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Original poster

Husband and his sisters!

35 replies

Mum1135 · 08/05/2023 08:44

bith Have never made any effort with me or our kids. I used to send birthday cards to his sisters and the kids every year then I stopped, when I had a girl they made do many sexist remarks of how unlucky I was (culturally boys preferred). They also as I made horrible comments if we were back in our home country we could easily have gotten “rid” of our daughter without any issues! That is just the top of the iceberg. They have made so many other hurtful comments. DH btw always remained silent and MIL refused her daughters would say that and called me a liar (DH could have backed me up as he was there but his response was “why do u always want to be right? Ignore it we know the truth).

After 7 years of this I completely stopped talking to them. Funny thing is the incident that led to to me stop talking was on my sons birthday they completely ignored me and my kids and that’s the moment I thought “fuck it” I haven’t spoken to them for 4 years now. This has caused conflict with DH and myself. I refuse up have them at kids parties as they make remarks and bitch about people.

we moved into our new home and DH has said I’m not allowed any family or friends (not that I have any due to the depression these bastard have caused me) to come over unless his sisters visit first. On my birthday my sisters and I met up in a Restarant and he stormed off saying “you would never sit around chatting with my sisters would you?”. I feel like I’m living in a demented world, has he not seen what they did to me and my kids?

how to move past this and live my life? He won’t let me be happy till I make up with his sisters. My family will never see our new home till he lets them and his condition is I make up with them. Please no LTB If it was that easy I found have already and not posted here!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mum1135 · 08/05/2023 08:46

Sorry for typos. I’ve told him he can invite them next week. I’m thinking of just saying hi. No bloody hugging at all I can’t handle that. Then I just leave food on table and leave them to it? Keep popping in every so often to ask if they need anything, what shall I do?

OP posts:
Whataninsight · 08/05/2023 08:47

Where to start?!

No idea. So I won’t

MissyB1 · 08/05/2023 08:48

He hasn’t got your back. He also doesn’t have his kids backs if he’s happy to let his family speak like that about them. I would tell him to shut the fuck up about his sisters or the marriage will be over. And he doesn’t get to dictate to you about meeting up with your family, he can meet his on his own and you see yours whenever you like.
Personally I would be making plans to leave.

Original poster
Mum1135 · 08/05/2023 08:50

Sorry here is my post without the typos:

Both have never made any effort with me or our kids. I used to send birthday cards to his sisters and the kids every year then I stopped, when I had a girl they made so many sexist remarks of how unlucky I was (culturally boys preferred). They also made horrible comments if we were back in our home country we could easily have gotten “rid” of our daughter without any issues!

That is just the tip of the iceberg. They have made so many other hurtful comments. DH btw always remained silent and MIL refused her daughters would say that and called me a liar (DH could have backed me up as he was there but his response was “why do u always want to be right? Ignore it we know the truth”).

After 7 years of this I completely stopped talking to them. Funny thing is the incident that led to to me stop talking was on my sons birthday they completely ignored me and my kids and that’s the moment I thought “fuck it” I haven’t spoken to them for 4 years now. This has caused conflict with DH and myself. I refuse to have them at our kids parties as they make remarks and bitch about people.

we moved into our new home and DH has said I’m not allowed any family or friends (not that I have any due to the depression these bastard have caused me) to come over unless his sisters visit first. On my birthday my sisters and I met up in a Restarant and he stormed off saying “you would never sit around chatting with my sisters would you?”. I feel like I’m living in a demented world, has he not seen what they did to me and my kids?

how to move past this and live my life? He won’t let me be happy till I make up with his sisters. My family will never see our new home till he lets them and his condition is I make up with them. Please no LTB If it was that easy I found have already and not posted here!

OP posts:
Sapphire387 · 08/05/2023 08:51

So you... want to leave him but feel you can't?

On a practical level, I would invite my friends and family over. When his sisters are invited over, I would go out and avoid them.

AwaaFaeHom · 08/05/2023 08:52

Do you want to 'LTB'? It sounds like you do.

If they said anything again about your daughter, I would be so tempted to say 'do you wish your parents had done that? I know I do'...

JMSA · 08/05/2023 08:52

Your husband is an abusive bastard.
Sorry OP Flowers

Original poster
Mum1135 · 08/05/2023 08:52

@MissyB1 ive tried that for 4 years. It hasn’t worked. He’s a soft and spineless man. Fortunately he earns lots of money that’s why I’m still here. My plan is to work on myself (I had a traumatic and abusive childhood with both physical and sexual abuse). I’m not well enough to make such a big change. I’m thinking just to keep the peace I’ll make up with them but not be as nice as I used to s d challenge everything they say rather than stew about it,

OP posts:
Pineapplestropical · 08/05/2023 08:52

It sounds like a nasty situation. Stand your ground and explain to your
husband that you don't want anything to do with them because of the effect they have on your mental health. He sounds like a big baby. Does he not care about your feelings? And you as a person? How ludicrous to say no one else can come to the house, is it his house? Did u contribute financially? The
relationship sounds messed up to some extent. The sisters sound vile. If he wants them to come let them and u head out with the kids after a brief hello.

RedHelenB · 08/05/2023 08:53

What would he actually do if your family cane round?

toomuchlaundry · 08/05/2023 08:56

I wouldn’t be making any food then, if DH wants them round he hosts

Original poster
Mum1135 · 08/05/2023 08:57

What would he actually do if your family cane round?

whst he did before when they came to the old house when I was 8 months pregnant to help me - he slammed the doors, told them to fuck off then ran off in the car and didn’t return till he was sure they were gone. It was really embarrassing. He does that a lot he runs away. His family doesn’t celebrate Christmas but still insist we spend it with them (MIL AND FIL) but I made sure 4 years ago we alternate it. Last one was with my sisters and he kept trying to run off whilst severely drunk. My brother in law had to hold him down.

OP posts:
JMSA · 08/05/2023 08:58

Ok, I think you're looking for practical solutions. I would invite them round for coffee and cake for one hour (it honestly requires a time limit), and then say that you need to attend an appointment. It doesn't matter if they believe you or not, but I would probably tell them about the 'appointment' in advance.
The problem is, this visit won't be a one-off occasion. Presumably your husband is going to expect you to keep doing it? If they're obnoxious, just say that he has to host their future visits, while you go out.
Finally, do you think his sisters would be more bearable if they visited individually? You could try that. They sound like bitchy teenagers who behave badly when they have an audience.

JMSA · 08/05/2023 09:00

Mum1135 · 08/05/2023 08:57

What would he actually do if your family cane round?

whst he did before when they came to the old house when I was 8 months pregnant to help me - he slammed the doors, told them to fuck off then ran off in the car and didn’t return till he was sure they were gone. It was really embarrassing. He does that a lot he runs away. His family doesn’t celebrate Christmas but still insist we spend it with them (MIL AND FIL) but I made sure 4 years ago we alternate it. Last one was with my sisters and he kept trying to run off whilst severely drunk. My brother in law had to hold him down.

What the actual hell?! ConfusedShock

CwmYoy · 08/05/2023 09:01

There is no future for you and your children with this cunt.

Gather your courage and do the right thing. Leave him.

MintyBinty · 08/05/2023 09:02

Please leave this man, he sounds absolutely awful.

MissyB1 · 08/05/2023 09:03

CwmYoy · 08/05/2023 09:01

There is no future for you and your children with this cunt.

Gather your courage and do the right thing. Leave him.

It’s this I’m afraid. The marriage is dead and he’s controlling (and quite frankly unstable by the sounds of it). The sooner you and the kids get out the better.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 08/05/2023 09:06

LTB.

Curtain1980 · 08/05/2023 09:07

Goodness me OP there is a lot wrong here, a lot! Not sure if you see that? I think it’s worth you finding a therapist of the same cultural background. If you’re South Asian there is a directory and I’ll post it on here, so many unhealthy or lack of boundaries here. So much toxicity to unpick,

https://southasiantherapists.org/

South Asian Therapist | Mental Health Therapist and Counselling

South Asian Therapist is a mental health therapy and counselling directory network. Find an Asian therapist near you.

https://southasiantherapists.org/

TizerorFizz · 08/05/2023 09:08

@Mum1135
What do your parents think? Do they care about your situation? Can they help?

Essentially, you are being abused. I don’t think you can change your husband. So I think you need to try and work out what to do now. I fully understand staying because he’s paying for you and your family but you have to work out if this is worth it overall. Would you be happier without him? Could you live with your parents? Did they arrange this marriage?

PaintingTheSky · 08/05/2023 09:08

There would be no amount of money in the world would make me stay with him.
As for speaking to my family like that, or dictating who could and couldn't visit my home, well ...that would definitely have ended my marriage on the spot.
There is only you who can decide if the money is enough to continue being abused op.

SparklyBlackKitten · 08/05/2023 09:11

Uh..
Leave this son of a bitch already

He is the issue
Not his sisters or his mum
He is.

Protect you kids!!

newnamethanks · 08/05/2023 09:14

Invite his sisters. Invite your own sisters to visit at the same time. Leave them to it.

Offthexmaslist · 08/05/2023 09:16

Your MH and inner strength will multiply ten times over with this arse out of your life.

You sound like you perhaps come from an ethnic minority background -
Asian ? (comment about aborting female foetuses)

Have you looked up female support charities that would understand your cultural background and the specific difficulties you feel are in the way of you leaving this awful marriage ?

How aware are you of your legal rights ? You refer to him as DH so am assuming you are legally married not just religiously ? If so, then you have a legal interest in the property regardless of being on the deeds. A woman's rights charity can help you to leave and hold your hand whilst you leave and guide you through a divorce , financial settlement and child maintenance.

If you would like me to help you find such an organisation, then please DM me.

NettleTea · 08/05/2023 09:16

wouldnt your family help you leave?