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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour shouted & screamed at me because I didn’t say hi

67 replies

Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 09:32

Have lived in our current house for 12 ish years, neighbour on one side of us has never been friendly to me, never really spoken etc, shouts out ‘Hi/morning name’
to my Dh when I’m with him, just all a bit odd. We’ve heard her over the years regularly shouting and screaming at workers at her home (she speaks to the gardener like crap, builders etc) also many arguments with her teenage son, these aren’t normal arguments though, hours of screaming and crying, v abusive. Sometimes she can be different and seems the life and soul and very friendly/sociable etc…we still haven’t properly spoken though (it’s very weird!)
I’m a fairly shy person, so it doesn’t bother me tbh, I’m friendly with all others on the street, we let on to each other, chat etc, neighbour on the other side and opposite often buy our Dd, 4, gifts, neighbour down the road has a 5 year old who comes to play at ours with Dd. My midwife lives a few doors down and spent time in my house when Dd was born, Sat having cups of coffee while I sat there with my boobs out (she was helping with breastfeeding! 😅) All great, aside from this neighbour who I feel doesn’t like me.
Anyway, yesterday, I arrived home with Dd from school, I could see neighbour outside her house checking gate or something, I thought ‘Great’ 🙄as we never say hi, chat etc, but bit awkward when she’s just *There. Dd had had a long day and was kicking up a fuss, I was talking to her and coming in through our gate juggling all
her bags etc, I did wonder whether to give a curt hello, but I didn’t. We were walking up our path, I was chatting away to Dd and she came storming in through her gate shouting, screaming, swearing how it was unbelievable, incredible etc and looking over, I was gobsmacked, so turned to her and said ‘Are you talking to me?’ She started shouting again, so I gestured towards Dd as if ‘There’s a child here’ Dd was looking worried and asked what was wrong with the lady, I just quickly got her in the front door, changed the subject and got her a snack, but my heart was beating so fast etc, it was a really awful
situation.
I messaged the neighbour down the street whose little one is friends with mine, she used to be friends with this woman, but said to me to just ignore me as she has mental problems and is one minute friendly and the next like this, she said all the neighbours have backed away from her and think the same (I never knew this as we're not really involved in the gossip etc) she said to not worry and was sending hugs etc, this was kind and reassured me a bit that it wasn’t just me. But I’m still
reeling from it and especially it being in front of Dd. I feel uncomfortable being in my garden or bloody coming back in my house now! I shouldn’t be shouted at coming back to my own bloody house. Dh was really angry and said he’ll mention something to her the next time he sees her.
What would you do?
Sorry it’s so long!

OP posts:
CleverLilViper · 11/05/2023 11:36

SunnySaturdayMorning · 11/05/2023 11:06

So now you have a problem with her just existing? Confused

You can’t even see her, she isn’t engaging with you, but the fact she sits in her garden and you know she’s there is an issue?

People on this site have reading comprehension issues, I swear.

OP has said that she feels uncomfortable going outside now because of this woman’s behaviour. The fact that she’s often outside will further that discomfort as it’s not like she can easily avoid her.

Jesus fucking wept.

CleverLilViper · 11/05/2023 11:39

OP, YANBU.

Its clear from your post that you were occupied with your DD and not saying hi to someone you don’t really know isn’t justification to start behaving like that.

She clearly has issues if she has form for this kind of behaviour and if other neighbours keep their distance as well.

Just keep a distance from her and ignore. If she’s really bad with the shouting at her son consider a report to SS. He shouldn’t have to suffer abuse at all. Poor kid.

Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 11:49

@SunnySaturdayMorning Erm no, I’m saying it’s awkward as we can clearly hear each other etc, with anyone else you’d say a cheery Good morning/Hi etc

OP posts:
SchoolTripDrama · 11/05/2023 11:54

Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 10:31

She also constantly sits in her bag garden, there’s a wall between us, but it’s just awkward, we sit at our table for breakfast sometimes and she’s literally on the other side of the wall
She’s a head air stewardess long haul so I often wonder if the sleeping patterns have an effect on her mood

She's just as entitled to sit in her garden as you are? Hmm

user1473878824 · 11/05/2023 11:57

girlfriend44 · 11/05/2023 10:11

You really never spoken to her properly, you wondered whether to give a curt hello.

Why curt not friendly.

She's picked up on the fact, you've given off vibes you don't like her.
You were ignoring her yesterday, some of this is your own doing.

Had you been friendly at the start. I doubt this would have happened.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

Fandabedodgy · 11/05/2023 11:58

As she has mental ill health I think I you need to let it go. It's nothing personal.

And explain that to your daughter.

LookItsMeAgain · 11/05/2023 12:09

The way I would deal with this is to go about your business as you were doing for the past 12 years and not give her the time of day (apart from a polite hello to them or 'Evening' as you're passing) which I do think you've missed out on doing all these years.

If they decide to scream/shout at you, calmly say "Please stop shouting/screaming at me." as you move towards your car/home. I'd even consider taking my phone out and say "If you continue to shout/scream at me, you'll leave me with no option but to record you as I'll have to consider whether this is harassment. So please stop."

As a senior member of cabin crew, I'd seriously doubt that any airline would allow anyone of their team to fly if they have mental ill health.

That's what I'd do.

Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 12:13

Her teen is 17/18 and often stays with his dad so I’m hoping is ok, perhaps I should have reported 🥺

OP posts:
GalileoHumpkins · 11/05/2023 12:17

Twillow · 11/05/2023 10:18

I'm not a confrontational person, but in this situation if you have a DH who would fight fire with fire as it were, I would highly recommend that he goes round asap all guns blazing. This kind of nutter is a bully and I think a short sharp shock would get the message across to leave you alone.

I'm sure the police would be impressed with someone's husband giving what sounds a vulnerable woman a short sharp shock by screaming at her.

Annoyingwurringnoise · 11/05/2023 12:18

Screaming? As in like screaming as if something has frightened you or you’re being attacked screaming, or just speaking loudly?

Bedtimemode · 11/05/2023 12:21

I have a neighbour almost identical to this, not long after we moved in she went nuts at me for parking in "her space" (it's not, spaces are communal). She also used to scream at her kids apparently and now theyre grown up they never visit.

it's actually become a bit of a running joke in our family because she seems to like dh but hates me 🤷‍♀️Shrug it off and ignore.

Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 12:25

@GalileoHumpkins Shes not vulnerable, she’s strong, rude and talks down to people

OP posts:
Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 12:26

@Annoyingwurringnoise Screaming as in screaming and shouting at me

OP posts:
Mummyof287 · 11/05/2023 12:36

CalloohCallayFrabjousDay · 11/05/2023 10:20

If she shouts and screams at her son, maybe a call to SS is in order? Poor kid probably needs some support.

I was about to comment exactly the same thing! What a horrid situation for him to be in.Mental health can't excuse child abuse.

Mummyof287 · 11/05/2023 12:37

Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 12:13

Her teen is 17/18 and often stays with his dad so I’m hoping is ok, perhaps I should have reported 🥺

You still can....

Jungleblur · 11/05/2023 13:41

I don’t have any advice to offer but I’m in a similar situation and it’s so stressful. My neighbour has mental health issues and is overly nicey-nicey with people, but a few times a month will start screaming at people out of nowhere and then get obsessed with them for a little while afterwards, doing petty little things like throwing rubbish into their garden or wiping grubby hands all over their car windows when they’re not looking.

Most of us just ignore her but she has this little chair she brings out onto the pavement so that she can sit and stare at everyone all day. She’s out there CONSTANTLY and it feels so awkward trying to get into the car without looking at her, you never know when she’s going to go off on one. I feel a knot of dread and have to take a deep breath every time I open my front door or pull into my street.

The best thing is probably to ignore them as with mental health problems they’re unable to be rational, but it does take a huge toll when it’s right outside your living space.

Twazique · 11/05/2023 13:52

I would get a ring doorbell or equivalent in case she turns her attention on you fully.

Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 15:34

I was shocked and upset yesterday and felt really anxious, feel really angry today though. Have come home to her sat out the back, laughing into her phone without a care in the world, how do I stop feeling angry inside

OP posts:
Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 18:08

Would your Dh’s say anything to her in this situation? Bit annoyed he’s not saying anything

OP posts:
SchoolShenanigans · 11/05/2023 18:12

Her poor son.

GalileoHumpkins · 11/05/2023 18:24

Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 18:08

Would your Dh’s say anything to her in this situation? Bit annoyed he’s not saying anything

No, because I wouldn't want him to. Realistically what would you want him to say to not escalate the situation?

Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 18:33

@GalileoHumpkins To ask her what the problem is? Would you just ignore it?

OP posts:
Littlebummybums · 11/05/2023 18:37

You are taking it a bit personally. If she has mental health issues best to ignore and carry on. Be courteous but if she starts shouting do not engage.

Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 18:37

It would be nice if he defended me

OP posts:
GalileoHumpkins · 11/05/2023 18:38

Hugespoonofpeanutbutter · 11/05/2023 18:33

@GalileoHumpkins To ask her what the problem is? Would you just ignore it?

I'd let it go yes, I've dealt with lots of people like this and the best thing to do is just get on and ignore them. You can't argue with someone like that, she'll always have some loud and obnoxious answer for you that'll just cause you more upset.