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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hospital appointment

66 replies

JustAnotherDayInNorfolk · 10/05/2023 07:05

Yesterday my partner tried to rebook an appointment with a dermatologist consultant for my son which was cancelled due to the last lot of strikes.
He was told he couldn't do it, my son had to do it as he was now 16.

As my partner spent the best part of an hour on the phone and still got nowhere how on earth do they expect my son to do it when he is st school?

AIBU to think that surely I can book an appointment and this system is absolutely crazy that a child has to book his own appointment!

OP posts:
tikkanaan · 10/05/2023 08:16

Pacques · 10/05/2023 08:06

My son took six overdoses last month and no medical/ psychiatric/ crisis staff will speak to me his mother. They just discharge him and send him home to me to look after, but I am not allowed to discuss his "care" with those who "care" for him,

That's ridiculous. I'm so sorry

Pigstrotter · 10/05/2023 08:17

I’d just say that I was the son.

RandomMess · 10/05/2023 08:17

My DD was allowed to give permission for me to be to be notified of appointments etc. has had MH issues and ADHD so once they sent a letter telling her off for missing 2 appointments in 12 months they were ok with it

DisquietintheRanks · 10/05/2023 08:21

Willmafrockfit · 10/05/2023 08:06

i couldnt make a dentist appt for dd, i wondered if they would allow me to make one for my dh?

Why would you have to make one for your dh?

tikkanaan · 10/05/2023 08:21

DisquietintheRanks · 10/05/2023 08:21

Why would you have to make one for your dh?

Show quote history

Maybe he can't phone himself? Not everyone is able to use a phone.

DisquietintheRanks · 10/05/2023 08:22

Gtsr443 · 10/05/2023 08:06

What's the alternative - a sharp cut off at 18?

A computerised booking system which means he doesn't have to spend hours on the phone navigating options and talking to strangers.

That would be good for everyone but, until it exists, he needs a way of dealing with the system as it is.

DisquietintheRanks · 10/05/2023 08:25

@tikkanaan so do you think it's reasonable for any adult to be able to make/change/ enquire about medical appointments for any other adult, or only spouses, or family members? Or is it better that medical privacy is something an adult has to consciously give away?

Mumoftwoinprimary · 10/05/2023 08:26

DisquietintheRanks · 10/05/2023 08:21

Why would you have to make one for your dh?

Show quote history

I have made a dentist appointment for dh. I book all 4 of us together. Far less hassle than 4 separate appointments (and so 4 drives across town in nightmare traffic).

Boxbedbank · 10/05/2023 08:28

I have an adult child with asd and health issues. We got around this (advised by asd team) by writing a letter which dc signed basically saying who they were, that they give permission (until further notice) for parent to act on their behalf.
It's worked for the last two years. Occasionally I've had to remind them that the letter is on system.

CabernetSauvignon · 10/05/2023 08:28

It's a bit daft to have this rule for phone appointments. After all, your DH could just phone back and pretend to be your son, they won't know any better.

tikkanaan · 10/05/2023 08:34

DisquietintheRanks · 10/05/2023 08:25

@tikkanaan so do you think it's reasonable for any adult to be able to make/change/ enquire about medical appointments for any other adult, or only spouses, or family members? Or is it better that medical privacy is something an adult has to consciously give away?

I think its something an adult has to consciously give away if able to. Or apply for guardianship if they can't.

I was just saying if the posters DH can't use the phone there must be a way of ensuring the poster can phone on his behalf if that's what he wants. Not just because he's lazy but if he physically cannot use a phone.

Gtsr443 · 10/05/2023 08:35

DisquietintheRanks · 10/05/2023 08:22

That would be good for everyone but, until it exists, he needs a way of dealing with the system as it is.

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He has a of dealing with the system.
Me.

Gtsr443 · 10/05/2023 08:36

Boxbedbank · 10/05/2023 08:28

I have an adult child with asd and health issues. We got around this (advised by asd team) by writing a letter which dc signed basically saying who they were, that they give permission (until further notice) for parent to act on their behalf.
It's worked for the last two years. Occasionally I've had to remind them that the letter is on system.

Who is the letter with? The GP?

ClairDeLaLune · 10/05/2023 08:37

Pigstrotter · 10/05/2023 08:17

I’d just say that I was the son.

Yep. That’s what we do when sorting out insurance - one of our cars is insured in DS’s name but he’s away at uni.

Boxbedbank · 10/05/2023 08:47

Gtsr443 · 10/05/2023 08:36

Who is the letter with? The GP?

Show quote history

You have to send a copy to every team involved in care. So in dc case gp, consultant, asd team, dietian, specialist nurses.

SlipSlidinAway · 10/05/2023 08:57

I made a GP appointment for dh recently. I was ringing up anyway to request a repeat prescription so said I would book his appointment at the same time.

LIZS · 10/05/2023 08:59

Strange I had to reschedule an appointment for dd by phone as she is abroad and had no issue doing so. Can he not pretend/imply he is your ds?

Gtsr443 · 10/05/2023 09:12

@Boxbedbank Thanks for info. I'll do that.

itsjustnotok · 10/05/2023 09:15

Gtsr443 · 10/05/2023 07:25

Stuck in compulsory education and not allowed to drive or vote or buy a pint or vape or buy a lottery ticket or get a tattoo or buy fireworks or watch porn(legally) but they're expected to navigate the shitshow that is the NHS booking service - even if they have complex needs?

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In cases like this I would have the loud speaker on, both sat together so that he can answer questions and someone is there to help and then see if there’s a way to alter things so that you can book etc on behalf of the child.

itsjustnotok · 10/05/2023 09:20

littleblackcat27 · 10/05/2023 07:17

Who the heck is voting that you are being unreasonable??

It's very frustrating - as suddenly the child is no longer 'a child' even though they're not officially an adult until they are 18.

Will they be able to drive themselves to the appointment? Erm , no.

Medical issues are always a bit tricky and can be a bit of a minefield. Some kids don’t want their parents knowing medical info and want that privacy, others need someone to advocate. Unless a child signs a form giving permission for clinicians to discuss with parents then absolutely they should be the only ones able to determine medical care at 16 - as long as they have capacity to do so.

Gtsr443 · 10/05/2023 09:50

itsjustnotok · 10/05/2023 09:15

In cases like this I would have the loud speaker on, both sat together so that he can answer questions and someone is there to help and then see if there’s a way to alter things so that you can book etc on behalf of the child.

Show quote history

No good if the child is non-verbal or has selective mutism or SALT needs or hearing needs. We shouldn't have to go through a pantomime of pretending that our children with disabilities can manage because one day they were 15 and now they are 16 and it's all change.
My son needs support because of his disabilities not his age. He will always need support.

Gtsr443 · 10/05/2023 09:52

itsjustnotok · 10/05/2023 09:20

Medical issues are always a bit tricky and can be a bit of a minefield. Some kids don’t want their parents knowing medical info and want that privacy, others need someone to advocate. Unless a child signs a form giving permission for clinicians to discuss with parents then absolutely they should be the only ones able to determine medical care at 16 - as long as they have capacity to do so.

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Yup and that is what is missing - that form that says my disabled 16 year old cannot do this. Not sure why EHCPs don't include this.

itsjustnotok · 10/05/2023 09:55

Gtsr443 · 10/05/2023 09:52

Yup and that is what is missing - that form that says my disabled 16 year old cannot do this. Not sure why EHCPs don't include this.

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Totally agree. It would remove the constant need to reiterate and make medical care easier for everyone involved. Patient centred to the benefit of the patient and sometimes that means the need to advocate on behalf of someone. I don’t know why it’s made so complex.

NeedToChangeName · 10/05/2023 09:58

Blackalice · 10/05/2023 07:59

My 17yo son had the same issue at 16 and I got an appointeeship for him so I can arrange appointments, sign things, speak to HMRC on his behalf. It had started to become a real issue before that.

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Appointeeship only authorises you to deal with DWP benefits. For wider authority, you need guardianship, but it's quite a complex/ expensive process, sadly

Gtsr443 · 10/05/2023 10:08

Some kids don’t want their parents knowing medical info and want that privacy,

Yes I think the medical autonomy at 16 thing was to make access to contraception and abortion and STD treatment easier (which I fully support).

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