AIBU to leave "ideal" job

[Nordicrain]

I have worked in my company for 13 years. In that time I have had decent progression and forged a career. I work a 4 day week in a senior "professional" job, and am relatively well paid. I can work from home as much as I likke, and I can basically do my job with my eyes closed. I have good benefits (car, private health insurance, etc). I get to travel to my home country with work once in a while so I can visit my family.

But I want to leave. I am paid less than I am worth IMO, my boss is impossible to talk to about anything like money or progression, the company is mainly men and has a rubbish gender pay gap. I think I am largely taken for granted. I just feel bored, fed up and disillusioned with it and struggle to see how I can progress from here. The last straw is a department restructure, where I am not demoted or anything, but not identified for progression either despite lots of great feedback, work achievements etc.

But I can't shake that I am throwing away the "ideal" job and I will regret it. Maybe I am just burnt out and a new job where I don't know what I am doing will just be worse. Has anyone done similar and how did it go? WIBU to walk away from a pretty cushty job?

Life is too short to be in a job that makes you miserable. But make sure you have something to go to before you quit.

I don’t think it sounds ideal for you any more. I think you’re ready for a new challenge.

What people are saying here all chime with my experience.

I am in a similar position to you in that I had the perfect ideal job at a time when professional part time jobs didn't exist. But I was part time and, unfortunately, that is the Mummy track where nothing interesting ever happens. I was overlooked for pay increases and professional challenges.

I did get progression in the end and a pay rise, after I went back full time for 5 years - but I could have done better if I'd moved around. On the other hand, I spent plenty of time with the kids, I paid the mortgage and minimised stress in a stressful period.

I think if you really want to keep your career alive you need to move. And if you don't move it will become increasingly difficult to do so as you start to age and look institutionalised.

I would not say you are a coward, just cautious about jumping out of the frying pan and into an empty grate. I imagine that you have already updated your CV and gone on LinkedIn etc. I would also take good stock of your ‘total compensation’ eg. It’s quite unusual to have a company car for a home based job. What would your ideal package look like if fringe benefits not comparable? What would your ideal job look like? You could approach this on two fronts. As others have said to explore the job market. The other is to think how your present job could be made more ideal? How could the company make better use of your experience and talents ( give them the ideas). Above all do try to have a meaningful talk with your manager. As a highly thought of employee they way not realise how unhappy you are. If there is a total refusal to engage then at least you know where you stand. Good Luck

I’d look around for other jobs but I’d also really push for the development and progression, not just with your boss- his boss? Other senior leaders? Get your face noticed more - you’ve got a solid 13 years there. Make them know your worth.
If that doesn’t work, at least you’ve built up a list of great things ready for interviews and you overcome those awkward feelings of trying to sell yourself and can negotiate a good salary/benefits package.

OP, I left a very cushy job, ideal on paper, and very well-renumerated. I was desperately unhappy though and left without anything to go to. It was probably because I wanted to leave the industry completely, but I was incredibly naive to think that it would be easy to find a job as an over-qualified, middle-aged woman. It wasn't and things got a bit hairy.

If at all possible, I would advise getting your next job lined up before you hand your notice in.

Test the market by contacting agencies and then applying for jobs.

At the moment it's just a hypothetical dilemma as you don't anything else to go to or compare it with anyway.

A few years ago I moved from a very male dominated working environment to a much more female-friendly one. I'm much happier now, it's made a big difference.

From experience once you've made up your mind you've had enough, it's hard to keep going in a role which you've outgrown! It sounds like you need a new challenge.

Look for new jobs, take interviews but remember you don't have to take them. You'll get a good feeling if the right thing comes along.

It might even be that the interviews help you find a new love for your job, or make management realise that you need to be recognised. I guess sometimes if they think you are happy they will leave you be!

get some advice on terms of employment. More than once an employer has tried to add terms that aren’t actually legal and/or enforceable- you might have fewer restrictions than you think.

You will always regret what you didn’t do more than what you did.

It’s a cliche but true. You don’t want to get to the end of your working life and think that you wasted 40 years being undervalued and treading water. Some people really don’t care, but you do - so get on with making a move while you still have the patience to plan it sensibly.

Doesn't have to be either / or! Apply for jobs that look better but which offer you the benefits that you care about. Leave when you've secured something you're happier with. That way it won't be throwing away an ideal job, it will be leveraging your experience to secure an even more ideal job. See you current job as a step in your progression.

stay in the job and take up a hobby :)

That was still discrimination... just happened to be discrimination by a woman and not a man!

https://www.gov.uk/part-time-worker-rights

Yes OP start looking for and applying for jobs. I left an organisation I'd been at for over a decade. New job is better paid and I haven't looked back. Despite previously not being able to imagine working elsewhere.

The excellent advice to me on MN was to not resign from my old job before I'd found the new job. This was difficult for me at the time as I'd got to a point where I really wanted to leave. But it was good advice.

I was previously part time so I designated Fridays as job hunting day - look through the vacancies and ideally, make 1 application a week.

It took me 4-5 months to get a job offer.

Looking back there might have been some of the jobs I went for that would have been "worse" - some were short contracts for example.

My new job is full of lovely people who I'm getting to know, and lots of variety. So, go for it OP. I now don't know why I stayed in the old place so long. (Though part of that reason is that it was handier while my kids were younger)

Just chiming in to agree with others. Apply for other jobs and interview your interviewer. I was offered a job following interview but knew (thanks to how open they were in interview) that I wouldn't like the culture. So the search continues. I have a comfortable job now but I would like to move if a good fit comes along.

I couldn't work somewhere else, that would be against my terms of employment

What do you mean by this OP?

@Poppins2016 I note your point but the supervisory roles were full-time roles in that org because the managers needed to be there on business days and it would have been hard to do the role working part-time. Is that discrimination or just reality or maybe both?

the company is mainly men and has a rubbish gender pay gap. I think I am largely taken for granted. I just feel bored, fed up and disillusioned with it and struggle to see how I can progress from here.

Put that in writing to your boss and request a substantial pay rise. Otherwise you will be leaving the company.

Hi OP,

I'd echo what people are saying and start looking externally but only leave if you have a role to go to. My company have given me the tiniest pay rise and its really annoyed me and I want to leave as well. However the flexibility is brilliant and perfect for my kids. The market seems to be on its knees at present in my field (finance) so I'm aware its going to take a while to find the right role. One great bit advice I got was look for roles when you are in a good place mentally. Interviewers sense if you are desperate to leave somewhere

@Mirabai PP suggested i work elsewhere on my day off. I can't do this, my employment contract doesn't allow it. At least not in the type of job I'd be interested in - they'd probably be ok with me working in a shop where there is zero confliect of interest! That is not unsuaul for my position which is fairly senior and involves accessing lots of confidential and commercially sensitive information.

As of yesterday I have a new manager. My manager was promoted and this other guy is now my manager. I can see how it makes sense, he is more senior than me and it was probably, at least in part, to appease him re my manager's promotion. But it has meant that there's just another layer and another person between me and promotion. And while I think he will be a better manager generally, my existing manager will be his and still refusing promotions and pay rises. I was honest with a senior leader in the team and said I really struggled to see were I could go from here.

But thanks all, there are some really great points. I won't leave without something else, definitely not, and in fact I have already been offered an interview. The job market is very hot in my field right now (I know as I have been recruiting myself!) so I should be able to find something. I think I will make some enquiries and see what else is out there and how it compares. I am not desperate to leave at all, in fact I am really torn about even looking, so it's probably a good time to do it.

PP suggested i work elsewhere on my day off

Ah right I couldn’t see what you were responding to.

I’d get a firm offer elsewhere and ask them if they want to match it - but realistically even if they offer you a pay rise to stay, as long your ex manager is still around you may struggle to get promoted. Unless you take the opportunity of the offer to go above your ex manager’s head.

Few tips:

1. getting an offer elsewhere can be used to bargain harder where you are
2. before you take another job, sit somewhere discreetly opposite the entrance/exit at the end of the day. Take a look at what time people are leaving for the day and whether they look content or strung out.

I think you’re right OP, they are taking you for granted. But I also think you are you are cruising a bit. Which came first the chicken or the egg? It doesn’t matter it’s okay to get bored I think you are ready for a change.

I do think after all this time, your career will not really progress unless you make even a sideways move to another company. I see it where I work, people get pigeon holed and when a good new role opens up, they often want external talent. But, it depends a bit on your age and life stage, there are times when I have just wanted an easy ride at work because my outside work life has been stressful. I am also now sticking in my current role to wait for eventual redundancy because I need a lump sum payoff to help my retirement. You need to factor lots of external factors in too.

Can you find an opportunity for you for promotion/progression in the restructure and pitch that to your boss - ideal if you can present it as a win-win for both of you and the company.

You can look for a better paid position elsewhere while you're negotiating at your old place and see with what options you end up with.