People who change the subject when you are having a conversation

[Helptonight]

Just that really. My husband has a habit that when I am chatting about something he'll just interject with some random thing.

Example:

Me: This crazy thing happened at work today, Susan decided to break in to song during a work meeting - it was nuts we were all so shocked!

Husband: Really?

Me: Yeah we all couldn't believe it!

Husband: I think there's something wrong with my car, I've booked it in to the garage.

????

This is an example but it happens constantly, talking and then random change of subject.

His old boss said the same about him once in a performance review. I said his boss was correct, he said sorry I didn't realise I do it.

Maybe he's not interested in my work story (entirely possible 😂) but it happens all the time. If I correct it he says sorry but it's so infuriating especially if it is actually important chat (about our kids etc...)

Anyone else experience this?

I don’t know, I probably do it even when she’s saying something that’s important to her.

I mean I wouldn’t do it if she was telling me about more objectively important or interesting things, like if she’d had a bump in the car or discovered an old family photo album.

But to be brutally honest I may well divert the conversation away from her friend Julie’s daughter’s husband’s cancer diagnosis, or the latest telephone conversation with British Gas, even though she may consider them important.

I think there is a difference between genuinely needing to get something off your chest, or sharing something that is likely to be of interest and consequence to the other person on the one hand, and generally prattling on and recounting your day without thinking about the relevance to the listener.

I have a friend who does this, but only if we are out having a walk. I will be mid-sentence and she will break in with 'oooh look at that flower, new food stall' etc and start inspecting it and talking about it. Massively annoying.

Ok so trying to understand this more, genuinely as this may be what my husband is doing - when you say divert, what are you diverting the conversation to? Something more upbeat? I only ask as he tends to do this when we speak about illness or what I would consider more emotional subjects

My ex you to do this to me in company with other people. He was quite blatant about it and would say “nice weather we’re having” to change the subject if I was talking. He felt the need to police my discussions with other people, and stop me if I transgressed some unwritten etiquette of his own.

The most recent times were with my own brother, my daughter and his brother. The reason for changing the subject with his brother, was because my BIL was telling me about what he does about the house including cooking and I was asking how often he cooks. Needless to say my ex would rarely cook.

it’s really horrible because you are in the middle of having a lovely conversation and it’s as if someone comes along and throws a bucket of cold water over you.

When we were talking by ourselves he mostly couldn’t be bothered to listen, or would say ‘I’m not going to argue with you’. I would be stopped dead in my tracks because as far as I was concerned we were just having a general discussion/chat. But again I realise it was just a way to shut me up.

It sounds like your husband just stops listening to you, his mind starts to wander and then he says what he’s thinking. It is rude. I think you need to come up with a phrase that reminds him what he’s just done as soon as he says it. it could be as humorous as you want “sorry where does the connection from my job prospects and Steve at work come from?”, “I’m so sorry, I guess Steve at work is much more important than talking about my career, do tell me more about Steve”.

It's not intentional. This is one of the reasons I don't socialize much as I worry about saying the wrong thing. Especially when you get comments like one poster has said saying it shows lack of social awareness or empathy.

@Isheabastard

How about 1,2,3 you're back in the room 😂

Seriously though that sounds awful, like he was almost jealous of someone else having your attention?

Ah that could be it then, maybe he is uncomfortable with that sort of conversation.

By ‘divert’ I just mean bringing the conversation back to the here and now and something we can both contribute to. So I might bring up the topic of our next meal, or what’s on in the local Theatre, or my sister’s latest news.

I do tend to do it when mum goes on about illness. She is at an age when a lot of people who knows, and their partners are getting diagnosed with various ailments and dying. Most of her conversations with her friends seem to be about health, quite understandably because this is an important issue for them, but I don’t want to hear all her friends’ health complaints and hospital procedures. If it was my mum’s health, that would be different. But other people’s - no thank you.

It might partly be because my mum has in fact had quite a few health scares and thankfully got over them - and I just feel I can’t take any more health talk than is absolutely necessary.

Has your husband been a listening ear to a lot of emotional stuff recently? Or maybe just not that comfortable talking about emotions?

By the way though I do think you’re onto something about the digital age and attention span.
There is a positive explosion in diagnoses of ADHD in all age-groups and I’m quite sure screen time has something to do with it.
(I meet all the typical criteria for adult-woman-with-adhd that we hear so much about, but I was never as bad as a child, I think it’s most likely a tech thing.)

Yes, being easily distracted and inattentive. My DS, DB & late DF all do/did same. I am by far the worst culprit, even still I used to get really hurt and easily dejected when DF did this but now I see it wasn't because he didn't care enough, which is what I thought.

I know someone who does this all the time. They have mild learning difficulties and I think they have difficulty following conversations. Their mind wanders and they just interject with a remark about something unrelated but usually about themselves.
Once I realised this I try to include them a bit more, but it isn't always easy.

I voted YANBU,
Mind you, at least you received a 'really' in response!

@Helptonight -you are of course completely right. There are times when it's all part of the ebb and flow of conversation and times when it just isn't appropriate.

I don't mind it generally but I hate it when, for e.g. someone does it in a toxic positivity kind of way:

e.g.

Friend: How's work going?
Me: It's all been quite stressful actually, there's a merger going on and I don't know if I'll have a job from September. I feel quite worried about it.
Friend: Oh. How are DH and the girls?

So many people do this, I've noticed. I've just put it down to me being boring & longwinded. At this stage of my life, I've made peace with it

I can't stand it tbh.

Is anyone else watching the eurovision song contest tonight?

My teenage son does it all the time and has ADHD. My DH does it too and its a big issue in my house. it's one thing if you jump to another aspect of the persons story like say someone is talking about their job and you ask how they got on a medical appt or something. But IMO it's mostly just bad manners when they cut across someone's story to divert the conversation back to them. Which is what my DH and son do. Which is why I don't bother telling them much anymore.

😆

@MontyPyth0n 😂😂😂

@Blancmangemouse I definitely notice it more with emotional discussions. For example he has ongoing issues with family members and I do not push him to talk about it as I know he feels uncomfortable with this. Sometimes he will open up about it and I will listen and ask questions but I know my boundaries and don't press him for more info.

I've actually just realised one I have, a relative of mine will often only talk about stuff that is in the news. Example, during the Coronation was going on and on about Harry and what what Charles must be feeling and how sad about Diana etc...and I had to say enough! I don't know these people and I don't feel sorry for them. Its like they just repeat every headline as if it's gospel and not planted by their PR. That stuff I cannot listen to for long!

I have to say I have seen and read a lot of people are being diagnosed with ADHD in recent years

one of my friends does this to me alllll the time. Even if it’s a subject she has brought up or a question she asks me, it’s guaranteed that she will cut me off and change the subject while I’m responding. It really irks me.

my ex would do the same. He only did it to me so I knew he did it to low level tell me that what ever I was saying was unimportant. Just one of the many reasons why he’s an ex 😂

i think there’s a difference between meandering conversation and someone who simply cannot have a conversation that centred around them.

Only you are going to be able to judge which camp your husband falls in to.

My STBXH is in the latter camp. It’s annoying and embarrassing, and indicative of his inability/unwillingness to look beyond the end of his own nose or care about anyone but himself. It feels qualitatively different to just meandering conversation.

Another ADHD’er here and yep totally one of my symptoms and I would say one of my biggest faults. I literally cannot help myself, it comes into my head and I blurt it out and as I’m saying I even think to myself “BE QUIET!!!”

I know it’s my ADHD, yes it’s a symptom but Christ it must be so annoying for people

OP...next time he does it, don't pussyfoot around him, just tell him he's being fucking rude! Because that's what he's being!!