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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you meet your partner young, it massively impacts your housing situation?

108 replies

BumblingAlonggg · 06/05/2023 23:16

Just idly thinking of my friends who met partners at uni, or quite quickly after graduation. I can think of quite a few couples who met young, spent a couple of years seeing each other and moved in together between maybe 25 and 28.

In one case, two of my mates and their partners all living in a (large!) 1 bedroom flat in a pricey part of East London, they shared for a few years and were able to save very efficiently.

When I compare to myself, who didn't meet a partner until later and spent all my twenties and early thirties in house shares, it just feels like it is a massive advantage to meet the person you love young, in terms of stability and being able to save.

And it's really just down to chance when you meet somebody you fall in love with where those feelings are mutual, so not a lot you can do to hurry it along!

Anyone else think this too?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 06/05/2023 23:17

You have a point. It changes when couples start divorcing and a bunch won’t own any longer. Not that it’s any comfort.

ReadersD1gest · 06/05/2023 23:19

You must have been able to save a fair bit living in house shares?

eyesfullofstars · 06/05/2023 23:20

I know a few people who are younger than me and on the housing ladder already because they have been able to save as a couple. Most of those that I know continued living with parents and only moved in together when they bought together as living with parents helped with saving money.

I moved out at 18 so wouldn’t have been able to save the same even if I was part of a couple since being younger. I’m still saving by myself though and, while it might take me longer, I’m happy with doing that alone. It’s exciting to think of having my own place eventually that is just mine!

Shinyandnew1 · 06/05/2023 23:21

In one case, two of my mates and their partners all living in a (large!) 1 bedroom flat in a pricey part of East London, they shared for a few years and were able to save very efficiently.

2 couples shared a one-bedroom flat??

FiveShelties · 06/05/2023 23:23

I think being older is the advantage - you are earning more and have savings to put done a good deposit.

ImKingAtLast · 06/05/2023 23:23

We moved in together young and ended up buying a house years after others our age because we were paying the full rent and all bills for a flat/small house outof our small wages rather than it being split in a houseshare. Some couples might be able to be thrifty and save but I imagine the majority cant

HyggeTygge · 06/05/2023 23:23

Yes, I've discussed this a lot in our friendship group as it can be a big factor as to e.g. getting on the property ladder.

Obviously people can live with and buy property with friends but you still need to meet people you'd be happy living with and sharing a large financial commitment with, know your way around drawing up a contact etc. Plus the potential for friends to meet long-term partners.

On the other hand being single you don't have any dilemma of eg having to move for one person's career.

Mummyof287 · 06/05/2023 23:24

Definitely agree! Have often thought this.I've had friends who met early on and got on the ladder with small flats with small deposits then gradually moved up the ladder together, so much more easily.

TheApplianceofScience · 06/05/2023 23:25

I met my DH in my mid 20’s , he was in his early thirties, we are now debt free and mortgage free, my brother who didn’t settle down until he was knocking 30 married someone who then inherited a house. They were the poor relations for a long time they are now considerably richer than us # Harry Enfield.

We are happy.

They are happy.

Luck. Innit

AspiringMermaid · 06/05/2023 23:30

I agree with you I met my DH at 19, have saved on housing but then again we aren't fancy.
It doesn't always work out cheaper to be in a relationship, we have friends that insist on living alone together in London, so they spend more on one bed flats. Alot of couples don't want to live with other people!

JandalsAlways · 06/05/2023 23:31

I actually think the opposite, in some ways being single helps you to save, I certainly had alot more when I was single as I only flatted, just had furniture for my bedroom, didn't eat much etc etc. The set up of running a household is alot more, even if you're sharing the costs. Not to mention those who live at home longer and can save more.

StripyHorse · 06/05/2023 23:34

DH moved in with me when I bought my house (because at that time it was my house). I would have bought a house on my own otherwise.

The biggest impact is not that we met young, more that I graduated before being a house was a pipe dream for single people.

RunningRunningRunningRunningRunning · 06/05/2023 23:35

We met at uni, bought a house together aged 31. We managed this because we moved back home a few years after uni had no holidays abroad and barely went out or did anything fun. Meanwhile my single pals were living life to the full, holidays, nights out etc etc. One of my single pals stayed single, she's just got on the property ladder aged 40, mainly due to an inheritance. She's always had a none stop social life and clearly didn't save (she also lived in london). She chose that life though and we chose our boring home owning life with kids. 2 salaries and not needing to go out so much makes saving and buying easier, obviously, but we did sacrifice things in our 20s to get to where we are now.

Seren85 · 06/05/2023 23:36

It probably depends if you move in together young. If you're paying rent and bills from a young age on smaller wages, you aren't saving much. But if you meet someone young and both save for it whilst living at home or cheaply then it can be helpful.

NoSquirrels · 06/05/2023 23:39

two of my mates and their partners all living in a (large!) 1 bedroom flat in a pricey part of East London, they shared for a few years and were able to save very efficiently.

Sounds deeply unideal to me! I’d much rather a room in a shared house, or a 2-bed flat with 4 people.

OP, for every person/couple who benefits from meeting their partner younger and getting on the property ladder, there are at least 50% of those who will end up splitting up later on with all the financial disadvantages.

Then there are loads who can live at home with their parents.

Or those who get an inheritance. Or bank of mum and dad. Etc.

I don’t think partnering up early is a golden ticket to wealth and happiness.

PurpleBananaSmoothie · 06/05/2023 23:44

Generally, I would agree but I would also say that people tend to get trapped then. DH and I have been together since we were 20 (13 years) and we’ve benefitted by sharing rent/mortgage but we have both acknowledged we wouldn’t be able to afford to live separately now. Your bills increase to accommodate two salaries and it leaves people feeling like they can’t split up.

For us we were actually one of the last of our friends to buy despite being one of the longest together, all our single friends bought before us too. I would say for half of our friends the considerably area to live in was a bigger reason they got on the property ladder before us. For the other half it was because they had significant deposits from parents or they’d received a significant inheritance.

UsingChangeofName · 06/05/2023 23:44

You could look at it the opposite way. If you meet your partner young, you don't really want to be living with parents, so you end up spending more on commercial rent, whereas if you are single, it is easier to live back home for a couple of years to save.

I think YABU. There are so many different circumstances and factors that impact, and I don't think you can generalise.

CantFindTheBeat · 06/05/2023 23:45

It's just life, OP.

Some people divorce. Lose their house and have to start again, or with something much smaller.

Some people have children with extra needs, and can't work, so don't accelerate their earnings and savings in the same way as people who have easier support.

Some people's partners leave them, and they are financially screwed.

Some people are immigrants who start on the ladder much later in life.

Some people have elderly parents they need to look after so can't move away.

Everyone can have reasons why life in unfair if they look hard enough.

Most people just get on with it.

Abcdefgh1234 · 06/05/2023 23:48

No. I’m 34 years old and i have 4 bedroom house in cambridge just finished all my mortgage this year. Its all due to my years and years of studying, got a good degree, got a good job and good salary. You can do it without man.

stayathomer · 06/05/2023 23:49

We bought just before everything went belly up in 2008. Had we met later we’d have made entirely different choices to the ones we made then (bought an apartment that we overpaid for and flew into severe negative equity that we still can’t sell even though we now have 4 kids and live and both work in a different county) and would have saved ourselves years of poverty. Op the grass always looks greener

eyesfullofstars · 06/05/2023 23:54

JandalsAlways · 06/05/2023 23:31

I actually think the opposite, in some ways being single helps you to save, I certainly had alot more when I was single as I only flatted, just had furniture for my bedroom, didn't eat much etc etc. The set up of running a household is alot more, even if you're sharing the costs. Not to mention those who live at home longer and can save more.

It’s interesting you say that as I always found my food bill far cheaper when I’ve lived with a partner. The difference for me between a studio flat as a single person and a two bed flat as a couple was savings of £500 per month for the 2 bed flat.

gogohmm · 06/05/2023 23:55

But it makes as much difference if you can live with parents. Or the biggest difference of all is where you live - if you do a job with a set salary scheme across the country, living in a cheaper city/town is a huge benefit. We could buy a 5 bed detached but wouldn't have earned any more in an expensive part of the country except london where you get £4K more

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 06/05/2023 23:55

I met DH at 19 and couldn't buy til I was 30

DuesToTheDirt · 06/05/2023 23:58

Abcdefgh1234 · 06/05/2023 23:48

No. I’m 34 years old and i have 4 bedroom house in cambridge just finished all my mortgage this year. Its all due to my years and years of studying, got a good degree, got a good job and good salary. You can do it without man.

4 bed house in Cambridge? The cheapest on Rightmove currently is 450k. How the hell does anyone afford that on their own, at a young age? By "just finished", do you mean you've paid off your mortgage?

produ · 07/05/2023 00:00

I thinking the biggest help is from parents. I don't know anyone who got on the London ladder without it even when meeting young.