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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being petty? Or is this normal?

37 replies

Mummy632 · 07/05/2023 10:56

My daughter started a new school in September. She wasn’t the only one as there’s 4 more in class who also started same time. It’s the kind of school that has extra places in year 3. Anyways that’s not the BU part I just thought I’d add context.

She’s been invited to zero parties so far and I’m friendly to all the parents and say hello etc. she’s a good kid, quiet but is popular as when I drop or pick up the kids all say hello and bye to her. Lots ask me if they can have a playdate infront of the parents and we have arranged play dates. She has a big group of girl friends she does hang out with so it’s really playing on my mind why she’s not been invited to parties. Money is not the issue for these parents! It’s upsetting me but I think my daughter is oblivious to it but maybe not but I don’t make an issue.

it’s her birthday soon and I don’t know what to do: either invite the whole class or just the girls. My daughter wants the whole class but I feel no one has invited us!

please help me put this into perspective. My daughter does have lots of friends from her old school and activities she does. How can I stop feeling upset on her behalf? She has told me X and Y had a birthday party but she doesn’t seem upset she just tells me as facts.

OP posts:
UnbeIievabIe · 07/05/2023 11:00

Have any of these parties been her close friend circle?

Original poster
Mummy632 · 07/05/2023 11:04

Yes her apparently best friend. She had a party during the Feb half term. I didn’t say anything to the mum. It just felt awkward but I don’t know who else was there.

OP posts:
TeenDivided · 07/05/2023 11:05

By y3 parties have often got smaller.
It may be she is on the outer circle of friends and doesn't yet make the close friends cut?

shoofly · 07/05/2023 11:05

Is there a possibility that you've missed invitations? Left in bottom of book bag, perhaps?

Original poster
Mummy632 · 07/05/2023 11:06

So do you think I should also have a smaller party and only invite the girls?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummy632 · 07/05/2023 11:07

@shoofly no there’s not a possibility as there a very chatty WhatsApp for the whole class, a mention would definitely have been made on there. If I invite the whole class I will be putting on WhatsApp not an actual invite

OP posts:
Invisimamma · 07/05/2023 11:08

I find the big class parties are generally done in the first year of primary school.
By your daughters age it's usually inviting 4 or 5 friends to do an activity or sleepover than a big group party.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/05/2023 11:08

If she wants an all class party and you have the money and time to do it, I'd do it. Don't stop her having an all kid party cos someone else had a party and didn't invite her. Thsts petty and not helping.

Welshrainbow · 07/05/2023 11:09

Are the other children definitely having parties and inviting people from school? Or just parties with maybe one friend and family? I thought my son wasn’t getting invited to parties as had no invites and he’s in y3 but when he had a party every parent commented that it was the first party they’d had an invite for. Turns out nobody in the class had had a party and invited kids from school, they’d just had a small party etc with family.

Original poster
Mummy632 · 07/05/2023 11:11

@SleepingStandingUp but I won’t be able to invite cousins and friends that actually invite us (from old school and her swimming and other classes she does). it seems pointless inviting all the class when they don’t reciprocate by inviting us.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummy632 · 07/05/2023 11:12

@Welshrainbow that’s a good point! There’s no way I can just ask so I suppose I won’t know unless I invite whole class

OP posts:
IglesiasPiggl · 07/05/2023 11:12

At that age I would invite all the girls. Whole class parties have usually stopped by then. Don't worry about your DD not having been invited, maybe this is a chance to turn that round.

Elfandwellbeing · 07/05/2023 11:13

Yabu and petty, you actually sound quite insecure, actually questioning why no one is inviting “us”. School parties are for kids it’s not a family invite.

Original poster
Mummy632 · 07/05/2023 11:14

@IglesiasPiggl thank you.

what does everyone else think? I need to make a decision soon and give invites out Tuesday. I’ve already booked the place and paid the minimum kids. I can always add more even on the day they said

OP posts:
Willmafrockfit · 07/05/2023 11:15

it shouldnt be tit for tat
perhaps she is on the outer fringes
or just shy.

Original poster
Mummy632 · 07/05/2023 11:16

@Elfandwellbeing well duh obviously it’s the kid not me! What a silly thing to say! Lol but I will be driving her so when I say “us” the invite is obviously going to go to the parent to RSVP at 7 they can’t do that. You sound like you putting your issues onto me, whst wrong? Feel free to post here

OP posts:
Willmafrockfit · 07/05/2023 11:17

if she wants a whole class
you can manage it
and she is new to the school, somewhat

EthicalNonMahogany · 07/05/2023 11:17

They can't reciprocate until you've asked them! If you feel generous and fun and would like a big whopping party then do it - and say to the parents with a happy smile "Hey, we just love the new school and wanted to invite everyone as you've all been so welcoming" (don't mention other parties)

Or have just the girls and say "Olivia loves all her class but it's a bit overwhelming when you're new so we've mixed it up with old and new friends! But everyone here so welcoming etc etc, we wanted to invite as many as we could fit in".

Whatever you do, do it with a happy vibe, people like people who make them feel relaxed and happy. Just think how nice it is to be able to celebrate your DD, you won't go wrong.

Original poster
Mummy632 · 07/05/2023 11:17

@Willmafrockfit yes that’s what I thought but then we’ll be at max capacity so won’t be. Able to invite ppl she does interact with daily, what age did you stop whole class parties?

OP posts:
SeulementUneFois · 07/05/2023 11:19

Do the cousins and the friends from her old school. At least till it's clearer, maybe change next year.

Original poster
Mummy632 · 07/05/2023 11:19

Sorry guys I need to go now but I’ll come back and see what responses are later. So basically I need opinions on whether you think a) whole class, b) just girls or even c) 4 or 8 friends she plays with and rest friends from outside school. Thank you!

OP posts:
Fandabedodgy · 07/05/2023 11:19

Who does she want to come to her party?

That's who you should invite.

There no conspiracy. There nothing going on. You are being paranoid.

Mangotime · 07/05/2023 11:20

If she wants whole class and you can then do it. This should lead to some reciprocals and then it takes off from there hopefully.
Could you do something smaller with the others?

booksandbrooks · 07/05/2023 11:21

I'd do a whole class party if you can and that's what she wants. Just put a clear RSVP deadline. You're unlikely to get 30 kids coming so should still have room for family and non school friends.

I like whole class parties though, I hate leaving people uninvited.

Book a hall, set up activities on tables and play down turns. Buffet spread. Key ring & cake to take home.

You shouldn't invite people in the spirit of getting an invite back but it does help.

Original poster
Mummy632 · 07/05/2023 11:22

@EthicalNonMahogany sorry your response came as I posted. That’s a really good and well written response. Thank you so much. Thank you everyone, I’ll read later when I get back from swimming. Yes you’re right it’s no conspiracy lol, but It’s weird not one invite and nearly end of school year.

OP posts:
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