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Original poster

Ex claiming regret but back on line and messaged me anonymously

36 replies

blueberryhills · 08/05/2023 09:59

My ex and I broke up in the winter . Together over two years. Lives apart and we're on our late forties.
We broke up because we had a very traumatic experience and our relationship changed utterly. I ended up as his carer rather than a partner and he simply gave up on life . I then got sick but he was nowhere to be seen when I needed support and he was in a position to give it , practically.
I get sad about that from time to time despite me finishing it.
He was devastated and tried every trick on the book to get me back.
I dont want him back but he messaged me again recently about a separate issue and when I asked him if he was seeing anyone or looking, he said and emphatic no. Biggest regret of his life etc etc .

Fast forward to an hour later.. I am on tinder having a nosy .
Up he pops .
I got a shock and swiped right by accident.
Next moment, I get a message saying hello.
It is not my real name and there are no photos.
I nearly died .
So is he full of shit or Just really lonely and hedging his bets .

OP posts:
Original poster
blueberryhills · 08/05/2023 10:17

Shameless bump...
Any thoughts here please

OP posts:
RelaxingClassics · 08/05/2023 10:21

If you don't want him back why are you asking him questions about his romantic/sex life? There is absolutely no reason why he shouldn't be on tinder. You aren't together any more. It can be true that he regrets the end of your relationship whilst also being true that now the relationship has ended he is looking elsewhere. Why are you angry?

wizzywig · 08/05/2023 10:23

I'd be having a little bit of fun at his expense op. But that's just me

Original poster
blueberryhills · 08/05/2023 10:25

Angry ? Why would you think I was
Angry ?
I'm not interested in returning to the relationship.
I just want to know if you think he's lying about his regrets or just lonely.

OP posts:
Erex · 08/05/2023 10:31

Why does it matter if he's lying or not? Whether he regrets his actions it has no bearing whatsoever on the future. Your relationship is over, best for you both to move on. Even if he does regret something, he's obviously aware your relationship is over so is looking elsewhere, which seems like a good idea.
The previous suggestion of having fun with it is cruel, he's trying to move on, what good would it do OP to be the one messing with an ex instead of focusing on her own life?

RelaxingClassics · 08/05/2023 10:31

I think he could have regrets and wish the relationship had gone differently AND be lonely and want to have sex with someone.

If you're not angry, why do you care?

Original poster
blueberryhills · 08/05/2023 10:33

My question is whether you think he is full of shit or lying. That's it really.

OP posts:
wizzywig · 08/05/2023 10:34

He is full of shit and lying

ArcticSkewer · 08/05/2023 10:35

People! I want to say 'men' but ...

He probably genuinely means it about the biggest regret etc but simultaneously is dating on tinder. Few people really do just pine away when the love of their life leaves. They still date, even if they wish they could be with someone else.

I'm sorry it was a difficult time for you both. It was only a 2 year relationship. Without the traumatic event things may have ended a normal way but now it is romanticised.

Annoyingwurringnoise · 08/05/2023 10:37

He’s a bloke, he’s got a dick and he wants to stick it in someone, anyone by the looks of it considering he’s messaged somebody who doesn’t even have pictures up. That is all you need to know.

Forget about him and move on with your life.

Astrak · 08/05/2023 10:37

OP, why are you bothered? You split up. Get over yourself and stop being childish.

BusyMum47 · 08/05/2023 10:37

RelaxingClassics · 08/05/2023 10:21

If you don't want him back why are you asking him questions about his romantic/sex life? There is absolutely no reason why he shouldn't be on tinder. You aren't together any more. It can be true that he regrets the end of your relationship whilst also being true that now the relationship has ended he is looking elsewhere. Why are you angry?

This. ⬆️ I don't get why you care if you don't want him back?

iliveinhappyvalley · 08/05/2023 10:39

This happened to me and I played along with it. He really showed his true colours in his messages. Was it wrong of me? Yes but it allowed me to move on with no regrets.

IrregularChoiceFan · 08/05/2023 10:39

Why are you on Tinder with the wrong name and no photos? Are you trying to catfish your ex?

RelaxingClassics · 08/05/2023 10:44

Ok so if fifty people come on here and say "he's full of shit" and fifty people come on here and say "he probably isn't lying but fancies some sex" - what next? Why do you care what a bunch of people who can't possible give you a definitive answer think about this? It's much much more important what YOU think, why you care and how you can move on happily.

Daleksatemyshed · 08/05/2023 10:49

Doesn't matter if he's being a dick or not Op. When he needed you, you stepped up, but when you needed him he let you down, that's all you need to know. You're maybe thinking he really is sorry and you'd try again? Just remember, the crisis let you find out something important about him, you could try again but that will always be there. Words are cheap, it's easy to say sorry

Annoyingwurringnoise · 08/05/2023 10:49

Playing games with your ex is one of those things where you can’t do it unless you’re completely over them otherwise you’ll really mess yourself up, but if you’re completely over them it would be a total waste of time and wouldn’t even cross your mind.

hence, anybody who plays games on Tinder or whatever with their ex is not over them at all, and no amount of protestations or deluding oneself will convince anybody that they are.

ittakes2 · 08/05/2023 10:51

You broke up with him and don't want him back why would he not be on tinder? He can still have regrets and still love you - but if you have rejected him its Ok for him to look for an other.

UnbeIievabIe · 08/05/2023 10:51

So are you wanting him to close off all other avenues to show he's telling the truth when you don't want him anyway. It doesn't mean he's lying at all, it just means he's moving on with his life as you've made it clear you don't want him.

ItsBritneyBitchhhh · 08/05/2023 10:51

IrregularChoiceFan · 08/05/2023 10:39

Why are you on Tinder with the wrong name and no photos? Are you trying to catfish your ex?

This is a question that needs answering!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 08/05/2023 10:56

He doesn't think it's you - he'd already taken a punt on you falling for the 'You realising I didn't give a shit about you once you'd served your purpose and I didn't need you anymore is the biggest regret of my life' bollocks and it hadn't worked. So back to Tinder he went.

mainsfed · 08/05/2023 10:58

blueberryhills · 08/05/2023 10:33

My question is whether you think he is full of shit or lying. That's it really.

Yes, he is full of shit AND lying.

This is a man who used you as a carer and then offered no support when you needed his help.

Block and delete him EVERYWHERE.

mainsfed · 08/05/2023 10:58

ItsBritneyBitchhhh · 08/05/2023 10:51

This is a question that needs answering!

Show quote history

It really doesn’t.

Spottedsox · 08/05/2023 11:02

Think about if you were to remove him off Tinder and delete his phone number. No contact
How would that feel?
Only you know what is best for you, and it is natural for a man to go have a look elsewhere or have fun
Lying or not he is trying it on with you for some reason...you looked after him.
Move on I would say.
Or return to what or for what?

PermanentTemporary · 08/05/2023 11:02

I think he has mixed feelings and mixed motives. Like every single person in the world ever including you.

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