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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have snapped over friends boyfriends behaviour?

34 replies

Ladiesunited · 07/05/2023 13:04

I’ve been friends with my friend for 30 years and she’s been single for a long time so I was delighted for her when she met someone.

But, he’s an absolute drip on resources. Refuses to work so he sits and plays Xbox all day, lives with his ex wife and openly admits he loves having two women running after him.

Is constantly broke beyond relief and looking to friend to pay for everything. When she sees him she has to go to his house he shares with ex, and it costs her over 60.00 each time for the train but he refuses to come to hers.

So anyway, not a great guy but now friend asked to borrow 100.00 from me for bills as she was short this month which I happily lent her as she has children and needs electricity etc, but today she’s told me she’s got train to boyfriends (60.00 expensive) and they’re going for a meal etc tonight.

So I sort of lost it, told her what a drip he is and that he needs to get a job, that he’s using her for money and he’s a waste of space etc.

She’s now said that I’m being horrible and vile and she doesn’t want to talk to me. DH says I should apologise but I don’t think I should?

I’m not sure why I’m so annoyed whether it’s because they’re using our money to go out with (we aren’t exactly rolling in it either) or the fact that this has been months of hearing about this loser.

Gah! Should I apologise? I love my friend but feel frustrated at her choices.

OP posts:
GaspingGekko · 07/05/2023 13:06

YANBU. It's one thing if she wanta to spend her own money on this loser. But now she's spending your money on him.
I'd write off the 100, never lend her any more money and back away from the friendship a little to be honest.

MakeItRain · 07/05/2023 13:07

I think it's fair enough that you're annoyed. You wouldn't have lent her the money if she'd said she needs it for train fare and dinner out, and this is effectively what she's spending it on. Don't lend her any more, and don't apologise!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/05/2023 13:13

Get your money back and then leave her to it.

sonjadog · 07/05/2023 13:19

I would be annoyed too if I lent someone 100 pounds and they spent it on a train fare and dinner out. Did you not tell her this?

Regarding her relationship, that's her business and if she wants to date this loser, then that's up to her. But I wouldn't be subbing her any more money.

Pinkbonbon · 07/05/2023 13:23

'I love you but I'm not going to pretend i support your relationship with a man who is treating you like shit. I understand it can be hard to see the wood for the trees when we like someone. But i won't be giving you anymore money in future. Nor will I apologise for being truthful with you. That's what a real friend does when she sees her mate being taken for a mug'.

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/05/2023 13:24

She’s made a terrible choice with this man and she used your generosity in a deceptive way. She’s the one who ought to be apologising.

It sounds as if his entitlement is rubbing off on her. Hitting you up for funds and lying about how she intends to use the money - then getting angry at you for reacting to this - is probably something he would do easily.

Don’t apologise. If you can reconnect calmly that’s good, agree to differ, get your money back and don’t lend any again.

THisbackwithavengeance · 07/05/2023 13:24

Where are they shagging if she has to go and see him at his XW's house???

How bizarre that 2 women would tolerate this.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 07/05/2023 13:25

She’s no friend when she lies to you to get money off you she knows you can ill afford and then uses it to go out with instead. I’d be done.

JMSA · 07/05/2023 13:27

Don't apologise. She's being a complete fanny.

Firstmonthfree · 07/05/2023 13:28

Two women aren’t tolerating this. Three currently are unless you put your foot down, get your money back and don’t lend her money in the future.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/05/2023 13:29

I wouldn't ever apologise. She needed to be told. She is putting a useless, feckless man before the welfare of her own children. It's fucking disgraceful.

Peachy2005 · 07/05/2023 13:33

No way should you apologise.

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/05/2023 13:33

Bloody hell, that a level of desperation for male attention I've never seen before! How did she even meet this wanker?

You should not apologise. You should ask for your money back, since she got it under false pretences - she asked for it to cover bills, she's spent it on travelling to and feeding The Parasite. And be totally clear to her that you won't be lending her money again. She needs to wake up.

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/05/2023 13:34

Firstmonthfree · 07/05/2023 13:28

Two women aren’t tolerating this. Three currently are unless you put your foot down, get your money back and don’t lend her money in the future.

Good point.

Hairday · 07/05/2023 13:40

It's all about tone. You can apologise for the way you said it. You needn't mean to disrespect her. You shouldn't have "snapped". but rather spoken up calmly.

Lindy2 · 07/05/2023 13:48

I'm assuming if it's a £60 train fare then he's quite a distance away so at least you'll never bump into him.

Get your £100 back. Don't lend anymore money. Tell her you have concerns and that she could do a lot better, then step back and leave them all to it. Don't make their problems your problems.

FairAcre · 07/05/2023 14:00

I had a similar friend who was pleading poverty. I felt really sorry for her and gave her some money to tide her over. I didn’t expect it back. I found out she had spent it on a bikini and leg wax. Something I couldn’t afford to do.

littleripper · 07/05/2023 14:13

I bet she doesn't want to talk to you, you might ask for your £100 back!

He is a drip and pathetic but she is mismanaging money and irresponsible too. Do not lend her money, do not get involved!

Original poster
Ladiesunited · 07/05/2023 14:14

He lives around an hour and a half a way by car but he and friend both don’t drive so it’s around a 3 hour train ride with many changes.

Ex wife has a BF apparently and friend and her BF were moaning about him being around all the time while she’s there! You couldn’t make it up!

I genuinely thought the money was for electricity.

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 07/05/2023 14:19

She lied - she is the one who should be apologising.
'BF' sounds a total waste of space - she must be desperate

Eggseggseverywhere · 07/05/2023 14:23

She isn't your friend.. Using you for money.
Step back and leave her to it. After getting your cash back..

diddl · 07/05/2023 14:41

I probably wouldn't have insulted him put I would have been pissed off at giving her money for her to (imo) waste on him.

Why does your husband think that you should apologise?

Tbh I wouldn't care about her not talking to me after using me in that way.

Are you bothered about the friendship?

Not sure I could be friends with someone who makes such stupid decisions.

MushMonster · 07/05/2023 14:44

Well done to you!
I mean, someone has to say it.
What a piece of work! And your friends 100% deserves better. She has children to think of FFS

pictoosh · 07/05/2023 14:47

Yanbu, she's desperate. Tell her you thought she was in genuine need and you'd like your money back.

knobheeeed · 07/05/2023 14:49

I'd have to have it out with her about the money. I couldn't let that one go. She needs to know that you are also short of money and that you scraped together 100 quid because you thought it was to pay the electricity bill and then you find out that she used 60 of it to go and visit her loser boyfriend. Tell her you need the money back.
And do not lend her anything ever again.