Am I now "that" parent?

[Reservoir13]

Last weekend my 11 daughter participated in a gymnastics competition. In her age group, there is only one other -12 year team mate competing. The rest of the girls came from different clubs. This was the fourth competition this year, at the 3 previous meetings she obtained 3 stars (ie. the highest level in this type of competition, with 1 being the lowest).
She was so happy to be there and she had a great day. All her exercises went well and I was convinced that she would have a 3 star result again. Her team mate did not have a good day: she fell off the bars and the 3x off high beam. Normally they are quite closely matched, and sometimes I can see the other girl is better, but today (i know I'm not objective but i am trying) it was the other way around.
You can see where this is going: my girl received a 2 star result and the other girl the 3 stars. I could see my daughter trying to keep her smile up but in the car on the way home she cried her eyes out. We talked to the trainer afterwards, who was also non-plussed and vaguely promised to check the score card.
At home, for two days, my girl was upset. I can see 3 possibilities: Either her execution of the exercises was so bad that regardless of the fact that she did all required exercises her score came low. Or the jury was asleep, or her coach held up the wrong number while she was doing her exercise (namely that of her team mate). The last option is not entirely remote as my daughter caught her holding up the wrong sign at the last exercise.
So, here is where I may be unreasonable: This morning, I couldn't stop myself and have emailed the organisation to ask whether perhaps a mistake was made.
I fear that if it is a case of mistaken identity due to the fact that the coach held up the wrong number, it may be that the coach will not admit to it. I'm not sure the organisation will reply as it was a general info email. Was I terribly unreasonable? Is this just something you have to accept in a jury-sport?

I never said it was character building @shammalammadingdong

But competing in gymnastics requires focus and a positive mindset, both of which are undermined by worrying if the judging process is fair. This is simply a distraction from enjoying taking part.

And a gymnast must trust their coach; it’s a dangerous sport so if they lose that trust, it will be much harder to learn new skills because they will be second guessing them.

as pps said it’s okay as a parent to ask the coach to explain what a gymnast could have done better. But the best thing for gymnastics development is for a parent to congratulate their child on their efforts - and encourage them to refocus back on their training and on their enjoyment of the sport.

It's not a distraction at all. A positive mindset does not mean blindly assuming noone ever makes mistakes or gets things wrong or is unfair.

You can do all that encouragement and positivity as well, of course you should be doing that. But your point was to lie to child and tall them they are not allowed to think obviously true thoughts, which does nothing but undermine your child and make you look like an idiot!

I would be asking questions too.

Me too. Nothing wrong in checking, and if there was a mistake and people were sloppy with making sure they got the correct girl, then good that it is challenged.

Just to come back: I've asked the trainer after the last lesson and she had not reviewed the score cards yet. As I suspected, she didn't see it as a big deal as 'the jury was very strict' apparently. I saw no other option than to mention that the oddity is in her getting 2 stars and the teammate 3 - and yes, she found that odd too. But nothing concrete yet. I don't know whether she'll really look into it as they're busy preparing for a show. So all in all rather frustrating still.

If a mistake has been made it should be rectified. Regardless of whether the mistake matters in the scheme of things, we are all entitled to have our efforts judged with accuracy.
If there been no error, then obviously your DD will have to view it as a life lesson, that we can't win everything; but such lessons shouldn't happen based on error.
It's also a life lesson that we can be assertive enough to (politely) question feedback we don't understand. I'm assuming that a great deal of time and not a small amount of money goes into your DDs participation in these events, so I think its reasonable to expect some feedback beyond a number.

Gymnastics mum here.

Firstly, gymnastics absolutely humbles you. It can feel awful at times.

Ive seen mistakes happen, they are generally rare BUT the coach should be absolutely proactive in getting to the bottom of it so i would really push the coach.

Did you film your daughter, perhaps the coach can review that and should be speaking to the judges.

Whilst it may not have been an "important" competition as some other posters have said thats actually irrelevant, some of these girls train 16 hours a week and maybe do 4 comps a year, they work hard and deserve the respect of the judges and the coach of getting accurate scores.

Keep pushing OP!!

My friend's son was participating in a time trial to qualify for heats. Everyone has a race number to keep track.
The way they work is that it is a staggered start with athletes setting off with a gap and then racing the course. Her son started behind another athlete and overtook him so clearly faster but the other was given the faster time and her son missed out.
Her son is now about 30 and this happened at school and it still annoys her!

Even sports that are timed versus judged have errors and it can be frustrating, unfair and hard to take.

I am not sure much, if anything, will be gained by continuing to query this.
It's over and it feels awful but I'd think moving on would be the healthiest option.
I don't think you'll ever get a resolution that you're happy with-you can't turn back the clock and change it so I think i'd let it go.

Do you teach your children to just lie down and be a doormat at all times? Have you never questioned anything in your life?

Of course 'life' is not fair, but processes in society should be just. Societies have long had systems, appeals processes, rights of reply to enable people to challenge where things are unjust.

I absolutely would raise it. Yes, it's importance to teach resilience and for children to learn that they don't always 'win' in life. But at work, if I did a project and I didn't feel my contribution was recognised and I was marked poorly in performance, while a colleague who didn't contribute was given all the praise, yes, I would raise it with my line manager or the department. It's about learning skills for advocating for yourself and your accomplishments. If her performance wasn't scored as highly as you/she/coach thought it should be, it would be helpful to know why to make improvements in the future, if nothing else.

Hopefully it will be a case of the coach holding up the wrong number in the previous exercises which your daughter will then understand it was nothing to do with her performance. Something to definitely look out for in the future! When the results come back it should clarify this but I don't know how they would change scores? It's a long time since I was part of the circuit.

Did you ever find out OP?