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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shamelessly posting for traffic - wedding related

33 replies

Damnthebj · 12/05/2023 23:12

I am in a quandary as to which wedding to book… Please can you help?

Both are destination weddings. DP and I are not the same nationality. Both choices are 5 star hotels with excellent wine and food. I will not mention cost of each, as this is not the deciding factor. Second time round for both of us.

WEDDING A

Best way to describe it would be a sophisticated beach wedding. Absolutely magical setting, in a country neither of us are from. But my DParents live locally. This would likely be the smaller of the two choices, perhaps 20 guests as I am not sure if DPs friends and family would travel. It would have to be in September of this year, which leaves me with 4 months to plan it. Only, I am leaving on an extended work trip tomorrow that will likely only end a week or two before the proposed date. I am not sure that my parents would travel to the other destination, as they are old and not keen on traveling much. If this option gets chosen, I believe we would have to have a registry wedding int he country he is from for my residential status. This is not a deterrent, just another thing

WEDDING B

Beautiful city location, and I have picked a time when it’s at its best, in March of next year. I would estimate the guest list to be around 50. It is in the country that DP is from, but not where we live. I have many friends in the country too as I have tried very hard to integrate and settle. However, I am not sure if my DParents would make the journey. As with most spring weddings, the weather is not guaranteed, but I would have more time to plan.

I cannot decide but need to as deposits are needed shortly.

Any wise insights welcome…

OP posts:
AngryBirdsNoMore · 12/05/2023 23:15

Are your parents being difficult, or have they good reason not to travel?

CountMushroom · 12/05/2023 23:18

Why the rush with Wedding A, and why not find a third option where your parents could travel to? Or do Wedding A next September, not this?

Changingplace · 12/05/2023 23:19

How important is it for you to have your parents there?

Wedding A isn’t really a wedding if you’re having to do an official separate registry office as well.

Fiddlerdragon · 12/05/2023 23:21

Yabu

AngryBirdsNoMore · 12/05/2023 23:21

CountMushroom · 12/05/2023 23:18

Why the rush with Wedding A, and why not find a third option where your parents could travel to? Or do Wedding A next September, not this?

This too

Original poster
Damnthebj · 12/05/2023 23:22

Good questions! @AngryBirdsNoMore My parents are nearly 90, and my father has a slow growing but constantly recurring prostate cancer tag makes planned travel difficult for him. It’s not just here they can’t travel to, its pretty much anywhere.

@CountMushroom wedding A would be this summer as we are due to go at that time anyway. It cannot be next year at the same time as I need to submit paperwork in July with the marriage reference to continue some career development in DPs home country

OP posts:
Lysianthus · 12/05/2023 23:23

Wedding A

fbnono · 12/05/2023 23:23

A

Original poster
Damnthebj · 12/05/2023 23:24

@Changingplace I would like to have them there, it would be my preference. As yet, they are not aware that any of this is happening. I could be wrong about having to do the registry thing again too - it might just be easier to have it for the sake of paperwork

OP posts:
AngryBirdsNoMore · 12/05/2023 23:25

Damnthebj · 12/05/2023 23:22

Good questions! @AngryBirdsNoMore My parents are nearly 90, and my father has a slow growing but constantly recurring prostate cancer tag makes planned travel difficult for him. It’s not just here they can’t travel to, its pretty much anywhere.

@CountMushroom wedding A would be this summer as we are due to go at that time anyway. It cannot be next year at the same time as I need to submit paperwork in July with the marriage reference to continue some career development in DPs home country

Oh gosh that info about your parents does swing it.

I’d suggest a wedding celebration near your parents would be nice then. Maybe plus a celebration of the official registry wedding on the day of that too. If DP is ok with his friends and family possibly not being there.

pizzaHeart · 12/05/2023 23:27

It’s difficult to choose without knowing why relatives won’t travel. However I wouldn’t opt for the current option A. It has too much ‘buts’ : too close, too small plus requires another registration.

pizzaHeart · 12/05/2023 23:30

Sorry I’ve just read your update and it changes everything : of course the option when you can celebrate with your parents is better.

snitzelvoncrumb · 12/05/2023 23:33

Wedding A.

Original poster
Damnthebj · 12/05/2023 23:36

@pizzaHeart thank you for your posts. It was unfair for me to say that relatives wouldn’t ravel, I should have said they would be less likely to. Wedding A would be a plane ride away, albeit to a very desired location. I am not sure how many would actually come.

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 12/05/2023 23:36

Are either of you bothered about their set of parents coming? If he is and you’re not or the other way around it swings things a bit

Original poster
Damnthebj · 12/05/2023 23:38

@user1473878824 both of his parents are dead. One sibling would definitely come, and that is great. His other sibling is very unwell, and unlikely to be able to come to either

OP posts:
SmurfHaribos · 12/05/2023 23:39

I am not sure what your AIBU is so o haven’t voted but I like the sound of wedding A.

Gazelda · 12/05/2023 23:39

I'd choose A. There wouldn't be any other option for me.

AnonyMenOhPee · 12/05/2023 23:40

Wedding A and find a local wedding planner

Pyui · 12/05/2023 23:43

The wedding in A wouldn’t be legal anyway?

So have a registry office wedding in his country with lunch in a restaurant after for his close family/ friends and then go ahead with the celebration where your parents live

Original poster
Damnthebj · 12/05/2023 23:53

Sounding like i need to start the diet asap! Thanks for the feedback..

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 13/05/2023 00:00

Ah, sorry @Damnthebj

Aquamarine1029 · 13/05/2023 00:03

Of course option A. Your parents would probably be very sad if you got married elsewhere.

Ilovetea42 · 13/05/2023 00:04

I would do option a if your preference is to have your parents there and then maybe celebrate with any of his family who can't make it at a later point?

Mamai90 · 13/05/2023 00:04

Definitely A.