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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to worry about DH letting toddler play in rivers

53 replies

somewheratsea · 09/05/2023 11:54

I don't know if it's because i'm nearly full-term pregnant and it's my hormones, but i'm completely panicking right now, as DH has just sent me a video of him letting DD (who's nearly 2) playing in a river nearby. She stood in it up to her knees and is splashing and putting her hands in it. I know this river does have paddleboarders and wild swimmers, but I've seen ducks, cows and rats in it before now.

DH says that i'm being a paranoid wreck and loads of kids play in rivers, but from my POV this isn't something I did as a kid - and I'm terrified she's going to get Weil's disease or pick up some nasty parasite, as she's not old enough to understand basic hygiene and is prone to putting hands in her mouth.

He told me he used a wet wipe on her hands afterwards - which isn't exactly washing them well in my opinion.

I have anxiety and OCD, which I know can cloud my judgement on what's ''safe'' but I feel like this was just a risk that didn't need to be taken.

I feel so angry at DH and don't know whether i'm just being a boring unreasonable person, and that most normal people would just let their kids have fun doing this?

OP posts:
Almie · 09/05/2023 12:23

Nooo I wouldn't be ok with this at all. I'm probably influenced by the fact that the river near me isn't safe for paddling at all and I can think of several kids/teenagers who've drowned there in my lifetime, so maybe it's common in areas where the river is safer. But yeah, I wouldn't be happy about that either.

tikkanaan · 09/05/2023 12:24

No. I have seen people doing this and it makes me wince.

MaggieFS · 09/05/2023 12:25

I'm on the fence... it's what I did with DC1 during the lockdowns! And we were all fine. But normally I'd say no.

rainraingoawaay · 09/05/2023 12:26

There's lots of rivers near me, which are paddled in throughout the summer so it would be totally normal to me!

I'd perhaps have a chat with him and explain your worries (is he close enough to toddler if they get into difficulty etc) but I don't think it's inherently a bad idea.

takealettermsjones · 09/05/2023 12:26

I let my 2yo paddle and play in rivers in the summer. Obviously where the flow is slow and I'm in with her, keeping hold of her. Also the banks of lakes, the sea...

Highlyflavouredgravy · 09/05/2023 12:26

My kids used to love doing this when they were little. We have many pics of them having fun. They can learn so much doing it too.
Your husband is a responsible adult. Try and trust him.

Hoppinggreen · 09/05/2023 12:27

Wouldn’t worry me at all from a hygiene point of view, although I would prefer they didn’t drink from it.
The only concern would be drowning but it doesn’t sound like that was a danger here

febrezeme · 09/05/2023 12:27

If it's up to her knees and she is 2 then it's pretty shallow - assuming he is beside her then no I wouldn't have an issue with it and regularly let my mob paddle

Paq · 09/05/2023 12:27

I'd be absolutely fine with this as long as he's right beside her and there's no chance she'll get swept downstream!

Lcb123 · 09/05/2023 12:28

I'd be a little more concerned with the drowning but fine if he's standing next to her. Otherwise seems very normal and what kids have been doing for generations

Ponoka7 · 09/05/2023 12:28

Is your only fear catching something? If so you shouldn't be letting your anxiety stop your DD's exploring and learning about her environment. He'll be teaching her safety as he goes. Many people swim in rivers, it's rare, if none existant that a river doesn't have rats. It's called wild swimming for a reason.

FatFool · 09/05/2023 12:30

I swam in a river when I was 13 and ended up very ill, vomiting and fever. I must have swallowed some water that had sewage in it, I ended up on antibiotics.

FirstTimeNameChanger · 09/05/2023 12:31

I swim year round in my nearest river, my children come with me in warmer weather. They splash, paddle, skip stones, build dams... This is healthy, normal, and absolutely positive and uplifting. Indoors is cleaner, drier, and probably less germs about, but outside is so so important. We need to teach and encourage children to engage with nature. It's normal, it's what children need to do, and I think when we lose sight of that it is a huge loss.

Snowontheroof · 09/05/2023 12:31

People have caught Weil's disease in a river near me, however it does meander through miles of farmlend used by cattle before the point where the public can easily access it.

As a child I used to play and swim in a river that came off moorland - it never made me ill, but I suppose it was less likely to be heavily contaminated by livestock.

Kanaloa · 09/05/2023 12:32

I wouldn’t let my child play in a river. They can access water play in a safe environment at home or nursery or swimming.

Ilkleymoor · 09/05/2023 12:34

Unless there is known risk to this specific water, it's fine, I would happily do the same. Maybe ask him to anti bac her hands as well as wet wipe so some of your worries are met.

If you have anxiety it's really important not to let this affect your child's freedom to explore - but your partner can't just claim ever concern is the anxiety talking. Find a middle ground

LaviniasBigBloomers · 09/05/2023 12:35

There are 50 - 80 cases of Weil's disease in England and Wales every year.

While I accept that a high % of the population aren't hanging about on the river (more's the pity) that is a tiny, tiny %. You need to let this one go. What a lovely thing for DC to do, splash in the river.

Natsku · 09/05/2023 12:37

It would depend on the river for me, like what likelihood there is for there to be raw sewage in there or fertiliser runoff.

We live by a lake and paddle and swim in in the summer but if there's blue green algae there, which sometimes happens in warmer summers, then I don't let the children in the water as its poisonous.

Frabbits · 09/05/2023 12:37

Assuming there is no risk of the child being swept away or drowning then it's absolutely fine.

RedHelenB · 09/05/2023 12:38

Hoppinggreen · 09/05/2023 12:27

Wouldn’t worry me at all from a hygiene point of view, although I would prefer they didn’t drink from it.
The only concern would be drowning but it doesn’t sound like that was a danger here

This.

Stompythedinosaur · 09/05/2023 12:39

This was a normal thing with my dc. As long as she's supervised, I think it is a good thing to do!

The reality is that any sort of outdoor play means you might come into contact with a place a wild animal had been, and we clearly don't regularly become sick from this. I think it is unhealthy to want to sterilise a child's environment to the point they can't have contact with nature.

goodkidsmaadhouse · 09/05/2023 12:40

My kids play and swim in the river all summer long. The oldest is now 9 and none of them have ever got ill from it. Being in the river is just so lovely.

My brother and his friends used to swim in a London canal as kids. That was fairly grim. None of them got sick though.

Stompythedinosaur · 09/05/2023 12:40

Maybe thing about it like this - it's no different to paddling at a beach and that's a really normal thing for toddlers to do.

QuintanaRoo · 09/05/2023 12:42

Would not worry me from a hygiene pov at all. I used to let dd do this all the time and to be honest I’m not sure I even wiped her hands before starting the picnic. Obviously she needs to be supervised to make sure she doesn’t drown. I have great memories myself as a child playing in rivers and streams, we used to take nets and try and catch fish.

NooNooTheNotSoGreat · 09/05/2023 12:42

Considering how much raw sewage is released into many rivers, I wouldn't exactly be thrilled either.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/explainers-62631320