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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have gotten the ick?

59 replies

parenthoodseason · 07/05/2023 08:00

Been on four dates with a man, enjoyed our dates and becoming more and more attracted to him. He's 34 and I'm 30, we both have a child each.

Last night the conversation turned sexual over texts and he told me that he struggles to get hard and often doesn't come. He said that we can use other means like tongue and fingers though.

In my experience, men that have this problem so young are either using drugs or too much porn.

It's obviously worked in the past as he has a child, so wouldn't the obvious thing be to look at what has happened since then and sort it rather than just declaring that his dick doesn't work.

I feel bad but it's just given me the ick, I can't really be bothered dealing with anything like that. I would like a normal sex life.

AIBU?

OP posts:

MakesMeFeelSad · 07/05/2023 16:14

parenthoodseason · 07/05/2023 15:58

I've just read back the message. I'd had a few glasses of wine when we were texting. He said he can't get hard or cum when he's had a drink. Whoops my mistake.

🤣🤣 Well that is more common

QueefQueen80s · 07/05/2023 16:16

Oysterbabe · 07/05/2023 15:22

The ex I had this issue with, it was porn / excessive masterbation. He was so used to wanking VERY hard and VERY fast that a mouth or vagina did not work for him, he could barely feel a thing.

This is it. So sad.

Isthatascratchonmygrandmother · 07/05/2023 16:33

I'd feel bad for him, if it's a genuine medical reason, but it wouldn't be for me OP. I like a lovely hard penis to work with.

mycatsanutter · 07/05/2023 16:35

Oh so his problem is not really a problem , I think that's quite normal . He's basically telling you if you go out together and get drunk don't be expecting any sex !

girlfriend44 · 07/05/2023 16:40

parenthoodseason · 07/05/2023 15:58

I've just read back the message. I'd had a few glasses of wine when we were texting. He said he can't get hard or cum when he's had a drink. Whoops my mistake.

Brewers droop.

Urgsleepmoresleep · 07/05/2023 17:35

@parenthoodseason 😂😂😂. Happens to us all. I can’t feel much and become really uncoordinated. I think I am great, but I reality it’s shit drunk sex

PinkiOcelot · 07/05/2023 17:36

trostra · 07/05/2023 16:09

You're allowed to stop dating someone over anything and I've definitely got the ick for things far more minor than this @parenthoodseason

However I have vulovydynia which basically makes me the female equivalent of this. No one has to date me if they're not happy with penetrative sex not always being an option, but I'd be pretty bummed if everyone felt it made me a no go zone.

I think it's a little unfair to assume his ED is due to drugs or a porn addiction, just as it would be to assume my symptoms are due to trauma or assault.

No pun intended!

Overthinker89 · 19/03/2025 20:36

WOW. I have totally the opposite opinion. I think it's a green flag for being honest. Also, nerves can cause this at the beggining. I've had this issue with 3 guys, all of whom we worked on it, communicated well and had great sex. It really wouldn't bother me if a guy told me this and i liked him. If any guys are reading this or other women eith the same issue PLENTY of women i know wouldnt find this an issue and it's common. So don't worry.

nopenotplaying · 19/03/2025 21:04

Does viagra not just fix it? 🤷🏼‍♀️

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