To want to hide in a dark place and cry- so stressed

[Stressedgiraffe]

NCed .
Just really need to offload I'm feeling overwhelmed atm.

1. Just had a few days off work to find they've completely changed their mind on the business direction so 5 months of work done for nothing. All project now changing argh!!

1. DH told me while I was off that he'd been sacked. Only there 6 months.

So now I'm worried about money and him not working.

1. DD refusing to go to school. Currently under CAHMS possible adhd diagnosis.

1. Just had a cancer diagnosis and need a mastectomy. Feeling worried.

1. Dh has neurological problems due to diabetes that the doctors aren't taking seriously. I'm annoyed for him and frustrated at the same time.

1. Dd2 is needing a special paediatric dentist as our dentist won't do it.

1. Dogs keep farming and are shedding everywhere.

Aibu to just hide under my bed for it all to be over please?

Dogs keep Farting wish they could farm!

Good grief, no wonder you feel stressed

and quite telling that you put your diagnosis and surgery 4th on your list.

you need a break, & to concentrate more on you. Can anything be dropped from your list? Dentist, & dogs would be a start. Outsource as much as you can, not easy when DH is out of work. Ask friends to help, ask DH to do more at home if he’s out of work.

What’s the sick leave pay like at your work?

Not sure about sick leave. I think its going to be paid but not sure for how long.
I'm planning on taking 2 weeks off for the mastectomy and then time off for hospital appointment and any further treatment.
My salary can just cover everything but I couldn't afford SSP.
Dh frustratingly won't apply for job seekers or pip.

Oh :(

Well if he won’t apply, then he needs to find himself a new job asap. And to concentrate on helping you more, and your DDs.

it sounds like you need as much off your plate as possible to concentrate on you.

I only have secondhand experience of mastectomy op, but from my friends’ experiences I think you need to allow yourself more time than just 2 weeks off. If you feel fine after 2 weeks then good, you can go back, but I’d plan for longer to allow you to recover

can you speak to your Macmillan nurse about applying for anything that your work sick leave or ssp doesn’t cover?

Dd going to school would be helpful.
I had to spell out to dh, cooking, dog walking and cleaning would be helpful he doesn't really get it as I wfh and can do bits in-between meetings

How old are your DDs?

Omg I was about to say can you agree to have a temporary sahd situation which might help with housework and your DC being out of school, but then saw he won't apply for any assistance and won't do any housework!

That's so awful and difficult for you and completely unfair. Sending the unmumsnetty (((hugs)))

I'd have a proper chat with him and say you need him to do more around the house and apply for some sort of benefits to help with finances.

One parent being at home when you make enough to cover bills should be making your life LESS stressful.

17 and 15. So old enough.
They will tidy their rooms and find breakfast/lunch for themselves.

Oh wow that’s a lot for anyone to cope with ❤️💐 and I agree with the first poster that it’s interesting you put your diagnosis and surgery quite low down in the list - I don’t have any great words of advice but I think you need to try and prioritise your own health and well-being, easier said than done! Lots of 💐💐💐

they are all old enough to be helping you with just about everything on your list.

leaving you to concentrate on you.

can you have a family meeting and tell them all that you need help with the house/dogs/appointments

and if they don’t then I’d suggest a holiday alone. It’s probably time for you to be a bit more selfish & less selfless

((hugs))

I've got to go away for work training at the end of the month for a week. I'm looking forward to staying in a hotel for 4 nights. A bit of a holiday I guess.
I'm more worries about everyone else atm as it stops me thinking about me

And what's your unemployed husband doing to help?

This - honestly he should be stepping right up to the mark.

First of all, that's a lot. Not surprising you have been thrown by the news from work. I bet without everything else you have going on it wouldn't be as big a blow though. It's just the last thing you need on top of everything else. Try not to take it personally. Yes it's annoying but it's the nature of projects. Allow yourself to feel annoyed and angry and disappointed and then try not to give it headspace. Home life sounds tough. Have you got any RL support? Your husband's work is not great news but try and let him shoulder that. I know it potentially impacts the whole family if he can't get another job but no reason to believe that is the case and he's an adult who can sort himself out. The kids, have you tried contacting the council for any extra help at school? I did this when school were slow - the inclusion team and they were really good. Maybe your DH could do this for you? I am sorry you're feeling this way op. One day at a time 💐

When I'm away he'll walk the dogs and feed the dds. As long as everyone is alive when I get home ill be fine.
Hopefully he'll step up and help more. He keeps telling me to not stress it'll be fine which is making me more stressed

Yes, agree that it's telling your own health issues & significant surgery come after work.

It sounds like you've been propping the whole show up for quite a while & now you've got your own serious shit going on you haven't got the energy to juggle it all.

Do they know you're ill?

I haven't got any suggestions, but you have so much on your plate so can totally understand why you feel like that. You are within your right to want to scream with all that going on. Do you have anyone who can help out or just chat with you and let you offload?

Time to outsource as much as possible to the rest of the family. At their ages your DC can definitely step up.
They and DH can organise 2 meals each per week and ditto dog walking and a cleaning rota .
You are not their maid .
They need to pull their weight. Its not helping you , its required as a family member.

Yes definitely speak to Macmillan about financial support available.

Work? I've told my manager I need time off for surgery. That's all so far.
It's a wierd time as the surgeon is fully booked till end June thanks to covid there is a backlog of cases. Seeing the anesthetist in a couple of weeks.

Do you have any illness cover on any insurance policies?

First start with easing financial pressure
macmillan can help you with that

does work have any counselling they can offer you?

if eldest isn’t going to school, then she too can help. At 17, she’s almost an adult, and if she fails this year she can always retake when she is ready to go back to school.

Could you get carers allowance for your DH? Honestly your DH needs to stop being selfish and apply it will help the whole household and open up doors for help available. If not your kids could apply for young carers

I'll have a look. We have eap at work.
But I've just finished work and there plates everywhere and no food ready to cook. Argh