Very inappropriate and awkward situation

[JazbayGrapes]

A couple of years age me and DH befriended this elderly neighbor. Let's call him Jack. He lost his wife and his dog, and now is lonely and very bored.
So we go visit him once a week or so, share some drinks, watch tv.
Over the long weekend, my DH got a crate of beer and suggested we go visit Jack. Ok. So we sat there, had quite a few drinks, then DH got a phonecall and needed to leave. Said I could stay with Jack and finish those beers.
Next thing I know, Jack wants to sit next to me. then he wants a hug, and then Yikes! He tries to kiss me. I shrieked and ran out.
Said nothing to DH, obviously we were all quite sloshed.
I know excessive drinking leads to no good, but do I sort of "forget" about this? For sure i will not be visiting Jack by myself ever again.

Why cant you tell your husband? Yeah dont go near him again.

You must tell your DH
sadly, this type of man will likely only be stopped by another man
he might tell your DH you tried it on

If I was you I'd tell DH, it might end up coming up in the future and he'll wonder why you didn't say anything.

You're right though, what a very awkward situation 😅

I think work out how much of this was down to alcohol. If you're sure it definitely wouldn't have happened so er then perhaps continue the friendship with firmer boundaries and don't go alone. He could be as mortified as you.

Sober

Think you need to tell DH.

DH has a bit of an explosive temper. It was way too much booze than sensible. The old dude may not be remembering this at all. He was drinking spirits before we even showed up.

Of course you tell your husband. Why would you keep it from him? My husband wouldn't want to continue a friendship with a man who had tried it on with me and neither would I so that would be that for us.

Sounds likely

I can't believe you are keeping this a secret from your husband.

You think your husband would be violent towards an elderly man?

Being friendly and keeping an eye on a lonely, elderly neighbour, maybe nipping shop for him, passing a casserole in or popping in for a cuppa seems pretty normal, nice and neighbourly. Going to get slaughtered with him on a regular basis seems strange. Does he (or any if you) have an alcohol problem? You say neighbour had already been drinking spirits before you turned up with a crate between the 3 of you?
And mixing alcohol with a partner who has quite an explosive temper doesn't seem like a good combination either. Does alcohol make him more angry? Are you scared he'd attack neighbour for making a pass at you?
I'd take a sober step back from neighbour and reassess your relationship with a man with such a temper

Tell hubby, or in the future he will tell hubby u came on to him.

Ok, there is maybe a slim chance of mental illness or even dementia early signs. Inappropriate sexual behaviour (ISB) is a well known symptom of all sorts of mental health issues. Never mind he added to that with drinking.
Id sit DH down, tell him not to overreact and treat it like “could there be something wrong with x, becuase this happened?”. Tell DH that you don’t think it is a good idea for either of you to be drinking alcohol with him, maybe other than a couple of beers over a few hours, and that it is better that you’re not on your own with him.

but please don’t stop going to see him togther albeit briefly. Your visit are clearly important. Unless you feel very uncomfortable or the old man does in which case politely distance yourself.

Said nothing to DH, obviously we were all quite sloshed.

Goodness, tell your DH.

Or are you afraid that your DH will go storming in and confront the neighbour?

This kind of behaviour tends to persist because people don't call it out. However, I absolutely understand the embarrassment that leads you to want to keep quiet.

Really feel like you’re minimising his behaviour. It’s was totally out of line. Unless he has some significant issue that affects his thinking skills then I wouldn’t forgive it. Even then I think I would not be visiting again.

Also it is very sad you can’t speak to your partner about something because he can’t manage his reactions.

DH said you could stay and finish the drinks…
I don’t understand this. Was he giving you permission? Why would you need it?
was he giving you the beers? Was he directing you to stay?

Getting pissed with an elderly neighbour is just weird.

First thing I'd have done after leaving is tell my DH! Are you scared he might blame you?

I'd pull back on the friendship. Remain cordial but not go round again and never with alcohol or alone.

I agree with this, you could possibly endanger this old man rather than being of assistance.

How old, if you are 20s and he’s 50s that’s not old, he’s a creepy pervert. If you are 30s/40s and he’s 80 then maybe some sort of dementia, not saying it’s right but some old men lose inhibitions and are over familiar. Tell your husband though, just say he was a bit weird!

Why do you think your DH will explode at this man? Surely you just tell him and both decide to not go round again?

And why are you being so friendly. There's friendly and there's getting him pissed.