Just fed up of being told 'you're quiet/shy'

[Breakfastbaguette]

I'm at work, I don't usually work this shift but picked up extra. We're rushed off our feet and I am working with 2 ladies I barely know. If we're all sitting together I'll make some small talk etc.
However atm I'm running around and busy, I just want to get my work done.
I did say to them hi how are you, and smiled.
I just went In the office to get something and one went 'you're quiet and shy aren't you' the other went ' yeah, you are?'

I just said 'Oh am I? I didn't think I was '
They went ' yeah, you are'
I said, 'I just get on with my work really. I don't really know what else to say.'

One went 'there's nothing bad with it'. I said 'right ok' and walked off.

Obviously you do think it's odd/peculiar as why have to point it out? We're all different, I just want to do my work, I've got 35 sets of medication to hand out. I'll never be rude to anyone, but I'm at work.

Of course this isn't the first time I've had this but I'm just sick of it. It's the first time I've tried to stand up for myself. I'm just fed up with it. I get it's an extroverts' world and I can't suddenly transform into a very outgoing loud person.
I've accepted I don't have many friends and that's fine. Just leave me alone because every time you point it out, especially in front of others I just feel like shit, like I do now.

I think you can tell the difference between someone who's quiet and someone who's quiet etc. They'll single you out as opposed to being quiet across the board

Oops didn't mean to put quiet twice.

I've had comments like that over the years and have thought a lot about HOW people socialise. I realise I just don't like socialising in large groups. I've always been that way really. I've got a naturally quiet voice and just can't be heard amongst the loud ones in a large group conversation. I much prefer one on one, or a group of 3-4 max. THe conversations get much more deep and interesting that way, otherwise it's just surface chitchat really isn't it, small talk as you say, OP, and a competition to see who can be the funniest or whatever. I find that the group dynamic means that people put on more of a persona and they just talk over each other shouting across the room in eg a staffroom etc. It's really annoying and can actually get quite boring after a while but I guess they wouldn't see it that way. Get them on their own and they are totally different - even the loud annoying, show-offy types then are often quite likeable and much more interesting than their group persona. But then they probably are feeling they've had to "dampen down" the way they interact to suit me, just the same as I have to "rev up" to interact with large groups. They probably feel as exhausted and out their comfort zone doing that as I do dealing with large groups.

I think the extroverts are just unnerved by the introverts a bit because they're quite hard to read, and this is why they comment. I do find it weird because I never would say "you're quite loud and chatty, aren't you? Perhaps you could be a bit quieter?"

But at the age of 50, I've just accepted that we're all different personalities. There are no more extroverted people than there are introverts. In a work situation everybody has a work persona and are "on show" so it looks like there are more extroverts as the introverts are usually ABLE do the group small talk as you've been doing, but in reality the introverts are then often going off and having the deeper more interesting conversations separately one on one with the people that they click with more.

I really wouldn't get upset about comments like that at all. It used to bother me when I was a self-conscious youngster for some reason. What I would say is to have a couple of casual answers ready so that you're not wrong-footed. eg when they say "you're quiet, aren't you?" Just say "Suppose I am to some people, really. My friends and family wouldn't say so, I don't think. It would be a boring world if we were all the same, though, wouldn't it?" And just carry on with whatever task you're doing.

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Not sure I understand your last post OP? It might be to do with how you look, body language and facial expression as well as just being quiet. I think you can “look” shy.

I was rushed off my feet and wasn't really thinking about these people or how I come across. I was busy concentrating.

Then just say something about "Oh do you reckon? I find I can't do chitchat at the same as sorting medication otherwise half the patients will end up high as kites ha ha". Just make a jokey throwaway comment like that, brush it off and carry on.

I've had that before. "Oh, you're shy/quiet, aren't you?" I just say "no, not in the slightest".
If they don't have the brains to work out that me not talking to them much does not say anything at all about my personality, its just one more reason to not talk to them much.

I understand how you feel OP.
I've been called quiet and shy all my life. Not kind, caring and thoughtful like the qualities I know I have. Just quiet and shy. Drives me mad as nobody ever says to louder people 'Why are you so loud ?' so why it is only us that has to defend our personalities ?
I used to be sporty and worked in a gym at one point. I picked up a basketball and threw it through the net, overhead. My colleague said 'Omg. I can't believe you just did that. You're so quiet, I thought you would do something pathetic but that was powerful. ' Another time (different colleague ) 'Wow. You can really run. You're so quiet I thought otherwise.'
Also people have expressed surprise that I enjoyed the Desperate Housewife ' series all because I am quiet.
People can be exceptionally patronising and downright odd.
I know it's hard but please don't take it to heart. They are in no way better than you because they are louder. Don't ever think that.
Also, as others have said, thank you for doing your job and attending to the clients needs. Sounds like your colleagues need to take a leaf out of your book.

I am very quiet and also shy. I get the same comments as you OP,
I smile and agree, I am not lacking in self confidence so sometimes throw in a “When I do talk though it’s worth listening to”

There are some people that are just complete idiots. What has personality got to do with the ability to throw or run!!!! I am not really considered quiet or shy but I am quite small, people have said I didn't expect you to be chatty as you are so small or you have a lot to say for someone so small!! I just think some people should just shut the feck up and keep these stupid thoughts to themselves. The phrase 'silence is golden' was clearly coined about them.

It's bordering on bullying OP. They are picking on you and belittling you. How hurtful. I've encountered similar gems - ' ah, don't talk to her she's quiet', 'what's wrong with you, why'd you have nothing to say?', 'you're so quiet, are you depressed?' ( funnily enough they were spot on with that, 6 months of being insulted on a daily basis will do that to you). I tried to rise above it and get my head down but in the end I was a shell of a person and had to leave. Fwiw, I wasn't this non verbal, bland personality they wanted to make me out to be - I made small talk, joined in, took interest in others lives, but for them it wasn't enough. Yes I'm an introvert and it takes a great deal of bravery for me to speak up, it doesn't come naturally, but despite my efforts, I was torn apart for being this way. I only wish they'd understand the damage that can be inflicted by bullying. It destroys people's lives! Looking back, the only way to deal with people like this is to stand up to them. So, if they start on you again with the quiet nonsense - shoot back a question - ' oh that's interesting, why'd you think that?', 'really, and do you think being quiet is a bad thing?'etc etc. Shine a light on it OP. And if all else fails, get HR involved. Because no one should have to deal with being made to feel uncomfortable in the workplace.

It's annoying but there is nothing wrong with being quiet... it's way better than being a bore who never shuts up!

It was really rude of them to say that to you, but they will never be able to see it.

Well that, rather than your original post, suggests an unusual level of sensitivity. I don’t think it says anything at all about introversion, which is routinely misunderstood on here.

You will not necessarily know an introvert from an extrovert socially — the difference is not shyness/quietness vs loudness/sociability, but in whether you recharge alone or in company. I’m socially confident, and my job involves public speaking to hundreds of students every day, but I am in fact a sociable introvert. I love being around people, but need a lot of alone time to balance it.

I wouldn’t give a second thought to the opinions of two strangers, though I’d be amused by the crassness that meant they thought they needed to tell you it, but I would be asking myself questions about why you’re so crushed by this encounter. I mean, does the opinion of two people matter? Would it be a bad thing if they were correct and you are, in fact, shy and quiet?

Oh, sweetheart, don't let them get to you like that. Sounds like they have very little to say of actual interest and merit, so they're resorting to making brainless, mean comments to fill the silence and to make you look small and themselves better.

Also, don't you ever get the idea that you should ever try to change; I'm naturally very shy and quiet, but years of being bullied or left out because I'd often be happier getting on with my own things and keeping to my own thoughts (and often have genuinely no idea what to say to other people) I DID make an effort to change, and now I'm socially awkward and find it hard to establish relationships with others (beyond with my students, I'm weirdly very good at that).

A small number of truly good friends are worth far more than dozens of friends who are really only acquaintances.

I'm not sure 'it's an extroverts world'. To use the gender analogy I'd say most of us are non binary or vert-fluid! I'd say it's likely you sit very much at one end of the spectrum. People will always point out differences, so Oh wow, how tall are you?to Where are you from? It's annoying. I can understand you being irritated, I'm unsure why you 'feel like shit' though.
I'm female and I used to work on construction sites. Inevitably people would comment on my gender, either directly or indirectly. I rehearsed a few responses so they were always ready to go. I also have an unusual name. Inevitably I get asked where its from. I now say it was a birthday present from my parents. I mentally lump it together with daft questions such as telling someone you're off on your holidays next week and they ask Oh, anywhere nice? It's them, not you

Slight aside here but shyness and introversion are not the same thing. I'm quite a shy extrovert but I don't let my shyness hold me back.

Agree you need to change your response. I've had this and used to laugh it off with, 'Oh I know. And it's always the quiet ones you've got to watch isn't it?' or something similar. End of convo.

It's just rude OP but for some reason people seem to think it's acceptable to comment on people being shy/quiet when saying someone is loud/chatty is seen as rude.

Saying someone is shy can be a way of belittling them and actually for a shy unconfident person is actually very cruel (not saying this applies to you OP).

As for the PP saying maybe you "look shy", WTF?

The cheek of it! I really can't believe there's people in this world that think it's acceptable to comment on someone's personality like that. And it seems bitchy both of them saying it together.

You be exactly who you are and don't give two hoots what they think.

Next time clap back with "I'd rather be shy than a dickhead".

They're both in their 60s, if they were very young I'd maybe excuse it as immaturity.

I’m the same and I’m late 40s. As part of growing older, things like this doesn’t bother me anymore. It’s who I am and I can’t be an extrovert and be best friends with everyone.

Fucking boomers

I wish I could tell the noisy talkative busybodies how noisy, talkative, and sometimes headache-inducing they are, but that would be rude.

But they can go around telling people "oh you're so quiet and shy" and they have no idea they're being rude to comment on a person's personality.

So, I totally get it.

Now if I could just get people to stop asking my plans for the weekend......when all I want to do is be home, not working, and relax, and don't have some huge party or camp trip or other "social" event to report back about. Which if I don't have "plans" makes me a boring and pathetic person in their eyes. You want to know my "plans for the weekend"? OK, my plan is to not work, go grocery shopping, and sip coffee and quietly enjoy my time off. That good enough plans for you?

Yes, I'm tired of being judged for my personality and tired of extroverts feeling they are allowed to comment on it, whereas if we did so, they'd think us very rude.

Definitely

I spend all week talking to people, sometimes in excess of 200 phone calls a day
Then people wonder why I want to spend my weekend at home, in silence and not opening my mouth
Feels like I've been "on" all week and at a weekend I want to clean, cook, food shop, exercise and catch up on stuff so I'm ready for work

Totally get this @Ihavehadenoughalready . Weekends are for chilling out and not having to deal with people. I hate the expectation that we should all be out and socialising. Can't think of anything worse. There's nothing wrong with that either but many think there is which is where the problem lies.
Once a colleague wanted me to go to her party. I didn't fancy it as I didn't particularly like her or the people going and she was all like 'Oh come on PinkRiceKrispies, what else would you be doing?' So rude and uncalled for. Looking back I think what I lacked in my younger years and still do now, is the ability to tell people to fuck off.