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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour shouted & screamed at me because I didn’t say hi

67 replies

Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 09:32

Have lived in our current house for 12 ish years, neighbour on one side of us has never been friendly to me, never really spoken etc, shouts out ‘Hi/morning name’
to my Dh when I’m with him, just all a bit odd. We’ve heard her over the years regularly shouting and screaming at workers at her home (she speaks to the gardener like crap, builders etc) also many arguments with her teenage son, these aren’t normal arguments though, hours of screaming and crying, v abusive. Sometimes she can be different and seems the life and soul and very friendly/sociable etc…we still haven’t properly spoken though (it’s very weird!)
I’m a fairly shy person, so it doesn’t bother me tbh, I’m friendly with all others on the street, we let on to each other, chat etc, neighbour on the other side and opposite often buy our Dd, 4, gifts, neighbour down the road has a 5 year old who comes to play at ours with Dd. My midwife lives a few doors down and spent time in my house when Dd was born, Sat having cups of coffee while I sat there with my boobs out (she was helping with breastfeeding! 😅) All great, aside from this neighbour who I feel doesn’t like me.
Anyway, yesterday, I arrived home with Dd from school, I could see neighbour outside her house checking gate or something, I thought ‘Great’ 🙄as we never say hi, chat etc, but bit awkward when she’s just *There. Dd had had a long day and was kicking up a fuss, I was talking to her and coming in through our gate juggling all
her bags etc, I did wonder whether to give a curt hello, but I didn’t. We were walking up our path, I was chatting away to Dd and she came storming in through her gate shouting, screaming, swearing how it was unbelievable, incredible etc and looking over, I was gobsmacked, so turned to her and said ‘Are you talking to me?’ She started shouting again, so I gestured towards Dd as if ‘There’s a child here’ Dd was looking worried and asked what was wrong with the lady, I just quickly got her in the front door, changed the subject and got her a snack, but my heart was beating so fast etc, it was a really awful
situation.
I messaged the neighbour down the street whose little one is friends with mine, she used to be friends with this woman, but said to me to just ignore me as she has mental problems and is one minute friendly and the next like this, she said all the neighbours have backed away from her and think the same (I never knew this as we're not really involved in the gossip etc) she said to not worry and was sending hugs etc, this was kind and reassured me a bit that it wasn’t just me. But I’m still
reeling from it and especially it being in front of Dd. I feel uncomfortable being in my garden or bloody coming back in my house now! I shouldn’t be shouted at coming back to my own bloody house. Dh was really angry and said he’ll mention something to her the next time he sees her.
What would you do?
Sorry it’s so long!

OP posts:
Ktime · 11/05/2023 09:33

As she has mental health issues, I'd just ignore her. There is no point arguing.

Don't give it oxygen by responding.

Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 09:34

*To just ignore her

OP posts:
Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 09:36

@Ktime I don’t know if she knows that for definite but is assuming so, or saying it due to mood changes etc. But as I said to Dh, don’t many of us 🤷🏻‍♀️I’ve currently experiencing peri and have been having really bad anxiety and palpitations all week, I really didn’t need this, I still don’t go around shouting and screaming at random neighbours

OP posts:
ILoveCakeLikeTheToriesLoveRippingTaxPayersOff · 11/05/2023 09:41

Not a lot can be done, just don't engage with her. Maybe report her to her landlord.

Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 09:42

@ILoveCakeLikeTheToriesLoveRippingTaxPayersOff We own our houses, she’s having lots more work done on her house-again, so sadly she’s not going anywhere

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 11/05/2023 09:43

She is clearly very unwell. Your husband confronting her would only make matters worse.

Jackiedoespolo · 11/05/2023 09:45

I would say just ignore, she sounds unwell to be honest and I would have your husband approach her either. She could have a personality disorder which doesn’t excuse the attack but best not draw it on you. Does she have family?

Jackiedoespolo · 11/05/2023 09:46

Jackiedoespolo · 11/05/2023 09:45

I would say just ignore, she sounds unwell to be honest and I would have your husband approach her either. She could have a personality disorder which doesn’t excuse the attack but best not draw it on you. Does she have family?

I meant I *wouldn’t have your husband approach her

Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 09:46

@Aquamarine1029 She generally chats away to Dh and is nice to him and when in a *Normal mood has lots of friends around etc

OP posts:
Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 09:47

@Jackiedoespolo She has a teenage son, there are periods where she’s screaming and shouting at him, it can last hours. She split with her partner and he moved out. At the end of the road her brother has a holiday home (we live abroad) so he comes and goes

OP posts:
girlfriend44 · 11/05/2023 10:11

You really never spoken to her properly, you wondered whether to give a curt hello.

Why curt not friendly.

She's picked up on the fact, you've given off vibes you don't like her.
You were ignoring her yesterday, some of this is your own doing.

Had you been friendly at the start. I doubt this would have happened.

Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 10:13

@girlfriend44 Not at all, I was friendly at the start, tried to be, she’s never said hello, never smiled, deliberately shouts hello and good morning to Dh’s name when i‘n with him etc, s

OP posts:
LakeTiticaca · 11/05/2023 10:14

She clearly has some kind of mental disorder as she doesn't seem to be specifically targeting you

Best thing is probably just ignore her. Don't even look at her

Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 10:15

Oops, posted too soon, she clearly had always given the impression she doesn’t like me, as I say I’m quite shy, why should it have been up to me, when she’s always been so rude? I just try to avoid and stay out of it. Also, she could have said hello? 🤷🏻‍♀️
Even if I was a rude person (which I’m not) is it really justified to shout, scream and swear at a person

OP posts:
Twillow · 11/05/2023 10:18

I'm not a confrontational person, but in this situation if you have a DH who would fight fire with fire as it were, I would highly recommend that he goes round asap all guns blazing. This kind of nutter is a bully and I think a short sharp shock would get the message across to leave you alone.

CalloohCallayFrabjousDay · 11/05/2023 10:20

If she shouts and screams at her son, maybe a call to SS is in order? Poor kid probably needs some support.

mondaytosunday · 11/05/2023 10:21

Id have acknowledged her with a nod of it was me, as you say she had never been friendly to you.
But she has form, so don't take this outburst personally. However you should not feel intimidated going in and out of your property. As she seems to like your husband, I think a word from him might help, if he can keep it civil. However as she seems to have issues, it seems her behaviour will continue as it's not based on anything other than what's going on inside her head.

Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 10:29

This is the thing, I feel uncomfortable going in and out now and I bloody shouldn’t!

OP posts:
Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 10:31

She also constantly sits in her bag garden, there’s a wall between us, but it’s just awkward, we sit at our table for breakfast sometimes and she’s literally on the other side of the wall
She’s a head air stewardess long haul so I often wonder if the sleeping patterns have an effect on her mood

OP posts:
Scienceadvisory · 11/05/2023 10:33

girlfriend44 · 11/05/2023 10:11

You really never spoken to her properly, you wondered whether to give a curt hello.

Why curt not friendly.

She's picked up on the fact, you've given off vibes you don't like her.
You were ignoring her yesterday, some of this is your own doing.

Had you been friendly at the start. I doubt this would have happened.

That's a bit of a stretch. It's not the OP's fault her neighbour is an abusive nightmare. If your neighbour didn't say hi to you would you start screaming at them? I know I wouldn't. There is no justification for the neighbour's behaviour.

Isheabastard · 11/05/2023 10:39

I had a very odd neighbour once with similar behaviour. I think she may have had mental problems but later found out it was mostly caused by alcohol.

That would explain life and soul of the party vibe. My neighbour was drinking from lunchtime onwards and was always very very hungover in the morning.

If it is drinking then she will hardly remember anything.

Or it may be mental health and a result of not taking medications etc. just ignore.

SunnySaturdayMorning · 11/05/2023 11:06

Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 10:31

She also constantly sits in her bag garden, there’s a wall between us, but it’s just awkward, we sit at our table for breakfast sometimes and she’s literally on the other side of the wall
She’s a head air stewardess long haul so I often wonder if the sleeping patterns have an effect on her mood

So now you have a problem with her just existing? Confused

You can’t even see her, she isn’t engaging with you, but the fact she sits in her garden and you know she’s there is an issue?

slashlover · 11/05/2023 11:13

So she's v abusive to her child and you've done nothing and been fine with it? What happens to her son when she's working? Your own child had to listen to her shouting and screaming for hours and you've been fine with it?

Really?

MammaTo · 11/05/2023 11:19

Id knock when husband is home to watch your daughter and say you wasn’t being rude but if she ever approaches you like that again whilst your baby is there you’ll phone the police.
Needs to be nipped in the bud or she’ll make your life hell.

CleverLilViper · 11/05/2023 11:31

girlfriend44 · 11/05/2023 10:11

You really never spoken to her properly, you wondered whether to give a curt hello.

Why curt not friendly.

She's picked up on the fact, you've given off vibes you don't like her.
You were ignoring her yesterday, some of this is your own doing.

Had you been friendly at the start. I doubt this would have happened.

Oh do behave.

Whether someone who is clearly busy and just trying to get home says hello or not isn’t an excuse to behave like that.

The fact that you think it is is rather telling.

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