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Original poster

To think if you meet your partner young, it massively impacts your housing situation?

108 replies

BumblingAlonggg · 06/05/2023 23:16

Just idly thinking of my friends who met partners at uni, or quite quickly after graduation. I can think of quite a few couples who met young, spent a couple of years seeing each other and moved in together between maybe 25 and 28.

In one case, two of my mates and their partners all living in a (large!) 1 bedroom flat in a pricey part of East London, they shared for a few years and were able to save very efficiently.

When I compare to myself, who didn't meet a partner until later and spent all my twenties and early thirties in house shares, it just feels like it is a massive advantage to meet the person you love young, in terms of stability and being able to save.

And it's really just down to chance when you meet somebody you fall in love with where those feelings are mutual, so not a lot you can do to hurry it along!

Anyone else think this too?

OP posts:
produ · 07/05/2023 00:02

The biggest impact is not that we met young, more that I graduated before being a house was a pipe dream for single people.

And this!

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 07/05/2023 00:03

For sure, you're absolutely right. Me and my partner bought at 23 and sold 10 years later having paid off the mortgage, with the house value over doubled. No chance could we afford the house we are in right now without that equity.

GCWorkNightmare · 07/05/2023 00:04

Not completely. I didn’t go to uni and bought a house at 19 (late 1990s). DH went to uni and bought a house at around 24. We married at 28 (him) and 26 (me), sold the houses and bought one together that we still live in (18 years later).

DD is 12 and should have at least £25k by the time she hits 18. We hope that will give her some options.

Original poster
BumblingAlonggg · 07/05/2023 00:11

Shinyandnew1 · 06/05/2023 23:21

In one case, two of my mates and their partners all living in a (large!) 1 bedroom flat in a pricey part of East London, they shared for a few years and were able to save very efficiently.

2 couples shared a one-bedroom flat??

Yup.

Definitely not ideal but they preferred to live in a particular part of London and still save. I think it wasn't so bad as, like house shares, when you're in your twenties sometimes it feels like you're only at home to sleep, always at work or out doing stuff.

They had good fun but of course only sustainable for a couple of years. Not a long term situation!

OP posts:
Original poster
BumblingAlonggg · 07/05/2023 00:12

StripyHorse · 06/05/2023 23:34

DH moved in with me when I bought my house (because at that time it was my house). I would have bought a house on my own otherwise.

The biggest impact is not that we met young, more that I graduated before being a house was a pipe dream for single people.

Totally agree with you here. It's just the market has changed so much.

OP posts:
Suprima · 07/05/2023 00:13

You’re not wrong. Living as a couple is cheaper.

However, I know lots of late twenties couples who should have called in quits last year of uni. But they have settled and trudge along because they have mortgages and long tenancies together.

I did the same but ‘got out’. I felt so trapped.

The urge to play house is strong, and financially persuasive.

Feetinthemudandleaves · 07/05/2023 00:18

FiveShelties · 06/05/2023 23:23

I think being older is the advantage - you are earning more and have savings to put done a good deposit.

This.
couples who meet in their thirties could have two properties.

MintJulia · 07/05/2023 00:32

It's more the people who are able to buy young by any means, whether that's by pairing up, family help or simply being a higher earner early on.

At the other end of the term, those who have never divorced tend to have better housing for obvious reasons.

I was a high earner early on (not now by MN standards) and bought a two bed flat in London at 24. And I've never married/divorced so the equity has stayed in the property.

morekidsthanhands · 07/05/2023 00:34

I've always thought the opposite because of our situation.
My partner is a care leaver so we have always had to rent (couldn't live separately with parents to save - I did at first but we moved in together as paying the rent anyway) I suppose we could have flat shared but that isn't really a thing in the town we live... plus we had children earlyish too.
Met at 21, children at 25 and we bought our house last year aged 30.

Whisper23 · 07/05/2023 00:37

DuesToTheDirt · 06/05/2023 23:58

4 bed house in Cambridge? The cheapest on Rightmove currently is 450k. How the hell does anyone afford that on their own, at a young age? By "just finished", do you mean you've paid off your mortgage?

Show quote history

If she bought, say, 10 years ago the prices would have been significantly lower. And she did say she's on a good salary so I can see it would be doable.

eyesfullofstars · 07/05/2023 00:38

morekidsthanhands · 07/05/2023 00:34

I've always thought the opposite because of our situation.
My partner is a care leaver so we have always had to rent (couldn't live separately with parents to save - I did at first but we moved in together as paying the rent anyway) I suppose we could have flat shared but that isn't really a thing in the town we live... plus we had children earlyish too.
Met at 21, children at 25 and we bought our house last year aged 30.

It’s not really the opposite though. Your partner would have had to rent regardless of a relationship with you. I had to rent from 18 onwards. I was single. To say I was better off than someone in the same situation who was in a couple isn’t true. It’s cheaper to rent as a couple than it is as a single person.

UndercoverCop · 07/05/2023 00:40

I'm from East London, bought my flat at 25 no parental help, I bought in Essex because it was cheaper and just as quick to get to work.
I also went home after uni and saved like mad, if I'd been in a relationship there would've been a bigger likelihood of moving straight out and paying rent

UndercoverCop · 07/05/2023 00:42

This was in 2010 when I was 25

Original poster
BumblingAlonggg · 07/05/2023 00:43

Not everyone can move home with parents, though.

It's not a given that a single person can just do that, and sometimes couples do move in with one set of parents to save, too.

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 07/05/2023 00:45

FiveShelties · 06/05/2023 23:23

I think being older is the advantage - you are earning more and have savings to put done a good deposit.

How does that work? Surely if couple A buy a home together at 25, theyre 10 years ahead of couple B who come together at 35 (assuming both in their first serious relationship). Couple B have most likely been unable to afford to buy a home on their own and have been 'wasting' money on rent rather than mortgage payments. How would they be able to save anhmore than couple A, let alone extra on top to make up for the 10 years delayed house purchase and the huge rise in house prices.

Sailingaround · 07/05/2023 00:45

Feetinthemudandleaves · 07/05/2023 00:18

This.
couples who meet in their thirties could have two properties.

Show quote history

But the point is the couple who meet when they’re younger eg.21 are able to save quicker though even if they don’t have the initial savings amount of the average 35 year old they’ll probably get there (jointly) before 35 since there are two of them AND they will have saved more during their twenties since they’re sharing.

and Nowadays it could be less likely because if they’ve been living in an expensive city and paying high rent by themselves neither may not have enough to buy a house. I don’t have the stats at my finger tips but it’s becoming increasingly common for singles not to own a house before 40.

@BumblingAlonggg IMO it’s a no-brainer - you’re totally correct. Of course it also depends on salary, spending habits etc but If I compare my friends working within a similar sector/salary brackets and their house purchasing age, overall it was definitely the couples who managed it first.

And as for saving in flatshares…Some couples even saved by getting a large room in a flat so whereas I was paying £700 a month they were paying £350 each plus buying groceries for two works out cheaper per person than buying for one.

That said of course there are other advantages people get such as inheritance or working in a high salary job or having a family living in London where they can live with them for a while to save up - something I wasn’t able to do!

But all things being equal, definitely couples are in a better position financially.

Abcdefgh1234 · 07/05/2023 00:51

@DuesToTheDirt yes i bought my house for £225k when i was 26years old. It was 3 bedroom house but i do renovate and make extension in my garage so i have extra bedroom. So its 4 bedroom now and get appraised in 2022 by estate agent and its £475k . I’m fortunate enough to have good salary since starting my career.

JudgeRudy · 07/05/2023 00:52

Feetinthemudandleaves · 07/05/2023 00:18

This.
couples who meet in their thirties could have two properties.

Show quote history

I think this might have held true if say you bought your first home 10+ years ago, but not many 25 year old could afford to buy on their own now.

Sailingaround · 07/05/2023 00:53

JudgeRudy · 07/05/2023 00:45

How does that work? Surely if couple A buy a home together at 25, theyre 10 years ahead of couple B who come together at 35 (assuming both in their first serious relationship). Couple B have most likely been unable to afford to buy a home on their own and have been 'wasting' money on rent rather than mortgage payments. How would they be able to save anhmore than couple A, let alone extra on top to make up for the 10 years delayed house purchase and the huge rise in house prices.

Show quote history

Exactly. And even if the couple who met at age 20 takes ten years to save up to buy a house and a couple of the same generation who meet at 35 take only 5 years to buy a house because they’re further along in their career, the “young” couple would still have managed to buy at age 30 ( when house prices are lower) compared to age 40.

This is why I think it’s wild society stigmatises single people. All things being equal, many things a single person achieves they’ve had to work harder for it. ( I’m talking about the average person of course, not someone with unlimited access to a trust fund etc.)

InvincibleInvisibility · 07/05/2023 00:56

Agree with PP. Its life.

If Id met a DH earlier then I'd be living in a very different place and probably country. Yes I could have bought a house earlier but I would have been tied at a younger age.

Instead I lived in a few different places before settling down.

What helped DH and me buy a house was that we were both renting tiny bedsits but earning very decent wages so were both saving. We then bought a very small one bedroom flat together. Which sold well and we moved up and up the ladder. Both earning very decent wages meaning we could get bigger mortgages each time and still continue to save to increase the deposit on the next flat.

Ariela · 07/05/2023 00:56

I think it depends if you're a natural saver or a natural spender.
My eldest is a saver, and despite an expensive hobby has saved half a flat deposit at 23, but of her friends one is a spender also living at home and in debt.

Sailingaround · 07/05/2023 00:58

And one more thing - we have seen how many women especially come on here saying they can’t afford to leave their hopeless partners because they would struggle to live alone. I know women like this in real life too..and men as well. It’s clearly financially beneficial to live with a partner or people wouldn’t say this.

It’s rare for someone to come on here saying it will be too expensive for their partner to move in. Financial abuse aside it’s almost always cheaper to live with a partner and in a broken society like this , it massively impacts on your living situation.

Shirty48 · 07/05/2023 01:01

I think it’s slightly different these days with prices being so high. However we got together much later than a lot of my friends who bought houses in the late 90s, having been together since their late teens/early 20s. However many are now divorced, so whilst they benefited massively from the boom in prices buying some c.8-10 years before us (we bought just before house prices crashed in 2008), they now have to split their equity between two households. We also had much more freedom in our 20s and met at point when we were both older and knew what we wanted. Appreciate it will be a lot harder for my children as house prices are so ridiculous now.

KittyAlfred · 07/05/2023 01:07

I agree OP.
I have many friends who got married in their 20s, bought houses together, both worked, pooled their resources early on, shared bills etc.
I just had successive relationships, didn’t cohabit and buy a house till my mid 30s, and then split up after a few years.
We're all in our 50s now and my couple friends are minted, mortgages paid off, holidays homes, etc. I’ve still got 10 years left on the mortgage on my terraced house.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 07/05/2023 01:11

You're right. I met DP on the first day of uni. Wasn't looking for love but it smacked into me. Had no idea he was wealthy... he bought our London flat and I've never paid rent. I'm certainly very lucky. The love of my life and as a WC Yorkshire woman I live a life of luxury. I was able to take low paid jobs to enter my desired industry.

Thankfully he isnt classist.