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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate breastfeeding

58 replies

Garethkeenansstapler · 07/05/2023 12:36

I’m 6 weeks in breastfeeding DC2. I had all the same issues with DC1 but it was easier, I had no second child to look after so could just be glued to the sofa feeding all day. But I’m really struggling this time.

DS is doing well and gaining weight super speedily, so that much is good. But it’s really getting me down. I hate having to wear a bra and breast pads 24/7, even in bed, if I don’t want to soak through my clothes and leak all over the bed linen. The letdown hurts. I’m sweaty and thirsty all day. My back is in shreds from having to position and hold a 12lb baby for hours every day. I can’t wear what I want - I just put a dress on to go out for lunch only to realise it has zero access. Scrubby leggings and cardigan it is. I hate that it’s me that does all the feeds, which can be unpredictable - not as easy as ‘feeding then hand baby over to dad so you can have a bath/a nap’. I hate breastfeeding in public - no matter how discreetly you try to do it, the baby unlatches or flings it’s arms about so you have no privacy. He seems to get hungry just as I’m finally ready to go out somewhere with him and DD, so back to the lounge it is for another feed.

Does it get better? Right now I’ve told myself to get to 3 months then switch to formula.

OP posts:

Original poster

Garethkeenansstapler · 07/05/2023 12:38

Plus I have oversupply so every time he unlatches milk sprays about 20cm in all directions, soaking both our clothes. Every feed it such a faff - I have to make sure I have a muslin to catch the spray, a bottle of water so I’m not sat there insanely thirsty for 20 minutes.

OP posts:

Stellaroses · 07/05/2023 12:38

It does get better, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with switching if it is making you miserable, especially if you’re going to stretch it to 3 months anyway.

UnaVaca · 07/05/2023 12:39

You don’t have to breastfeed!

UnbeIievabIe · 07/05/2023 12:39

So stop?

Parker231 · 07/05/2023 12:40

Why don’t you use formula - no point being unhappy when you don’t need to be?

Original poster

Garethkeenansstapler · 07/05/2023 12:40

UnaVaca · 07/05/2023 12:39

You don’t have to breastfeed!

I know, I guess I’m hoping someone will tell me it settles down and give me some hacks as formula is now so expensive and I know I would have the faff of making up bottles if I did switch. I’m not a breastfeeding Puritan at all, but I remember lots of episodes of DD shrieking as I waited for bottles to cool down!

OP posts:

ShippingNews · 07/05/2023 12:40

There is no rule that you have to stick it out for any length of time - it's up to you. I didn't breast feed mine at all and they are super healthy adults with no problems. Breast feeding isn't the only option - if you don't like it, stop doing it.

SearchIsTakingTooLong · 07/05/2023 12:43

If exclusive BF is getting you down it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You could consider combi feeding so a few feeds are expressed milk and/or formula. That way, you get a break and the feeding isn't all on you. I managed to do this until 6 months and then switched entirely to formula from that point onwards.

I know exclusive breastfeeding is ideal, but I think the mental and physical toll it takes on women isn't considered enough.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/05/2023 12:45

Your supply will settle. 6 weeks is still early days. You can buy clothes which are comfy and accessible. It will get easier 😊

SparklyBlackKitten · 07/05/2023 12:45

There is one very simple solution op.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/05/2023 12:49

No one ever goes on a thread where someone’s struggling with FF and says just breastfeed.

OP seems keen to continue BF if she can overcome a few obstacles. She’s right that formula is expensive and that’s a key consideration for a lot of people. Telling her to just use formula is probably not helpful.

TheGoogleMum · 07/05/2023 12:54

Don't make yourself do something you don't want to do. I currently have a 5 week old I'm breastfeeding so I get it. We've actually already started adding the odd bottle in to try and avoid baby being 100% reliant on me because that's draining (DC1 didn't breastfeed despite me attempting to so it's all fairly new this time, having others feed baby was actually really helpful!).
I definitely sympathise with having to wear bra and breast pads constantly and being sweaty and thirsty. I often feel like I stink and am covered in milk, it definitely has its downsides! Overall I'm still happy doing it but I've already got a perfect prep ready just in case

fancyfrogs · 07/05/2023 12:57

For me, yes it got better. Currently 4m in and it's no hassle for me at all now. I'd say 8-10 weeks my supply settled a lot and i don't get anywhere near as engorged or leaky. I don't have to wear a bra or pads for bed now either, though some people are generally more/less leaky than others and I didn't really leak much with DS1 either. In public, I always tuck a muslin in my bra strap up by my shoulder and have it draping down towards the middle of my chest but not over baby, then if he pulls away or there are any leaks, it's handy there to cover yourself and catch any milk. Or wear a vest top under whatever else I'm wearing to do one up one down with my tops so i'm always very covered and generally people don't even know I'm feeding baby. Feeding out and about is definitely easier now as he's bigger and you're having to be a bit less hands on in terms of positing and latching them carefully etc.
Of course you can stop and formula feed if it's what you want, but it will most likely get easier than this for you and it's still early days really. For me, bf now that me and baby are more used to it is much less hassle than having to make up bottles whilst looking after a toddler too 😊

cheepcheepchick · 07/05/2023 12:59

Girl I'm 7 months in EBFing my baby and I have a 2 year old so I totally get it.

I have oversupply as well, so relate on the spraying angle.

Not to mention my toddler gets clingy when I BF my baby especially when she's hungry or tired.

It does get better though. Around 4 months, baby was going longer between feeds. 6 months became the sweet spot when I started weaning, because I took pouches out with me so if baby became fussy I would give her a few spoonfuls to keep her settled until we got home to give her a proper feed.

One thing I will say is that if you want to give a bottle later down the line, introduce it now. I left it too late because I was worried DD2 would get nipple confusion and now she doesn't take a bottle of even freshly expressed milk, let alone formula. She doesn't drink enough from a cup either soooo yeah.

However, I can leave her for longer periods now that she is on solids.

Also breastfeeding is amazing for putting them to sleep. I can't imagine having to rock or hold her for ages before putting her down.

Fandabedodgy · 07/05/2023 13:03

It absolutely gets better. It gets easier and then it gets easy.

With my first I switched to formula at 10 months and did bottles of formula till 12 months. Hugely regretted it as it was a complete faff. All that sterilising, making up bottles, heating them, lugging equipment around. Bloody hell what a faff.

Next child I kept breastfeeding till there was no need for bottles. (I did express though so dad could do nightfeeds or I could leave baby with grandparents)

You will get past the leaky stage, you will get past the lack of routine and you will master the art of feeding in public. In the meantime find a seat where you can have your back to most people. That will make you feel less self conscious.

Fandabedodgy · 07/05/2023 13:05

OP wants supportive advice on breastfeeding.

Replies - use formula - do engage your brains

Singleandproud · 07/05/2023 13:06

It does get easier.
You can buy specific breast feeding clothes. Or go the cheaper way and buy a cheap vest with a stretchy neckline that way you can layer a shirt over the top, unbutton half the buttons pull the neck of the vest down and feed baby that way. If they move you get much more coverage from the vest/shirt combo.

Your supply will settle, but why not try hand expressing a little before each feed, store it and then your DP can feed baby.
You won't need breast pads for ever either.

The convenience of bf is well worth it in the Summer when you are out and about.

Learn to feed lying down or with a pillow to take the weight off your back and arms.

It is OK not to breastfeed, but I would try combi feeding first before going full formula fed as that way you will both be getting the advantages of the process whilst having some flexibility.

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 07/05/2023 13:06

It totally gets better! It is worth persevering with, especially as he's doing so well on it and your milk supply is excellent.

AllOrNothingSituation · 07/05/2023 13:07

Then stop. I loved it personally. You’re not forced to do it.

Helptonight · 07/05/2023 13:14

Unpopular opinion incoming...

Its not the breastfeeding that I hated, its was our lifestyles these days. So much pressure to be on top of it all. Imagine years gone by (and I mean hundreds of years) Mothers were revered and helped by family/community. Brought food and drink, allowed to spend the day feeding and bonding with our children without guilt. Not constantly feeling anxious about having zero time to do other tasks and manage modern life. It's all wrong. Imagine feeling supported constantly with our spouses and children surrounding us in a big love bubble of understanding.

Now back to the real world!

You do whatever you think is best for you and your baby. I suffered really badly with thrush and gave up after 4 weeks, if I had the time back I would have persevered but I just couldn't cope with everything that was happening to me and our lives at that time.

All the best OP x

Parker231 · 07/05/2023 13:17

Fandabedodgy · 07/05/2023 13:05

OP wants supportive advice on breastfeeding.

Replies - use formula - do engage your brains

The OP is saying (and giving reasons) why she hates breast feeding. Why wouldn’t posters refer to formula when there is an excellent alternative?

TiredMum86 · 07/05/2023 13:21

You may have tried these and apologies if so but stuff that helped me:
Cushions and yoga blocks to support some of babies weight when you're breastfeeding sat upright, I had a bolster cushion that would clip around the pram handle.
Milk catchers in bra if you leak a lot, either save and freeze it or just pour it out but you can freeze and donate if you won't use it and don't want to pour it away - they were uncomfortable at first but after a few days I didn't notice they were there and they have a pretty big capacity. Otherwise some pads are more absorbant than others- bamboo or hemp for example.
In public if you have friends or your partner with you get them to help with a shawl etc if baby is pulling it off or wriggling a lot - depending how old your dd is she may be able to help with that too? Or a lacy poncho so it's breathable but more likely to stay in place.
For nursing clothes check out Facebook marketplace or sites like free cycle- I was lucky and picked up some nursing/maternity dresses for free on fb marketplace, always worth a look. Otherwise layering a vest top with another larger top can give you options for pulling one up and one down with less flesh on show.
In public do whatever you want regarding covering up etc but don't ever let anyone bully you into thinking you need to - cover up for yourself not other people and many of us will always fight for the right for anyone to breastfeed publicly however they need to.
Do you have a sling? It takes a bit of experimentation and depends on the type you have but you can get baby into a feeding position safely and it will distribute some of the weight more comfortably.

Mummy08m · 07/05/2023 13:22

It gets much easier and I think you'd have had better advice if you'd gone on Parenting instead of aibu (aibu is full of ideologues inc men!)

Some tips for short term:

Find positions that don't hurt your back, particularly when you're at home. Eg side lying or the rugby hold. Google these for diagrams.
Don't wear bras at home: just rest a muslin over your breasts when sleeping or lounging. It helps reduce the chance of mastitis and you'll be more comfy. Replace muslin as required.
Breastfeeding clothes! Instead of buying specific nursing clothes, join the Facebook group "Can I breastfeed in it uk" for ordinary clothes that are bf friendly. Only exception: I highly recommend B Shirt vests under your ordinary clothes.
At 3/4 months (at the latest) your oversupply will most likely stop. Don't express between feeds.
Feel free to supplement with formula, I mix fed from the start and still managed to keep up breastfeeding for 2y7m. Just don't go longer than 4-5h between breastfeeds in case of mastitis (until 3/4m as above).

Mummy08m · 07/05/2023 13:23

*for risk of mastitis I should have said (typing in a hurry!)

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 07/05/2023 13:26

I do not care at all about accidentally flashing a boob in public. If people are looking at a breastfeeding mother, they have to know what to expect!

Otherwise, combi feed. I was a militant BFer but I had to supplement with formula as DD wasn't gaining weight... it means I don't have to do all the nightfeeds too.

And some of the baby carriers allow you to breastfeed at the same time. Might be worth looking into too?

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