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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hospital appointment

66 replies

JustAnotherDayInNorfolk · 10/05/2023 07:05

Yesterday my partner tried to rebook an appointment with a dermatologist consultant for my son which was cancelled due to the last lot of strikes.
He was told he couldn't do it, my son had to do it as he was now 16.

As my partner spent the best part of an hour on the phone and still got nowhere how on earth do they expect my son to do it when he is st school?

AIBU to think that surely I can book an appointment and this system is absolutely crazy that a child has to book his own appointment!

OP posts:
Gtsr443 · 10/05/2023 07:12

My son has just turned 16 and has complex needs and we're finding this kind of thing difficult. He's suddenly expected to be autonomous even when managing medical appointments - they kept insisting I gave an email address for him not me.
The whole system is crap.

Oneglassisnotenough · 10/05/2023 07:13

That’s ridiculous. How frustrating. 🙄

DisquietintheRanks · 10/05/2023 07:16

That's the way it goes with medical stuff at 16. On balance, I think it's a good thing. Gives him 2 years of learning to manage his own healthcare with support from you before he's off and on his own. You can still be involved if he gives permission.

littleblackcat27 · 10/05/2023 07:17

Who the heck is voting that you are being unreasonable??

It's very frustrating - as suddenly the child is no longer 'a child' even though they're not officially an adult until they are 18.

Will they be able to drive themselves to the appointment? Erm , no.

Gtsr443 · 10/05/2023 07:25

DisquietintheRanks · 10/05/2023 07:16

That's the way it goes with medical stuff at 16. On balance, I think it's a good thing. Gives him 2 years of learning to manage his own healthcare with support from you before he's off and on his own. You can still be involved if he gives permission.

Stuck in compulsory education and not allowed to drive or vote or buy a pint or vape or buy a lottery ticket or get a tattoo or buy fireworks or watch porn(legally) but they're expected to navigate the shitshow that is the NHS booking service - even if they have complex needs?

tikkanaan · 10/05/2023 07:31

I can understand why but it would be good if they could appoint a nominated person to help

WeWereInParis · 10/05/2023 07:43

Your son can ring after school though can't he?

But if it's not possible, if your son was happy with it, and your partner is willing, I'd suggest your partner just saying he is your son when he rings.

Willmafrockfit · 10/05/2023 07:44

it is ridiculous,
can you say he has given permission?

SouthCountryGirl · 10/05/2023 07:45

WeWereInParis · 10/05/2023 07:43

Your son can ring after school though can't he?

But if it's not possible, if your son was happy with it, and your partner is willing, I'd suggest your partner just saying he is your son when he rings.

Not all departments are open after school. I've had to phone one thats 830-1230pm.

Willmafrockfit · 10/05/2023 07:46

is there no computer system for rebooking?

Gtsr443 · 10/05/2023 07:52

tikkanaan · 10/05/2023 07:31

I can understand why but it would be good if they could appoint a nominated person to help

They still have to do it in person to say they consent to the parent acting on their behalf.
My son has no clue who he is talking to or why and finds it all very stressful.
I mean we're not talking about consent to remove a kidney or something it's just to book an appointment.

Wrongsideofpennines · 10/05/2023 07:53

This is actually ridiculous. Because it would totally be accepted the other way round if you were the 'child' ringing on behalf of a 90 year old who couldn't manage on the phone.

If the booking line is only open during school hours then I guess you'd have to keep him off to do it alongside him if that's their insistence. And then write to PALs and tell them your son is missing compulsory education because their system is ridiculous.

AutomaticNo · 10/05/2023 07:54

It's crazy. My ds has to have prescription email requested by me, but can collect the script, even though it is CD's and has to be collected by an "adult" or I can also collect, but all notifications go to him and weight/height requests go to him and he has to make appointments but cant request scripts. There is no logic.

Blackalice · 10/05/2023 07:59

Gtsr443 · 10/05/2023 07:12

My son has just turned 16 and has complex needs and we're finding this kind of thing difficult. He's suddenly expected to be autonomous even when managing medical appointments - they kept insisting I gave an email address for him not me.
The whole system is crap.

My 17yo son had the same issue at 16 and I got an appointeeship for him so I can arrange appointments, sign things, speak to HMRC on his behalf. It had started to become a real issue before that.

DisquietintheRanks · 10/05/2023 08:01

@Gtsr443 one of mine also has complex needs, he will start transitioning to adult services at 16 and will likely need the full 2 years to learn to manage the system, deal w appointments etc. What's the alternative - a sharp cut off at 18?

A nt 16 year old should, with support, be able to arrange an appointment and a lift. Then for the following appointment it should be more familiar and they'll need less support. And by 18 they should be ready to manage independently, not just starting to think about it.

If a 16 year old truly can't manage with little hope they'll manage at 18 then it's a good time to start thinking about how their care will be managed then and whether they need to be recognised as a vulnerable adult at 18.

Gtsr443 · 10/05/2023 08:02

Blackalice · 10/05/2023 07:59

My 17yo son had the same issue at 16 and I got an appointeeship for him so I can arrange appointments, sign things, speak to HMRC on his behalf. It had started to become a real issue before that.

Show quote history

@Blackalice I've got appointeeship for HMRC etc - does it apply for NHS too? It worries me because he can't make LPA until he's 18.

Willmafrockfit · 10/05/2023 08:05

for complex needs you need a deputyship i think

Gtsr443 · 10/05/2023 08:06

What's the alternative - a sharp cut off at 18?

A computerised booking system which means he doesn't have to spend hours on the phone navigating options and talking to strangers.

Pacques · 10/05/2023 08:06

My son took six overdoses last month and no medical/ psychiatric/ crisis staff will speak to me his mother. They just discharge him and send him home to me to look after, but I am not allowed to discuss his "care" with those who "care" for him,

Willmafrockfit · 10/05/2023 08:06

i couldnt make a dentist appt for dd, i wondered if they would allow me to make one for my dh?

Harebrain · 10/05/2023 08:08

It’s a ridiculous system but you can just ring up and pretend to be your son. Book the appointment and you’re done.

Gtsr443 · 10/05/2023 08:08

Willmafrockfit · 10/05/2023 08:05

for complex needs you need a deputyship i think

Yes. He's borderline LPA/Court of Protection. There is this 16 - 18 no man's land.
And all to book an appointment!

Gtsr443 · 10/05/2023 08:11

@Pacques that's so awful. I'm so sorry. I don't think most parents realise how abruptly they can lose influence in their child's care until they find themselves where you are.

SundaeLove · 10/05/2023 08:14

Pacques · 10/05/2023 08:06

My son took six overdoses last month and no medical/ psychiatric/ crisis staff will speak to me his mother. They just discharge him and send him home to me to look after, but I am not allowed to discuss his "care" with those who "care" for him,

wow how shocking ! 😞

tikkanaan · 10/05/2023 08:15

Gtsr443 · 10/05/2023 08:06

What's the alternative - a sharp cut off at 18?

A computerised booking system which means he doesn't have to spend hours on the phone navigating options and talking to strangers.

I mean that would be good wouldn't it! I'd be happy with them just paying someone to answer their phones at the moment.