's fine.

sophiasnail · 14/05/2023 14:30

Goodness, when I met my wife I had 3 dogs, an assortment of different rodents, a very large fish tank, Chinese painted quails, 2 budgies and a hedgehog. I'm obviously lucky she didn't reject me straight away!

crabbyoldappletree · 14/05/2023 15:19

Could be worse, he could have three children...

JudgeRudy · 14/05/2023 15:33

You can chose to date or not date anyone for any reason but you need to accept that it will reduce your 'pool' of 'acceptable' partners. It can also be pretty jarring when someone one does the same to you.
If I was looking for a relationship through on online dating I'd have several contra indications. A profile pic with a dog would be a swipe left from me....as would dependent children, shift work, disabilities, house sharing, non drivers, smokers etc.
I don't think there's anything wrong with owning 3 pets if your able to adequately care for them but yes it does take a commitment in terms of finances and time.
I guess it depends how much you like this man and how much of a problem you think it would be. If he earns more than you and you live in a rented room I'd say the finances shouldn't come into it if the relationship progresses to living together. If you think your cat wouldn't 'fit in' with his pets that could be an issue. I wouldn't like to live in a home with dogs in it but if your looking for a boyfriend rather than a live in partner this might not be a problem. How does having the dogs impact atm? Can he come and stay at yours for the weekend or go away/stay out overnight without plans. That would bother me. I had a cat and my neighbour would feed her.
Only you can decide.

TedMullins · 14/05/2023 15:39

Ultimately you can rule out dating anyone for whatever reason you like but personally I think this is a stupid reason. that’s just my opinion though. Only you can decide whether it’s too many pets for you, it obviously isn’t for him!

JudgeRudy · 14/05/2023 15:40

Dozycuntlaters · 14/05/2023 08:59

Blimey, I have a dog, two cats and tropical fish. I did not realise this could make me undateable. What a bizzare thought process.

It doesn't make you undateable but it can restrict options. It's on all the dating apps along with age, religion, kids, smoking, and body type. These are the most common filters that people often have strong opinions on.

Scalottia · 14/05/2023 15:42

What a strange thing to worry about. YABU.

Stompythedinosaur · 14/05/2023 15:45

A very weird thing to care about. I can understand not wanted to pursue a relationship with a person who likes to have pets when you dislike pets, bit an arbitrary pet limit when you also have a pet is very strange.

Also, cats are social animals, so having a couple is much more reasonable than having a solo cat.

I can't see much difference between one and three pets tbh.

phoenixrosehere · 14/05/2023 15:53

YANBU

It is something to consider. There’s nothing wrong with taking the future into considerations and more people should do so when going into a possible relationship. For some people that would be a dealbreaker and for others they would be fine.

Nothing wrong with it either way nor is it judgemental.

BitOutOfPractice · 14/05/2023 15:54

This is the thing though, pet people cannot understand the OP’s POV. Non-pet people can’t imagine a life with pets.

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