Rude ladies at street party.

[KidneyWarrior]

My username says it all really. I'm on dialysis while waiting for a new kidney. I do it from home (pd). I went to a street party yesterday and my two neighbours were talking about my dog. They first told me that he was my DPs dog, not mine, because DP takes him for a walk most of the time, mainly because I'm hooked up to a machine you know. They then inferred that I was lazy - I said, I walk him too sometimes, they said, where, just down the road, and were generally having a good laugh at my expense. I tried to laugh it off so as not to create a scene with the rest of our lovely neighbours. But I am dreadfully tired and dizzy all the time at the moment while I wait for a new organ.

But since I've come home, I've though about it a lot. I feel really worthless while waiting for this transplant, and I feel like I've been judged by two complete strangers to me. I don't look ill at all, and they would have no idea I was ill, but tbh, I didn't feel like explaining my medical health with them. On the one hand, maybe I should have explained why I'm not active at the moment but on the other hand, why should I? However, I now feel really uneasy about the whole episode. I feel dreadful and ill at the moment anyway as I can't sleep so my just be sensitive but I really I feel like these two women were tacky. I still don't know whether to explain myself now. My health feels like it should be allowed to be a private matter, but I don't want these women thinking I'm lazy.

YABU = I should have explained myself and my illness.

YANBU = they should have had more class and noy judged a stranger.

Curtain twitchers I hate neighbours that watch and disect everything that others do.

I would have have told them to mind their own fucking business.

I don't think you should have to tell them about your health. I can't imagine implying to anyone that they were lazy. For a start none of us know each other's physical and mental health issues but mainly because it's bloody rude.

I agree they were probably a little thoughtless rather than rude and were teasing rather than judging. I'd imagine though it's made you wonder if others are judging you and if yhe whole world thinks you're lazy. I doubt it, but people will judge and pressume and speculate....its human nature and you probably do that too. I've just read a post about a beggar that the poster knew wasn't really homeless and was capable of getting a job as a waiter.
You did the right thing by not retorting. Well done. I hope it's not too long before you get your transplant. You've motivated me to ensure everyone is aware I'm happy to donate my organs.

Sorry you experienced this. I'd have told them exactly what I was going through just to see their faces drop. Some people are absolute knobs.

They sound like bitches. Across the road have a dog and I see the guy go on several walks a day with it and his wife not so often. It would never ever occur to me to comment on that. It's so stupid and they must have very boring lives.

Blimey, who has time to judge which member of the household walks the dog?

Ignore them, OP. Hope you feel better soon. Onwards and upwards.

This. They made a dopey joke, it hit you on a sensitive spot because you’re feeling so unwell. I imagine they’d be horrified if they knew why you seldom walk the dog, but you’re perfectly entitled not to discuss your health with strangers. Best wishes for the future — a friend’s BIL got a new kidney last autumn, and is a new man these days. Hope it happens quickly for you.

This, especially the last sentence and the fact that you said nothing will make it even more mortifying for them when they realise just how judgemental and insensitive they have been

What are they doing, monitoring who walks your dog? That in itself is weird.
My daughter has MS. One symptom is extreme fatigue. She looks like a perfectly healthy 17 year old. But she gets tired. I hope people aren't calling her lazy behind her back.

Wow - I wonder if they make similar judgements about households where the woman is the one doing all the dog walking (& school runs, putting out laundry, gardening....)

On the plus side, a friend of mine had a transplant towards the end of last year, and was feeling so much better is a relatively short space of time, fingers crossed that you get some good news soon.

I totally see why you didn't tell them, as its none of their business, but I don't think I could have helped myself but explain in excruciating detail exactly why I'm not full of boundless energy if I was in your shoes - make them really uncomfortable so they might think twice in future!

But it's not your job to educate people in how not to be a that, so no blame here for taking the higher ground and ignoring them!!

This.

No, you don't have to explain your medical history to anyone, but OTOH, they were just chatting, maybe following on from something they'd been theorising about in their own lives about one of them ending up with all the work to do with their pet or something. It's hit a nerve with you because of your illness, but it wasn't personal nor particularly rude.
Up to you how much you want to share with anyone, including nothing at all, but there are lots of things you could have said, depending on how much you were prepared to, or how pleasant or how rude you wanted to be.

Fellow renal patient here.

Your comment about "feeling worthless" while waiting for a transplant sounds very sad, hence, why you're giving the neighbours' tasteless "witticisms" more head space than they deserve.
Is there a Psychologist attached to your renal unit @KidneyWarrior ?
I wondered if you might benefit from some psychological support from them, if there is?

Home PD can be quite isolating - though, it was my treatment of choice too, but I am a control freak.

I would have been so tempted to say " You're both right. I don't walk the dog enough so, which one of you is offering me a kidney so I can get out and about a bit more?"

Good luck.

Complete and utter arseholes. You definitely didn't to explain anything. How stupid can people be?
Wishing you all the very best.

“I’m on dialysis, you pair of judgmental cunts,” is what I would have loved for you to have said. But I understand why you didn’t.

Fucking bitches.

Bitches and cunts, lovely bit of misogynist shit there. Long live the sisterhood eh? Well done

When you get your transplant you’ll get a new lease of life.
They’ll still be cunts. 😡

They weren't very funny

I don't know why it's bothered me so much. I feel shocking but I feel like I've managed to mostly seem normal, despite dialysis and hospital stays and transplant assessments. I really feel knocked by it, almost like now I have to admit I'm ill.

'The rectory'? They'll never get to heaven judging like that!
I hate judgy cunts that jump to the wrong conclusion with their analyses.

They were incredibly rude, not funny, and visibly mean, as can be seen by your neighbour stopping them. I would be tempted in your position to get your nice neighbour or DH to fill them in briefly when they next see them so that they realise what utter idiots they were, but sympathise that you shouldn't need to share anything you don't want to with them or anyone.

Oh fuck off, do. Focus on the actual issue at hand, two nasty pieces of work giving a woman shit for not walking her dog as much as they deem suitable. A woman who had too much Grace to tell them she’s on dialysis.

I called a man a dickhead once (ok, more than once. A lot more than once.) I presume covertimage would find that misandrist.

Incidentally, I use all sorts of insults, utilising all sorts of genitalia, and use them for absolutely everyone. Gender and sex not specific. I’m nothing if not inclusive.

I wanted to vote both really. No, you shouldn't have to tell them, of course. But I'd want them to know they were being dicks, which I'm sure they'd feel with knowing the truth. Horrid women!

@Tiddlypomtiddlypom Part of me wishes I'd said something. But my overriding instinct was not to cause unpleasantness, especially to our lovely neighbours who had planned the event. But I've felt awful today, they must be watching my house, and judging that DH does more than me. And I feel awful that I was told our dog is not really my dog. It was so rude. Would she have liked it if I said her children were more her DH's than hers? This is the first time I have ever met this woman.