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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think it's ok for my baby to gag while learning to eat solids?

32 replies

TheBerry · 08/05/2023 12:25

First of all, I HATE seeing my baby gag. It makes my heart stop. I'm terrified he'll choke.

However, I've done my research and read everything the NHS and WHO has to say and watched videos and they're all saying that although a baby gagging can look alarming it's normal and even a necessary part of development.

My boy is nearly 8 months, has no teeth yet, but is advanced with his motor skills. We give him toast and soft cooked veg and sometimes he gags a bit but not too much.

Today I was at my mum's and he was really shovelling the toast in and then he started gagging quite loudly and threw up the milk he'd just drank. He was fine and kept trying to eat more toast after.

I did find it scary to watch but I knew he was gagging not choking. I tried to be calm about it. Mum was horrified and thinks he was close to choking and that babies shouldn't be allowed to gag.

I showed her stuff from the NHS website and a video of a baby gagging which looked and sounded similar to what had just happened. She says she just disagrees with the NHS.

I'll admit I'd be quite happy to not feed him finger foods because the gagging does scare me but at the same time I'm trying to be rational. Mum just thinks it's wrong and that I won't listen to anybody else's opinion - but it's not my opinion per se it's the NHS's!

AIBU and he shouldn't be allowed to gag that much? Or is that amount of gagging ok, even when he throws up?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheBerry · 08/05/2023 12:30

Sorry don’t know why there’s no voting button.

OP posts:
Curtains70 · 08/05/2023 12:32

Yeah my Mum was like this and I took her to a baby weaning class and we got all the information about it which made her feel better.

That being said I do let mine gag a bit but if I think there is a problem food then I do cut it into smaller pieces until she gets used to it. Toast was a big one for us so I did give her smaller pieces and watch closely and not let her take loads. She's chews much better now so I give her little triangles and she's fine.

Mine is 1 now so mum is a bit more comfortable with it but when she was younger if Mum was baby sitting I was happy for her to just give purees as I didn't want her to be nervous.

Scalessayeek · 08/05/2023 12:33

Gagging is fine and totally part of them learning to eat. Some won’t gag at all, some will. I’d recommend a first aid course for babies which covers choking or watch some videos on YouTube. Remember not to intervene unless very necessary and it’s a fish hook action so you don’t push food further down.

CindersAgain · 08/05/2023 12:33

Yes, gagging is fine. Keep on with the finger food and he’ll learn what to do.

Scroobydoo · 08/05/2023 12:34

You'll get a lot of mixed advice here OP but I totally agree with you. Gagging is a perfectly normal (and life saving!) Reflex that babies have as they learn the boundaries of their mouth. And it takes solid resistive food to practice that.

It sounds like you're already well clued up but Solid Starts is an amazing resource with tonnes of free content on their website and on Instagram. They cover the importance of gagging vs. choking. I'm not sure that will be enough to convince your DM if she 'disagrees with the NHS' 😂 Its probably just generational. Mine doesn't get it either.

baddecisions11 · 08/05/2023 12:34

My baby is 8 months and he does the same, occasionally gags a lot then throws up. I've done my research and I believe it is necessary for their development, he's learning to move food in his mouth, learning how to bite/gum bits of food off, learning what size pieces are too big to swallow. I've read it's good for them to gag as it means their gag reflex is actually working as if it wasn't it would be easier for them to swallow a big bit and choke. He used to gag a lot more but it's rare now so he is definately learning how to eat. YANBU

Thelnebriati · 08/05/2023 12:45

YANBU but it can be frightening to see it happening, and I think you need to learn to be calm when it happens. You did the right thing trying to show your Mum its normal and to let it happen. It looks so much like choking (which can be fatal) its not surprising she was upset.

Dixiechickonhols · 08/05/2023 12:53

It sounds quite distressing to watch. Mine never came anywhere near to choking, I suspect your mum is from my era of spoon feeding and mashed food. It would have been seen as bad parenting to let a baby almost choke.
You’ve explained to mum that this is current advice and are carrying on.
I’d not make a big deal if it with mum. And if she is watching him not worry if she doesn’t feed exactly as you do.
Maybe both go on a paediatric first aid course.
Advice changes and by time you are a granny it may well have changed again.

VestaTilley · 08/05/2023 12:54

I don’t recall my DS gagging, and it’s not something I’d want to risk.

Dixiechickonhols · 08/05/2023 12:56

I’d also say that surely it’s better for to intervene too soon than too late, babies and small children have sadly died from choking on food.
It’s not her child and she’s bound to be extra careful.

Original poster
TheBerry · 08/05/2023 12:57

Thanks guys, we did already go on a first aid course with her.

I did try to show her some stuff online but she’ll only read one sentence and then just say stuff like she’s not going to change her mind.

I did try to push it and she’s got angry said I need to let it go, so I’ll just drop it now. Doesn’t matter if she just gives him purées when he’s with her I guess.

OP posts:
Teapottie · 08/05/2023 12:58

A baby's gag reflex is further forward in their mouths than ours, so it's partly they're learning and party because of biology effectively why they gag when weaning. It is important to recognise the difference between gagging and choking and personally I'd recommend everyone do a first aid course to build confidence (they're free here for all new parents not sure about in the UK though).

Dixiechickonhols · 08/05/2023 13:00

Unless she’s minding him full time and feeding him majority of his meals I’d just let her do her thing for the occasional meal.
When he’s at nursery or childminder he’ll be eating different food to what you give.

bunnypenny · 08/05/2023 13:00

The saying for gagging/choking and when to step in is:

noisy and red, let them go ahead.

quiet and blue, they need help from you.

MiniStormInATeacup · 08/05/2023 13:01

If you read the Gill (Jill?) Rapley bookd on BLW. She will agree that gagging is totally fine and a normal human reflex that protects babies from choking. Babies gag on food that passes a certain point in their mouth if they haven't properly chewed it and this protects them from choking - something about this being a reflex cave babies would have had as pureed food was unavailable ☺️.

Real choking is much quieter than gagging.

Your baby needs to learn to chew properly and believe me even at 8 months with little to no teeth he will chew his food better than you can imagine. I can remember my 7 month old really gnawing on a steak in a restaurant at this age much to the horror of my family.

Abergale · 08/05/2023 13:01

I understand it’s ok /normal but I understand why she worries! As long as she isn’t trying to tell you what to do it doesn’t really matter

MiniStormInATeacup · 08/05/2023 13:05

@Dixiechickonhols the problem I had with my mother and MIL was they were from the puree and spoo. feed generation and I was militantly BLW. When spoon feeding you by pass the gag reflex and don't teach a child where it is which was why I never did it. I also never put any good in babies mouth for them - they did it all by hand so they were in control (I was not happy to find MIL putting strawberries in the babies mouth)

This was my hill and I was prepared to die on it - other stuff didn't bother me and I don't judge how other people feed their children as such - just wanted my choices respected.

Brunilde · 08/05/2023 13:08

You're right that gagging is absolutely normal but just be aware of the risks of certain foods. Bread and toast were a big issue for as a DS would shove it all in his mouth a d it would clump. This can easily be a choking risk. If they gagged so much they vomited I'd be concerned that could have been choking. Both of mine gagged but only for a second and never threw up because of it.

Hugasauras · 08/05/2023 13:10

Gagging is totally normal. Babies have very sensitive gag reflexes and while they're getting used to food they will gag. Both of mine have gagged while weaning but have never choked. It doesn't sound or look very nice but it's totally normal.

Original poster
TheBerry · 08/05/2023 13:18

@Brunilde yes he shovels it in until it’s a big clump so maybe I need to stop letting him have so much at once.

I just feel so rattled and my confidence has gone because mum had such a strong reaction to it and we argued.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheBerry · 08/05/2023 13:20

I’ve told her I just want her to do her own research, rather than just basing her opinions on an emotional/visceral reaction, but she’s straight out said she’s not interested in doing that! Which I do find annoying. Same mindset as an antivaxxer or flat earther or something.

OP posts:
Curtains70 · 08/05/2023 13:23

TheBerry · 08/05/2023 13:18

@Brunilde yes he shovels it in until it’s a big clump so maybe I need to stop letting him have so much at once.

I just feel so rattled and my confidence has gone because mum had such a strong reaction to it and we argued.

Show her with some other food. Banana is a good one. Toast was always a problem for us because it goes into one big clump. My LO used to store it all in the roof of her mouth like a little hamster and just keep shoving it in!

Dixiechickonhols · 08/05/2023 13:56

MiniStormInATeacup · 08/05/2023 13:05

@Dixiechickonhols the problem I had with my mother and MIL was they were from the puree and spoo. feed generation and I was militantly BLW. When spoon feeding you by pass the gag reflex and don't teach a child where it is which was why I never did it. I also never put any good in babies mouth for them - they did it all by hand so they were in control (I was not happy to find MIL putting strawberries in the babies mouth)

This was my hill and I was prepared to die on it - other stuff didn't bother me and I don't judge how other people feed their children as such - just wanted my choices respected.

Like I said if her mum is minding baby when she works so potentially 15 out of 21 meals a week with grandma then yes it will need addressing and maybe a rethink of childcare.
But if it’s literally granny babysitting one a month or something then it’s not a big issue if granny does things differently.

MaisieDaisyMay · 08/05/2023 14:07

You're doing well. Keep reading to build your confidence! As a pp mentioned the Gill Rapley book is good. Gagging is important, it teaches them
so much. The book (from
memory, I think it was that one, but there's probably loads online now!) explains which foods are best and what size to cut different things -and why.

I'm 54, so possibly close to your mums age.

my mum lived overseas so that made life easier, she'd have hovered over the babies with the ambulance on speed dial trying to get me to purée everthing 🤣

Donyour research re cooked/uncooked foods & how to cut things for the best, no chocking. gagging fine!!

SparklyBlackKitten · 08/05/2023 14:10

Ditch the toast.