AIBU to worry about DH letting toddler play in rivers

[somewheratsea]

I don't know if it's because i'm nearly full-term pregnant and it's my hormones, but i'm completely panicking right now, as DH has just sent me a video of him letting DD (who's nearly 2) playing in a river nearby. She stood in it up to her knees and is splashing and putting her hands in it. I know this river does have paddleboarders and wild swimmers, but I've seen ducks, cows and rats in it before now.

DH says that i'm being a paranoid wreck and loads of kids play in rivers, but from my POV this isn't something I did as a kid - and I'm terrified she's going to get Weil's disease or pick up some nasty parasite, as she's not old enough to understand basic hygiene and is prone to putting hands in her mouth.

He told me he used a wet wipe on her hands afterwards - which isn't exactly washing them well in my opinion.

I have anxiety and OCD, which I know can cloud my judgement on what's ''safe'' but I feel like this was just a risk that didn't need to be taken.

I feel so angry at DH and don't know whether i'm just being a boring unreasonable person, and that most normal people would just let their kids have fun doing this?

Family friend went paddleboarding with her young ds. He had a nasty stomach bug afterwards (fell in and got a gulp of water). This was a canal downstream of a large town though.

I wouldn't let a 2 year old paddle in a river which is downstream of any big town or city. Their immune systems aren't fully developed and could be vulnerable to picking something up. Remote stream in the countryside somewhere, I wouldn't really care too much.

You also have to consider the pollution (oil, chemicals etc) that are no doubt floating around...plus anything like smashed glass or cans on the river bed.

My main worry would be the temperature. Must be quite chilly at this time of year... watersports and open swimmers are in wetsuits.

Would you be OK with dc splashing in the Med op?

The Mediterranean is one of the most polluted waters in the world - not just plastics but there's only one exit point and hundreds of rivers and industrial areas pumping waste in every day.

A splash in a river is likely to be very safe assuming she's not drinking the water and having her hands wiped afterwards. She's more likely to get food poisoning from a dodgy Mr Whippy ice cream van!

Bet she'll grow up to have a fantastic immune system.

I don't let my dogs paddle or drink from rivers unless I know for certain that there are no sewage outflows upstream. Shit is regularly pumped into our local river (thank you Thames Water and the Tories) and there have been reports of dogs getting sick after swimming downstream from the outflow. Dogs also got sick from running through water lying in the water meadows downstream from the river flooding. UK rivers are filthy now, the dirtiest in Europe, so no OP, you are definitely not being U to be concerned.

Yes my children did when little, obviously under supervision..really good for them to be with nature.

It terrifies me when I see people of any age in the river, particularly knee deep or more. Every summer I see kids swimming around in deep water. It’s so dangerous. Rivers are not to be messed with. Undercurrent are horrific and if you lose a grip on your child you’ve not got much chance of finding them.

I’d be less concerned about the germs side of it, although diluted sewage gets release into rivers hourly so I probably wouldn’t allow it in a low diluted river with an outfall nearby. Not concerned about anything else though.

We used to swim in the river (Thames) when we were little (upstream, nowhere near London) and it did us no harm.
Our parents did draw the line at letting us swim in the canal (which was a shame as it ran along the bottom of our garden).

I wouldn't, but that's because the river near me often has broken glass in (we're urban but not in a particularly dodgy area). Now they're older I'd still prefer they didn't but see lots of kids their age that do (hopefully with shoes on).

I agree with the principle of your comment but you can’t blame the Tories (I’m not a Tory FYI). It’s been happening since the Victorian times when the drainage systems were first built. People have just noticed that’s all, with the advent of organised sea activities, river swimming and people paying more attention, as well as (finally) increased monitoring of the systems and questioning rightly the horrific profits water companies are making and have been making for many years without reinvestment. Nationalising the system would have been no better. It’s not a ‘new’ issue at all, it’s been this way for decades upon decades.

Unfortunately it has never in the history of water companies been addressed in successive lines of government. It’s not something new governments will be able to resolve either, sadly.

You've heard how much sewage is pumped into rivers on an almost constant basis right? Maybe your stretch of river is fine, but maybe its not. Wouldn't take the risk.

Depends entirely where the river is, how fast flowing, potential pollution from run-off etc. There are lots of safe rivers and lakes in the U.K. where kids (and adults) paddle/swim regularly and don’t come to any harm.

I can and do blame the Tories. They refuse to legislate to regulate water companies. They refuse to legislate to force water companies to invest in infrastructure. They took us out of EU legislation that forced water companies to maintain river and in shore sea health. We had some lovely clean rivers and lots of blue ribbon beaches pre-2016. Now there is untreated shit everywhere, pouring into rivers and the sea. Literally every organisation with skin in the game is saying the buck stops with the government.

Things my child develops/ learns from playing in the river:
Safe risk taking
Water safety
How do approach open bodies of water safely
What to do if you get in trouble in water
Physical strength
Spatial awareness
Physics
Tolerance of cold/ dirt/ mud
Engineering (dam building)
The way the natural world changes over seasons and according to weather and conditions
The names of plants and animals
That the outdoor world is fun
That the outdoor world can be dangerous
What her body can do

The risk of Weil's etc is small. The risk of drowning is small as I'm a responsible adult (as is hopefully OPs husband)
The benefits are huge, and if we don't allow our kids to develop these skills and strengths they really miss out

Thank you everyone for these messages. A lot of wisdom from MN which I'm leaning into to assume that in this instance she will probably be fine. I would absolutely trust DH to not let her go in anywhere deep or with a current, as that's a risk I think he's highly aware of - we just clash heavily when it comes to levels of things he considers ''childhood fun'' and I personally think are gross!

Thank you also to everyone reminding me about the benefits of playing outside and with dirt etc. I am really working hard to not pass any of my anxieties onto her, as don't want her growing up with these kind of worries!

Absolutely this!!

But they’ve never been properly legislated, through any government. There’s no more or less sewage entering the rivers now than there was 20 years ago. It literally hasn’t changed. It’s just monitored now so everyone can see it (which is a good thing) It’s about time something was done but it’s literally nothing new! All of the sewage treatment works need upgrading which will cost billions of pounds and take, many, many years so nothing is going to change any time soon. I agree it’s a shitty state of affairs!

I’d be more worried about drowning than the hygiene aspect of this. I would have thought stagnant water like a pond is more risky for parasites rather than a river (waiting for someone with more scientific knowledge than me to correct me on this!).

Absolutely fine by me. I spent my childhood playing in rivers and streams, usually unsupervised and have managed to survive into my 50's

My kids have loved playing in rivers. Obviously with an adult near by and not a deep one.

Drowning would worry me more than anything else. We have a gentle river near us that children / teens used to play in all the time but last year a group of teens all got into difficulty - one area looked safe but there was a huge dip in it with lots of tangly weeds underneath the water and one of them had to be rescued, the others went after them trying to help but all of them had to be rescued from the water. No one lets their kids play there anymore.

Contamination risk at this side of the summer- very low. Drowning risk potentially higher if dh isn't vigilant. I guess you will know if he grew up around rivers/ is confident in water etc.

Ordinarily, I'd say yabu but given the current state of our waterways I don't disagree with you.

She ought to be careful not to get water in her face (eyes/nose/mouth) or in any cuts or abrasions and if she develops any illness within a couple of weeks of playing in water you should take her to gp and tell them.

I'm glad you're able to see the alternate view, OP. Classily done.