People who change the subject when you are having a conversation

Helptonight · 2023-05-13T12:33:18+00:00

Just that really. My husband has a habit that when I am chatting about something he'll just interject with some random thing. Example: Me: This crazy thing happened at work today, Susan decided to break in to song during a work meeting - it was nuts we were all so shocked! Husband: Really? Me: Yeah we all couldn't believe it! Husband: I think there's something wrong with my car, I've booked it in to the garage. ???? This is an example but it happens constantly, talking and then random change of subject. His old boss said the same about him once in a performance review. I said his boss was correct, he said sorry I didn't realise I do it. Maybe he's not interested in my work story (entirely possible 😂) but it happens all the time. If I correct it he says sorry but it's so infuriating especially if it is actually important chat (about our kids etc...) Anyone else experience this?

towriteyoumustlive · 13/05/2023 13:35

I do it a lot.

I don't mean to. It's an ADHD thing - I just suddenly remember something and come out with it.

It doesn't mean I'm not listening. I am. It's usually something just popped into my head, probably triggered by something someone else just said, and I say it out loud!

misskatamari · 13/05/2023 13:35

You’re not being unreasonable. It’s showing a real lack of social awareness and empathy. I would feel very unheard and dismissed if my partner did this constantly and would need to discuss it and find a way to navigate it so he could try and stop doing it, or I could see it causing issues. Part of being in a relationship is being there for each other and at least listening to the other person, even if it’s not something you care deeply about

WhatNoRaisins · 13/05/2023 13:38

I'd find that really awkward too. It would make me feel that they aren't interested or hadn't really been listening and I'd give up on what I was talking about.

MrsHaaland · 13/05/2023 13:38

My husband does it all the time, so annoying! I started doing it back and he called me out on it and I pointed out that actually he does this all the time and it's really annoying. He understood and agreed but still does it constantly, I've come to think it's something that he just can't help and doesn't even realise he's doing it.

MissyB1 · 13/05/2023 13:39

Yep my dh does the same. Or just as annoying, he will just not respond when I tell him something, I mean literally blanks the conversation. I point out every time how rude he’s being and he just says “I did hear you but didn’t have anything to say”. Ermmm…still rude!

Twoshoesnewshoes · 13/05/2023 13:39

Sometimes I do this though. My DP and one of my friends do tend to rattle on about irrelevant work stuff involving people I don’t know. I find it boring and a bit rude, so usually interrupt with something that involves both of us.
apologies if that’s not the case here, just thought I’d offer an experience from the other side.

Original poster

Helptonight · 13/05/2023 13:40

Usually I would just be like 'oh right we've moved on from my story' but he's just done it again while I was saying I'm thinking of changing careers next year. Mid convo he said 'Steve' at work was in a right mood yesterday.

🤯

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roseopose · 13/05/2023 13:41

My soon to be ex does this. It means he isn't actually listening to what I'm saying and/ or is so disinterested that he is thinking of other stuff and just wants me to shut up. Its really depressing and has made me lose a lot of confidence in myself.

Original poster

Helptonight · 13/05/2023 13:44

Oof it's rubbish but happy to hear I'm not the only person that suffered from this! Like I said if I bring his attention to it he is instantly sorry but it actually hurts when its a serious conversation.

... And I agree work stories can be tedious!

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Original poster

Helptonight · 13/05/2023 13:45

@roseopose sorry to hear this 😔

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BrendaMcPherson · 13/05/2023 13:46

MissyB1 · 13/05/2023 13:39

Yep my dh does the same. Or just as annoying, he will just not respond when I tell him something, I mean literally blanks the conversation. I point out every time how rude he’s being and he just says “I did hear you but didn’t have anything to say”. Ermmm…still rude!

My husband is the same. I'll tell him something, or make a comment and he stays silent. It really pisses me off.

roseopose · 13/05/2023 13:48

I view it as well that he thinks what he has to say is more important so I'm welcome to chatter on until he thinks of something to say then I've got to shut up instantly mid sentence and talk about what hes suddenly thought of/listen to him. He's also done it when I'm talking to a friend and he's just cut across her mid sentence asking me what's for dinner. Couldn't understand why that was rude. If someone is bored of another person talking there are more polite ways to navigate that than just start talking about something totally random. Its disrespectful.

Original poster

Helptonight · 13/05/2023 13:48

@BrendaMcPherson oof this as well! I often get the 'oh no' whilst he's looking at his phone, I say what's up? Continues to look at phone silently

Aaagghhhhh

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TheSoapyFrog · 13/05/2023 13:49

I'm afraid I do it too, and I am diagnosed with ADHD. Sometimes something pops into my head or something someone says reminds me of something and I just say it out loud without realising. Sometimes it's something that I know I'll forget if I don't say it and I can't wait.

I really understand how frustrating it is, and I do work hard to keep myself in check.

I have a friend who also has ADHD and our conversations are always going off on tangents or we just stop mid sentence and drift off.

briansgardenshed · 13/05/2023 13:51

With some friends we both do it. The conversation is all over the place and we rarely finish anything - but it's great. Lively and fun. And actually normal conversations are more like that than we realise. (And many a drama has made a feature of that sort of dialogue). But it is a question of degree.

Original poster

Helptonight · 13/05/2023 13:51

I wondered if it is a tech thing, like we're so distracted it makes us unable to focus on normal conversations anymore but I think he's been like it since we met

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Original poster

Helptonight · 13/05/2023 13:54

By the way I'm not suggesting for a second I've never done it! Just its so noticeable when its actually something that's important (I supposed to me?)

Also those of you with ADHD totally understand its a part of your symptoms

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ImthatBoleyngirl · 13/05/2023 13:57

TheSoapyFrog · 13/05/2023 13:49

I'm afraid I do it too, and I am diagnosed with ADHD. Sometimes something pops into my head or something someone says reminds me of something and I just say it out loud without realising. Sometimes it's something that I know I'll forget if I don't say it and I can't wait.

I really understand how frustrating it is, and I do work hard to keep myself in check.

I have a friend who also has ADHD and our conversations are always going off on tangents or we just stop mid sentence and drift off.

Another ADHD-er here! As above and I don't do it because I'm not interested in the other person.

I'm a hypocrite though because I HATE it if someone does it to me 🙈

tallsmallmum · 13/05/2023 13:58

roseopose · 13/05/2023 13:41

My soon to be ex does this. It means he isn't actually listening to what I'm saying and/ or is so disinterested that he is thinking of other stuff and just wants me to shut up. Its really depressing and has made me lose a lot of confidence in myself.

snap. I refused to put up with it

Original poster

Helptonight · 13/05/2023 13:58

@briansgardenshed yes I agree lively conversations are great and Iove the nature of these interactions but if I'm expressing the fact I want to change my career (I'm unhappy where I am, feeling bored and demotivated/depressed) I don't think knowing about 'Steve's' bad mood is pertinent to the discussion 😂

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Original poster

Helptonight · 13/05/2023 14:00

@ImthatBoleyngirl 😂

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WashAsDelicates · 13/05/2023 14:17

MissyB1 · 13/05/2023 13:39

Yep my dh does the same. Or just as annoying, he will just not respond when I tell him something, I mean literally blanks the conversation. I point out every time how rude he’s being and he just says “I did hear you but didn’t have anything to say”. Ermmm…still rude!

Dh does this. So frustrating!

FlamingoYellow · 13/05/2023 14:17

My exh does this!! It's never really bothered me because I don't think he does it on purpose. If anything I find it quite funny! I would probably feel differently if he was doing it only to me and because he didn't care about what I had to say.

One of my DC is currently having speech therapy and the SALT mentioned that DC also does this a lot, so it obviously runs in the family 😂.

Blancmangemouse · 13/05/2023 14:23

I have to admit, I know I do this with my mum.
It’s because if I don’t she will babble on recounting her day in boring detail - “and then, I thought to myself, why not go shopping now, and pop into the chemist on the way home, so that’s what I did, and in the chemist I bumped into Mrs Brown, you know our neighbour Mrs Brown who used to babysit you when you were small, that Mrs Brown…”

And so I am afraid I am guilty of doing what your husband does. Are you guilty of monologuing?

Original poster

Helptonight · 13/05/2023 14:34

@Blancmangemouse I guess we're all guilty of it but what if she was telling you something that was important to her i.e. not idle chit chat?

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