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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Crossing the line?

36 replies

Crossinsomekindaline · 10/05/2023 12:37

Hi, DD11 is in year 6 at a small village school.

This year a new teacher started in her class. Friendly early 30s male. Seems like a nice chap. All the kids love him.

My partner (also female) made an observation recently that she feels his behaviour with the kids (and especially the girls) is potentially inappropriate.

Just some observations:

  • Showed the kids pics on his Facebook profile of him doing a recent charity mountain climb. Kids now know his Facebook id.

  • Engages in teasing banter with the kids in his class but especially the girls.

  • has arranged special afterschool Sat's preparation for the half dozen year 6 kids. This was just him in attendance. My DD said he made the kids hot chocolate and they mostly sat around on cushions bantering.

So, Aibu to think he's crossing some kind of line here, or is this just normal acceptable behaviour from a teacher that's dedicated to the kids in his class?

I don't think he's grooming them or whatever, but now my partners brought it up I'm a little uncomfortable with the familiarity and considering having a word with the head.

OP posts:
CantFindTheBeat · 10/05/2023 12:39

Can you give specific examples of the banter, OP?

EarFluff · 10/05/2023 12:41

Sounds like he’s trying to be their friend rather than their teacher

I like the sound of the hot chocolate study sessions though (if they are actually studying)

PineappleLatte · 10/05/2023 12:41

Sounds like a teacher that cares for his pupils.

MXVIT · 10/05/2023 12:42

Seconded need examples of the "banter"

My instinct says you're hugely overreacting and teachers just can't win

And prejudice like this is why male primary school teachers (and therefore good, solid male role models which god knows are sorely needed for kids in primary especially) are chronically short in supply

MXVIT · 10/05/2023 12:43

For what it's worth we had pizza and chippy in my study sessions for sats at school if memory serves. Also arranged by a male teacher. Can confirm was not being groomed.

This has really riled me

OhComeOnFFS · 10/05/2023 12:43

I don't think he should hold study sessions without another adult being present.

Whataretheodds · 10/05/2023 12:44

No issues with them knowing his Facebook ID if his profile is private and he doesn't accept friend requests from pupils.

Dulra · 10/05/2023 12:47

OhComeOnFFS · 10/05/2023 12:43

I don't think he should hold study sessions without another adult being present.

Does he not teach them with no other adult present?

Op really hard to know from your examples if it is inappropriate but if it makes you feel uncomfortable and you are not happy with it do you have a plan what to do about it?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 10/05/2023 12:48

Why shouldn't they have study sessions without another adult present. Do teachers always have another adult in the classroom these days?

hamstersarse · 10/05/2023 12:51

He's either a really amazing teacher or a paedophile. Impossible to tell.

FranklySonImTheGaffer · 10/05/2023 12:51

My DH is a primary teacher and has shown his class photos of some of the places we've been, it was interesting for them (although he didn't use his FB, but that was because he didn't want parents to be able to find him there).
As long as his FB security settings are iron clad I wouldn't be too worried.

Teasing banter with some kids, especially year 5 and 6, and the after school class is fine. No different to my DH setting up a sports team then running a coaching session by himself and providing them with some drinks and food afterwards (which he has done).

I'm guessing you wouldn't have these concerns if the teacher were female?

MXVIT · 10/05/2023 12:51

@Dulra

OPs plan is to speak to the head. And I hope she's given short shrift

hamstersarse · 10/05/2023 12:51

Is your Year 6 child on Facebook?!?

Ktime · 10/05/2023 12:57

I had a young male teacher in primary school, who was great fun. He was loved by all the kids, and I still remember his face 35 years later!

I had just moved to the UK as a young child and he was a big part of how I settled into life school quickly.

Gizlotsmum · 10/05/2023 13:01

I think it all sounds fine, in fact he sounds like the kind of teacher year 6 kids need. Happy to banter, making SATS fun and I bet they are all learning loads under those conditions. 1 adult to 12 kids isn’t a bad ratio and I bet there were other staff in the building at all times

IncompleteSenten · 10/05/2023 13:04

What are some examples of this 'banter'?

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 10/05/2023 13:05

hamstersarse · 10/05/2023 12:51

He's either a really amazing teacher or a paedophile. Impossible to tell.

There's literally no in between 🤣

ItsCalledAConversation · 10/05/2023 13:06

The thing about needing another adult in the room is just bonkers, you know this is a fully DBS checked qualified teacher, right?

Would you have the same issues if this person was female?

Examples of banter please. I hate the word, it makes me shudder and is often used as a cloak for bullying.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/05/2023 13:06

Difficult to tell from that. I'm a (swimming) teacher and I guess I might do those things, as a way of being friendly/human. Should it make a difference that I'm a woman?

SuperEkstra · 10/05/2023 13:12

My husband is a teacher (of nearly 30 years!) and this kind of post makes me sad. Unless you can give some examples of the "banter" I think you should give this poor man a break.

PineappleLatte · 10/05/2023 13:13

Would you have the same concerns if the teacher was female?

Deliaskis · 10/05/2023 13:13

Pretty much all of those things were what DD's Y6 teacher did last year (but 'banter' was probably more evenly dispersed). She was female.

DukeOfEdinburgh · 10/05/2023 13:21

Teachers really can’t win, can they? Poor bloke.

Original poster
Crossinsomekindaline · 10/05/2023 13:24

OK, banter wise, from what I can tell just general teasing type stuff, like if my DD hasn't had time to do her hair particularly nice he might say 'oh nice hair today xxx, did you sleep in a hedge?' That kinda thing.

No, my DD isn't on Facebook but if you know someone's ID you can Google their profile, which I caught my DD and her friends doing.

No I don't think he's a raging paedo, but it's more a worry he's overly familiar and this will impact the quality of teaching and potentially put himself in a risky place.

To be honest it didn't bother me and he just seems like a nice bloke, but my partners concerns made me stop and think. I remember when I was in primary we had a very friendly fun male teacher. He had his little group of favorite girls (of which I wasn't one) who would sit on his knee and stay after class on occasion, etc. I distinctly remember him using his ruler to lift skirts to 'check for regulation knicker colours'. Being the 80s, after some parents complained he was quietly 'retired'.

OP posts:
dizzydizzydizzy · 10/05/2023 13:24

I can't really tell from what you've said but I think it unlikely any lines have been crossed.

FWIW, I had a female teacher in the 1980s in an all field school. We all thought at the time she was crossing a line and it turned out our instincts were right - about 20 years later she was jailed for paedophilia. Maybe discuss it with your DD before going to the head?