Need some advice :( not sure what to do !

[Troubledwaters34]

there is so much back story to this I have changed my name and will make sure some details are changed.

back story
ex Boyfriend has a child from previous relationship ( young primary age )
he was granted full custody after some mental health issues and allegations on both sides. She has always stuck by her claims but all reports / / social services deemed her the culprit and him the victim.
recently we fell out over some red flag situations and I immediately ended things. Things have been anything but normal since.
lots of guilt tripping / not letting go / contacting friends and family of mine / threatening to report me for random things if I stopped engaging in things. Sending big gifts. Telling me he needs to talk as his worried he will do something stupid.
he also became very jealous of a friend ( who is a bloke ) has become obsessed with the idea that I have got with him and moved on and started a new life ( this is not true ) it’s been less than 2 weeks since I told him to leave.
yesterday he tried to contact me - he needed me to help with DC, I Ignored. He then over the course of the day spiralled until he told me that my friend had messaged him horrible things and then sent me a thread of a conversation between him
and my friend.
the conversations basically was my friend telling him he needed to leave me alone because he wanted to sleep with me. How he didn’t care about me but that he wanted sleep with me. Calling me names etc then also calling ex son names and then telling them to go kill themselves.
he was replying to the messages like the good guy, defending me telling friend how much he loves me etc
he then begged for me to talk to him and rang me, he said he was in a bad way. He said after he received my friends messages he thought about killing him self because the messages made it sound like that’s what I wanted. He cried and cried.
It turned out the whole conversation with him. He had found my friend on social media stole his pictures made fake accounts and had a 2 way conversation with him self.
I have cut him off completely and getting my locks changed tomorrow, am I being over cautious ? I’m so worried :(

Jeezzzz. He sounds like a right nutter! You are right to take precautions. Did you mention the situation with his child/ex because you now strongly suspect that he fabricated the circumstances in order to get custody?

@Domino20 my head is all over the place. I honestly have no idea what to believe now :( I feel so guilty for even getting in to this situation ! I have no slept in days waiting for his next step.

Have you blocked him on everything?

This is stalking and harassment. You can report him to the police. You can also get support from womens aid because it's abusive behaviour. I'd also be reporting to social services because if he's telling you he's actively suicidal then he's not in the right place to be caring for a child by himself. I'd go to a solicitor and get a letter sent to him saying he needs to stop contacting you. Police can serve him with a pin notice to leave you alone initially and you can get a non mol order potentially.

@Ilovetea42 thank you I think I have just been worried everyone would think I was over reacting because he has not actually don’t anything.

OP what are you actually getting from this relationship? This has more baggage than Heathrow airport. Do you really need it in your life?

@YouWonJayne the relationship has ended …

He doesn't need to physically harm you. There is much better awareness and protective legislation around stalking harassment and gaslighting coercive control etc now so police have more powers to act. Do you have text messages from him that are threatening etc? I would be inclined to keep a record of contact from him because it builds an overall picture.

Yes I have everything kept. I know my house keys are missing I have doubled locked so you can’t get in with a key but obviously can not do that when I’m out. I am having the locks changed.

You need to go to the Police with this.

Hi @Troubledwaters34 just read your post, sorry you're going through this xx
He's full of grief and doing all these weird things to win you back which is totally wrong.
Keep a note of everything.
You will get through this, sending you lots of strength and positive vibes xx

Please go to the police but make sure to mention the ex. Also social services to say you now think his story to gain custody was not true. Unless you know of reasons his ex should truly be denied custody of her child. It does seem courts are easily taken in by abusive men!

I hope he didn't use fake evidence in the custody battle.

So sorry you have found yourself in this situation op. You're not being over cautious! What he did was incredibly manipulative. Once your locks are changed, could you maybe go and stay with someone you trust for a few days just to be able to relax a bit and get some sleep?

Why do people get into relationships with people that have so much baggage?

https://www.paladinservice.co.uk/get-support

You should be able to find info & support here.

The most dangerous time is often after a relationship has ended. You are not over reacting

@Swrigh1234 so anyone to happens to have a child and has a rocky relationship in the past doesn’t deserve to ever be able to have another ?
he didn’t have baggage he had a son.

his behaviour wasn’t baggage as it only became apparent later on.

It sounds like a nightmare for you op. I can't really add to anything that other posters above haven't said.
Can you afford a cheap CCTV camera from Amazon that goes directly to your phone?
I have one that sits on my inside landing windowsill, but faces onto my driveway. I can view it on my phone as any movement sends me an alert to my phone. It was £20 on Amazon and has an amazing picture and sound, day and nighttime.
You could perhaps look at getting one so you can see outside from the safety of your home, or wherever else you may be.

This is very alarming. The threats of suicide but actually I think the fake conversation with your ‘friend’ is even worse as that’s not a throwaway comment; that would have required a lot of time and patience to pull off.

This needs to be reported ASAP.

I would avoid entering a relationship with someone who has children already.

You need to take the is to the police. Especially as he’s escalating. And has your house keys.

You need to report this, as it is likely his ex was in the right and he is an excellent gaslighter- but you have definite proof he is unhinged.

Because 'baggage' does not mean they are carrying a plague. I know of someone who married a man with a traumatic past, they have been together for 20 years now and happily married.

You're definitely not overreacting and good that you're getting your locks changed. Your keys missing could be coincidental but I'd be inclined to stay in until they've been changed.

To helpful PPs giving insightful comments about not getting involved with people and their baggage - we all have a past. Abusers are skilled at rewriting the narrative so that they appear to be the victim. It's so unsupportive to wonder belatedly why a perfectly kind, intelligent, trusting human being might perhaps believe someone at face value.

Why not? I am happily married and have a child from a previous marriage. What has having a child got to do with this? The man is unhinged, child or not