Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say this IS "catcalling"- unwanted sexual harassment on the street.

84 replies

Booblessbeauty · 08/05/2023 00:06

I have cancer, I am bald and I can't wear anything to cover my head, due to bone pain in my skull. I have had both breasts removed, and I have swollen hands and feet. I wear men's slippers, and am hunched over.

I go out to the shops and do my own shopping. I was nervous at first, going out bald, but beyond one or two comments from school girls, there was no problem. I spoke to the girls involved and explained about cancer and chemotherapy, and they were apologetic.

In recent days, I have had aggro from a group of young teen boys in my cul-de-sac. They throw rubbish at me ( nothing damaging) and shout abuse such as "o you are soooo sexy" and " hold me back! I can't resist! I might have to rape her"

I contacted the police online today, as I needed to go shopping but was too intimidated, and felt too vulnerable to go out. I described this as "cat calling". The policeman who rang up said this is not "cat calling", because "cat calling" is when attractive people are shouted at on the street.

I think this is "cat calling" and that "cat calling" or any unwanted sexual harassment has nothing what so ever to do with attraction, and is entirely to do with power and humiliation. I also think the police should know that.

OP posts:
JMSA · 08/05/2023 00:31

SandraDeee · 08/05/2023 00:29

I’m a police officer. I also wouldn’t call it cat-calling, the same as the officer who called you back.

Calling this, or any other kind of unwanted and personal comments ‘cat-calling’ somehow diminishes the behaviour and often comes with the previously common-place expectation that ‘it’s just a bit of fun’ or it’s flattering’.

So I would have called it what it was. A crime of harassment.

Yes, I see what you mean. So much more serious and damaging than catcalling.

Boomboom22 · 08/05/2023 00:31

Also when you call the police remind them cancer is protected characteristic under disability. That will help and is also true.

Original poster
Booblessbeauty · 08/05/2023 00:34

SandraDeee · 08/05/2023 00:29

I’m a police officer. I also wouldn’t call it cat-calling, the same as the officer who called you back.

Calling this, or any other kind of unwanted and personal comments ‘cat-calling’ somehow diminishes the behaviour and often comes with the previously common-place expectation that ‘it’s just a bit of fun’ or it’s flattering’.

So I would have called it what it was. A crime of harassment.

Yes, thank you. I will call it harassment when I rang back. The person I spoke to wasn't saying cat- calling is the wrong name because it is more serious than that though. He was saying I wasn't being seriously harassed because sexual harassment happens to attractive people, so I don't have to worry about it.

OP posts:
StrawBeretMoose · 08/05/2023 00:34

It's absolutely vile abusive behaviour and the police should be investigating it.
I don't know the best legal way to describe it but if an officer is waiting on the right buzz word before doing anything they honestly need further training at best.
I wouldn't blame you for not having the strength but if you can muster any please make a complaint. Maybe there is a police liaison or advocacy service in your area. Local to me something similar was treated as hate crime but the victims were 'visibly disabled'.

Sorry that this has happened to you.

Canyousewcushions · 08/05/2023 00:36

purpleme12 · 08/05/2023 00:12

Yes this is what I'd call it actually. Harrassment. Intimidation. Not catcalling.

Show quote history

Yes, this.

JMSA · 08/05/2023 00:36

Is anyone else's blood absolutely boiling?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 08/05/2023 00:36

I am so sorry that you are being subjected to this and that the police are quibbling over the name you have used to describe the harassment and intimidation. This College of Policing link about cat-calling and relevant offences in legal terms may be helpful:

https://www.college.police.uk/guidance/violence-against-women-and-girls-toolkit/street-harassment

Street harassment | College of Policing

Offences that may cover different forms of street harassment and preventative strategies for each behaviour

https://www.college.police.uk/guidance/violence-against-women-and-girls-toolkit/street-harassment

Pinball2023 · 08/05/2023 00:37

It's worse than cat calling in my opinion. I also think it's rude of the police officer to label you as "unattractive"..... Also cat calling happens to any woman, attractive or not. Sorry you've had to put up with this.

Aerin1999 · 08/05/2023 00:37

JMSA · 08/05/2023 00:36

Is anyone else's blood absolutely boiling?

Yes!!! I want to send a hit team around!

Motnight · 08/05/2023 00:38

Bloody hell. This is awful. Op I am so sorry that you are going through both the harassment and the ignorance of the police.

JudgeRudy · 08/05/2023 00:39

I wouldn't class it as cat calling or sexual harassment. I'm guessing the sexual references were made in a sarcastic way. I don't think you felt sexually threatened.
I would class it as harassment though as it is likely to cause fear harm or distress.....and unacceptable! Other than question/debate your choice of words what did the police do?

I bet when you recievec your diagnosis of cancer you never dreamt this would be your biggest battle. It really baffles me what goes through people's heads when they behave this way.

Thebestwaytoscareatory · 08/05/2023 00:39

The policeman you spoke to is utter scum.

Unfortunately, this is not uncommon with them now, they are every bit as vile (and in a lot of cases worse) as the criminals they claim to go after these days.

Personally, I wouldn't suggest complaining again as you'll get zero support from them. They only thing they care about is protecting their own and their image, so unless you can frame it in a way that will make them look bad it is pointless. Even then, you're asking for trouble as they won't forget or forgive someone who questions them, and will likely make your life hell for complaining.

So sorry you have to deal with this OP.

JMSA · 08/05/2023 00:41

@Aerin1999

Same! I'll organise it from my native Glasgow. The wee shites won't know what's hit them!

Aerin1999 · 08/05/2023 00:41

JMSA · 08/05/2023 00:41

@Aerin1999

Same! I'll organise it from my native Glasgow. The wee shites won't know what's hit them!

I’ll pay cash!

QueenBitch666 · 08/05/2023 00:42

Its sexual harassment.

Sending a big hug to you Flowers

Pinball2023 · 08/05/2023 00:42

@JudgeRudy But mentioning rape etc, why wouldn't she feel threatened, rape is about power, not about people's looks.

QueenBitch666 · 08/05/2023 00:44

JMSA · 08/05/2023 00:36

Is anyone else's blood absolutely boiling?

Yep. I want to deck the lousy inadequate scrotes 🤬

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 08/05/2023 00:46

JMSA · 08/05/2023 00:36

Is anyone else's blood absolutely boiling?

My veins are coming out my neck. I fuckin detest cunting bullying twats.

Original poster
Booblessbeauty · 08/05/2023 00:47

Thank you very much for your support - I feel better now from reading this thread x

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 08/05/2023 00:52

JudgeRudy · 08/05/2023 00:39

I wouldn't class it as cat calling or sexual harassment. I'm guessing the sexual references were made in a sarcastic way. I don't think you felt sexually threatened.
I would class it as harassment though as it is likely to cause fear harm or distress.....and unacceptable! Other than question/debate your choice of words what did the police do?

I bet when you recievec your diagnosis of cancer you never dreamt this would be your biggest battle. It really baffles me what goes through people's heads when they behave this way.

Men rape women who are elderly, disabled, every type of woman in every type of situation. If a man mentions rape, I would never discount it. And I would feel sexually threatened. Even if they meant it sarcastically.

There's no qualitative difference between the shitty arseholes who did it when I was 18 and gorgeous, and the shitty arseholes who did it when I was 35 and chubby.

Wouldn't it be lovely to have a police force making sure women can walk the streets safely? Some chance.

JudgeRudy · 08/05/2023 00:53

Pinball2023 · 08/05/2023 00:42

@JudgeRudy But mentioning rape etc, why wouldn't she feel threatened, rape is about power, not about people's looks.

Because he wasn't actually threatening her with sexual assault. She knew that. His aim was to make his mates laugh and he did that by humiating her. He could equally have said 'Quick Ryan, your missus is here' or 'Wow, is that Bebe Rexa (or whoever)?'
It's unacceptable either way and must have been very distressing.

Goodread1 · 08/05/2023 00:55

So sorry @Booblessbeauty
You are going through all this kind of Crap stuff,

Just being diagnosed with cancer must be extremely emotionally stressful, !

Then have a few local teenagers being like fuck whits in the area , you living there,

They are being Shits 💩💩💩💩,

Arseholes !

I suggest film them, too, and make sure you report to their school and you want their parents brought to the school , told about this by the headmaster.

Yes definitely say its 100 💯 per cent Harrasment,
I wonder if it could classed as Disabilities hate crime too...

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/05/2023 00:59

FFS @JudgeRudy stop it.

When men mention rape, they aren't doing it to make their mates laugh. They know it's a threat, whether that's credible or not.

Pinball2023 · 08/05/2023 01:11

@MrsTerryPratchett Thank you for articulating my point better than I could!
@JudgeRudy Unfortunately any woman can be a victim, maybe they were being sarcastic, but a threat of rape regardless is serious, and shouldn't be dismissed because of "looks". Also just because OP has described herself as (finding herself unattractive due to cancer) doesn't mean she isn't beautiful.

maddening · 08/05/2023 01:16

Film them and post it on all local Facebook groups and tag in the police imo