To feel sad that my family isn't staying with me for longer

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

My husband, kids and I live overseas, the rest of my family live in the UK. My sister, BIL and niece are coming to visit for a 2.5 week trip but only staying with us for a week. We rarely see them due to the distance and great cost of flights. The last time they were here was 4 yrs ago.

They will be with friends/doing their own thing for the rest of the trip, just a few hrs away from where we live. My son's b'day is also during that time, they have never been with us for any of my kids' bdays so I had hoped they would make an effort to be here for his bday. But my sister didn't even seem to remember that it was his bday, and when I mentioned it she never said anything about being sorry to miss it. They never sent a gift for my other son's last b'day either. I've never really felt they've taken much interest in our kids.

I guess I'm just hurt that they wouldn't want to spend more time with us? I wouldn't want them to not see their friends or do their own thing, but to be gone more than they are with us is getting to me.

I will also be 35 weeks pregnant while they are here, and my sister gave me a guilt trip about using one of our vehicles while they are here. While I think we can make it work, it's not the most convenient to give someone else a vehicle for 2.5 weeks, especially as I will be far along on my pregnancy. Only for them to take the vehicle and not bother to spend time with us.

My husband says I'm probably overreacting because I'm pregnant and emotional and that this is their trip and they should spend it however they like. I do agree, it's just previous trips they have been here it's been the same, just rushing around doing recreational activities while I feel like an afterthought.

We live in an area where there are a lot of outdoor recreational options, and all of their visits have occurred while I've either been pregnant or newly postpartum, so I haven't felt up to much. Which I understand they won't want to sit inside all day long, but I've felt like my sister and her husband are more interested in doing all the fun things and not spending time with us. Basically just using us to enjoy the location really. One time they were visiting and I wanted to tell my sister that I was expecting. She was with her then boyfriend (now husband) for every minute of the trip. So much so that I didn't even have a single moment just the two of us. I literally had to pull her into the toilet with me so I could break the news. Of course I don't expect her not to spend time with him, just that she might want to have a little time with her sister?

Idk, am I just being bitter? We were always so close as kids that it's just hard now. I feel like we are growing apart.

Totally fine that they want to visit other places and do other things as part of a 2.5 week, presumably long haul visit.

On borrowing the car, I think you just have to say No. It sounds like it would be very inconvenient for you and potentially risky if there are any last minute appointments you need to go to.

@Testina

They weren't married at the time, they were bf and gf and I was very early on which is why I didn't tell him as well.

I think borrowing a car for the week they are with you is fine, but I wouldn't risk the other 1.5 weeks when you could be without a vehicle and heavily pregnant. I think that is a reasonable compromise.

I can totally see where you're coming from OP and you have a right to feel upset, hormonal or not.

To be fair I have my DB and his family living abroad and when we've gone to visit, we've broken up our trip too. We haven't wanted to put them out too much and it keeps everyone sane! At the same time, we have made an effort to be there for our DNephews birthday.

It might be worth saying to your DSis that it's a shame they're missing your DCs birthday and also see if you could go out and do something 1-2-1 with her. It could be her DH influencing her decisions too.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. Sounds like she's not that bothered about visiting, she more interested in a holiday with her friends and doesn't mind popping to yours for a bit to make it a "family visit" then inconveniencing you by trying to get you to give her your car to use with those friends for the rest of the holiday.
She can leave her Dd at yours while she goes to get a hire car if she can't be in the car that long.

I don't understand why you would arrange to have two visitors at the same time.

This is their holiday, annual leave is very precious, so they want to do as much fun stuff as possible.

I would struggle to stay with someone for a whole week.

And then to have other people staying that at the same time.

On the car front. You need to tell your cousin that they can no longer borrow your car because you need it.

It may be inconvenient but you need to say that is the situation because you are heavily pregnant

Surely everyone just picks up the hire car from the airport they fly into.

So no to car borrowing.

To anyone

This.

You are siblings, no longer particularly close, yet you are putting them up in a nice area.

All very nice.

There is absolutely no way I would be without my car for that long, particularly while pregnant.

She sounds like a bit of a CF who is suiting herself.

No way would the car be happening.

I meant both cousin and sister so no about the car. You can put them up, but you can't lend them a car

As someone who lives in a different country to what i was born in I can relate to what they are doing… it’s impossible to give people as much time as they would like.
I don’t think you should feel you have to lend them a car though, they can rent one. Will they be j sited if something happens? Not worth the aggro of something went wrong.