I’ve put the “friends” in quotes as I’m not even sure they are really my friends...
Anyway; I have a small group of friends that I know from school; and I just feel they never make an effort with me.
I am the only one of the group to ever host anything. Occasionally; one of them will suggest we go somewhere out, but I haven’t seen the inside of their houses for years.
They will often cancel last minute, often the morning or afternoon of an event so I’m left having spent money on food/drink/a spread for no one to show and most of it to be wasted. Excuses range from “Sorry I’m too tired”, “I’ve picked up and extra shift” and “I went out to town”
One in particular will often turn up to things I’m hosting having already eaten, despite me saying clearly that I’m going to be doing food! If I ask them to bring some drink to share they never do.
Another thing that niggles me - though DH thinks I’m being especially precious here - is that very occasionally I’ll state some form “dress code” nothing too restrictive or formal but for example I might host for Halloween and ask for fancy dress, or very occasionally I might feel like getting dressed up and host a “proper” dinner party and request on the invite more formal wear…. They always turn up in work gear / tracksuit / T shirt… I wouldn’t mind at all if they made even the smallest effort!
On Saturday I hosted afternoon tea. I invited them all and they all said they were coming. I spent three days making everything from scratch. I didn’t mind this as I love baking and cooking. I did a whole spread, and expected them at 3pm; got up early to finish off the baking, decorated the house etc. I made it clear I was putting effort in - posting pictures of my baking in the group chat and letting them know I was looking forward to seeing them… one messaged at 11 to say she’d picked up an extra shift at work. One messaged at 2pm to say she was tired so couldn’t come, shortly followed by another saying if the tired friend wasn’t coming then she wasn’t either. Finally one did show up, an hour and a half late, drunk, already eaten so didn’t want any of the spread, and could only stay for an hour as they wanted to go to a gig in town…
DH says that’s just the way the world is when you’re an adult and busy and I shouldn’t hold it against them. But I really do! Every time I say I’m never inviting them again; but I always end up giving them “one more chance”
Another potential mitigating factor here - and i’m really trying not to sound snobby here so I apologise is that we all grew up in a pretty rough area. Im the only one who went to uni, has a career etc. I’m aquatinted with the wider social circle so I’m 99.9% sure I’m the only one that ever invites them to things that aren’t “come as you are, let’s drink vodka and smoke weed” type things. I still get invited to these type of things but never go - it’s just not my thing! That said, if I did accept an invitation I’d make sure I’d honour it! Again: I only bring this up as sometimes I tell myself they don’t mean to be rude; but probably don’t “get it” when I host things sometimes.
So AIBU to things these “friends” are just a bit crap?