To ask your experiences of having a doula?

[scotmumtobe]

And if it was worth it for you?

I am a first time mum and getting more apprehensive about labour. I'm wondering if a doula would help with this as I would feel more comfortable knowing I had an advocate if I needed one and knowing that I'll get 1:1 support throughout. However, I've done some research of local doulas today and they all seem very homeopathy / aromatherapy / yoga / reiki focussed which is great if that is your thing but it is definitely not my thing at all and would make me feel more uncomfortable (I appreciate there are lots of different doulas and am hoping I'll find someone more my style). I'm also wondering if, when it comes to it, I actually won't like having someone else in the room and DH and I will want some privacy. I'm wondering if I'd be able to hire a doula who would be happy to come in if needed and happy to wait elsewhere if not. Is this a thing? Keen to know everyone's experiences!

I’ve got a doula but only for birth preparation and post birth help. I don’t personally want her there with me during the birth, which she was fine with.
A friend recommended having a Doula to me and at first I thought it was a bit ‘hippie’ as I’m not really into a lot of things you mentioned too.

After a lot of research I found a lovely lady, she actually calls herself a birth consultant. She’s very straight talking and matter of fact which is exactly what I wanted. She’s been amazing at getting us prepared for birth and having a newborn as well as having a supportive person on the ‘outside’ to talk to. She’s also coming over in the early days to help support me with breastfeeding and anything else we need.

I’d recommend speaking to as many as you can and only going ahead with someone you feel is providing exactly what you’re looking for. I definitely wouldn’t have gone for one I didn’t feel comfortable with as it defeats the object of it really.

I had a doula, and she was amazing. The best thing for me was that she was totally focussed on me and looking after what I needed when I was having a stressy pre term labour where I had to be monitored all the time and stay on the bed. DH was there but I don't think he would have rubbed my back for hours or known how I could move to help the back to back pain. And when ds was born and whisked to SCBU, she made me tea, helped me get cleaned up and generally cared for me.

@Northtosouth your doula sounds exactly like what I'm looking for - some additional matter of fact support without any 'hippy' extras! I've yet to find anything hugely similar in my preliminary search for my area but will keep looking. There are so many uncertainties around birth (obviously!) and it's so hard to know what I will actually want when the time comes ..

She sounds lovely! My DH is wonderful but unsurprisingly doesn't have much knowledge of labour () so having someone who understands what is going on and how to help would be great. Can I ask, did you feel your midwives minded having someone extra there? Not that it should really matter I guess.

I'm a midwife so not really sure if you want my opinion.

They tend to have more of a role at homebirths in my opinion. I can only go off what I've seen.

In my experience doulas at hospital births don't do very much. I've worked with probably 10 doulas in the hospital and they've all been nice enough but I'm not really sure they did anything. They didn't support the woman, they didn't say or do very much at all. Maybe they just weren't very good doulas though!?

The doulas I've worked alongside at homebirths have been much better. They gave the women great support, they were a verbal and physical presence in the room. They knew the woman's birth preferences well. They offered helpful suggestions and did additional things like aromatherapy.

You get 1:1 care from a midwife throughout labour. The midwife is your advocate. Can you tell me more what you feel you'd need a doula for?

See this would be wonderful! She sounds great.
I've just never experienced one like this before!

I'm delighted to have a midwife opinion - thank you so much for replying.
I'm definitely not wanting a home birth so am interested to hear of your experiences and will definitely take those on board. Without boring you too much, I had a recent stay in hospital where I realised I'm really not good at advocating for myself and just wanted to do what I thought the healthcare professionals wanted me to do if that makes sense - so I'm not worried about midwives not listening but more worried I won't be able to adequately explain myself or just will immediately defer to whatever is suggested. I hope that makes sense! I'm also if honest worried about the NHS generally and short staffing and not having someone there immediately if needed (although I do appreciate a doula isn't medically trained so maybe this wouldn't make a difference anyway?)

I wish I had a doula in my first hospital birth. Someone to hold my space and transfer the questions from healthcare professionals to me and let me answer properly.
I am sorry but I don't agree with the PP midwife poster about midwives being your advocate. I have never experienced midwives listening or advocating for me except the designated home birth midwives.

I think if you are after an advocate for you and someone to help you communicate your wishes then a good doula would certainly help. But chat to multiple to find a good one.

I had a doula for my hospital birth (first baby) and she was amazing. She was able to suggest things that might help in the moment like changing position, pressure on my lower back, tens machine etc. she reminded me to drink water and have the occasional bite to eat. She held the sick bowl. She scooped up the nugget of poo that my husband was just standing there staring at on the bed 🤣 all of this was done while there was no midwife in the room so I have to say I disagree with the previous poster (who is a midwife). I was basically left to my own devices for the majority of my labour (which was an induction). Having the doula definitely made a huge difference to me. I am pregnant again now and will again have a doula. I've told my husband that if we end up transferring to hospital this time (because I'm planning a homebirth), if we can't get childcare for our preschooler that I won't be upset that the doula will come with me, while he stays home with our preschooler.

And when I say I was left to my own devices, I was labouring for about 6 hours, 3 of which were very intense, before the doula arrived. And there was still no midwife.

I wouldn’t have got the (hospital) water birth I wanted if my doula hadn’t advocated on my behalf, so she was definitely worth having!

I wouldn't bother personally, the midwives who will be with you are Awsome and only want the best for you and baby.

I had a doula and she was lovely. I think it’s very important to meet with a few and only go with one you click with.

I had a very long labour and she supported my husband in knowing how best to support me, gave me advice on comfort measures like different positions, provided refreshments for us both, provided factual non biased information about birth choices and generally cared for me so well. I wouldn’t give birth again without a doula to be honest. She really helped my husband be a fantastic birth partner.

it’s quite common in most cultures to have another woman experienced in birth to support you.

@AHobbyaweek @acuppatea being left alone a lot is my fear. I'm worried that the amount of midwife involvement I will be deemed to need will differ wildly from how much support I think I need / want...

If you can afford one, I don't think you'll regret it

Thanks, I think you're right. I just need to see if I can find one who fits my brief and reassure myself that my midwife won't judge me for it! I've sent out a few emails to local doulas today so will see where that goes

Those who are saying don't bother your midwife will advocate for you -
Your midwife surely isn't available in the same way a doula is? And for pre and post natal care ? And so answer the phone or come round in the middle of the night ?

Maybe find a doula that's confident in hospital settings then. Because I find they just don't feel comfortable in the hospital and fade into the background and you don't get much benefit from them being there.

Or change your mindset. You are in charge of your own care. Well that's a lie, your baby is really the only one in charge! They are the boss and we can't control what they do.

Anything offered to you is just that, an offer. You can always decline or ask what other options there are.

For example if you're offered to have your waters broken for you, you can ask what are the risks, what are the benefits, could you wait a little longer and see what happens, are there any risks to waiting? Ask, ask, ask! So you understand what is happening and why... and then you can make your own informed decision.

Yes staffing is awful at the minute but labour care is 1:1, there's no getting around that.

Maybe you could request a student midwife be with you as well if you feel you'd like a little extra support? There might not be any available but it's worth an ask.

@saxendaqs cackling at the idea of a midwife advocating for anyone 😂 Mine kept leaving the room when I was at the pushing stage, not that she did anything when she was there anyway.

@scotmumtobe I’m considering private midwives this time but I think a doula is a good halfway house if you can’t afford private (and I fully appreciate both are way out of pocket for most people). But if you can, a doula is cheaper than therapy.

@Byouarebeautiful sounds like you had a bad experience there. That would be unheard of at my trust.

A huge part of the role of the midwife is to advocate for the women we care for.

I didn't have a doula, for a variety of reasons I only wanted DP there at the births of my children.

I have to say, as much as I think midwives like @saxendaqs do a fantastic, and I imagine extremely stressful, job, I have to agree with other posters in that they can't always be counted on to advocate for you. With both of ours, DP was leaving the room often to track down a midwife to ask for pain relief, leaving me quite scared and alone, but preferring that instead of being in pain with no medication! During labour with my first, I remember tearfully telling a poor cleaner who came in for the lunch dishes that I felt the need to push and couldn't stop myself, and I heard the poor woman literally bolt down that corridor, looking for the midwife.

Midwives are so overstretched, if you feel you won't be able to advocate for yourself and won't have someone with you who will, a doula may be a wise choice.

You can meet your doula before the birth. You can't meet the midwife before the birth as you don't know who will be working at the time.

It seems like a good idea.

I got an independent midwife 8 months in after feeling totally let down by the NHS. I found the NHS an awful experience from start to finish where no one seemed the slightest bit interested in my pregnancy or me as an individual, they just wanted to tick the boxes and move on as quickly as they could.

The independent midwife was absolutely amazing, totally the opposite experience, it's expensive but I honestly couldn't recommend it highly enough.

This is definitely something on my mind. I am sure the midwife will be lovely, based on the fact all the ones I have met so far are. However, it would definitely be reassuring to have a familiar face who already knows my wants present.

I had a doula for both of mine.

You will essentially interview each other before a doula will take you on as a client, they want to make sure they mesh well with you first.

I also disagree with the midwife who posted higher up, sorry but I did not have good 1:1 care from a midwife with my first child, she buggered off most of the time and did not inform us about concerns with the CTG recording so it was a sudden shock when a Dr appeared saying they were concerned I might need an emcs due to the readings on the CTG that had started happening an hour ago and that we had no clue about. When I got moved to consultant led I thankfully got a new Senior midwife and he was fantastic and was present pretty much present the whole time for me. So, definitely no guarantee you will have a midwife present for you constantly, nor that they will communicate well with you.

In the above situation we were able to ask for a few minutes to discuss and during that time my doula was invaluable, she was able to give us more information from her knowledge and as a result we asked for further investigation instead of agreeing to an emca straight away (waters breaking and blood sample from baby) and in this way an unnecessary emcs was avoided.

My doula also was able to tell me about the Bishop score exam that can be done, when my consultant wanted to induce me at 38 weeks, and due to knowing about that and asking for one and being given a very low score, we decided against inducing that early (the lower the score the more likely a c section will be needed, he came naturally at 41+2 instead, I did go in for induction at 40+6 but was low priority so he came by himself before a bed in the labour ward was found for me).

Doulas will not advocate for you as such, they are not midwife nor medical professionals, so they cannot advise you on what course of action to take but they can help you understand your options and be a calming presence for both you and your partner. They are a fount of labour related knowledge. My first birth wasn't the best experience, but my husband was able to remain a bit calmer because he could see that my doula was not panicking, so a doula can be just as much support for your partner as they are for you.

They can help prepare you prior to labour, talk through any worries you may have, help you come up with birth preferences, discuss pain relief options and what you can do in the labour room to help you feel more relaxed and more in control (music, soft lighting, aromatherapy etc).

I forgot to take some frozen colostrum with me when we went in to have my first, so after he was born my doula kindly popped back to ours and fetched some for us.

My second doula was also amazing, with my second my husband couldn't be with me, partly due to limitations with covid and partly as he was the best option we had to stay home with our eldest. She gave me a lower back massage while I laboured, kept me company and chatted with me (I actually had her, the midwife and a student midwife with me for that one, but it was in a different country with amazing health care and they (the midwives) offered soft lights, music and aromatherapy oils to me themselves). She went and fetched me some food from what was left for patients after I had given birth and me and baby were sorted out. She also helped me book a taxi and met me at the hospital to help me and baby home after we were discharged.

Both doulas did after birth visits/debriefs with us as part of the packages we chose. We didn't feel we needed after birth doula care, both times we were more concerned about being prepared beforehand and having a doula present during the birth. I believe I have read somewhere that having a doula present during the birth reduces the likelihood of needing lots of interventions? Someone correct me if I am wrong.

If I had another (we are stopping at 2) I would absolutely be looking to hire another doula again.