To ask your experiences of having a doula?

[scotmumtobe]

And if it was worth it for you?

I am a first time mum and getting more apprehensive about labour. I'm wondering if a doula would help with this as I would feel more comfortable knowing I had an advocate if I needed one and knowing that I'll get 1:1 support throughout. However, I've done some research of local doulas today and they all seem very homeopathy / aromatherapy / yoga / reiki focussed which is great if that is your thing but it is definitely not my thing at all and would make me feel more uncomfortable (I appreciate there are lots of different doulas and am hoping I'll find someone more my style). I'm also wondering if, when it comes to it, I actually won't like having someone else in the room and DH and I will want some privacy. I'm wondering if I'd be able to hire a doula who would be happy to come in if needed and happy to wait elsewhere if not. Is this a thing? Keen to know everyone's experiences!

My midwife has told me six things so far, five of which have proved to be incorrect.

I wouldn't have her advocate my order in Greggs, let alone help out with birth.

Also, this isn’t true. You can ask what you like but they won’t answer. They’ll just blithely ignore you, make a simpering noise and repeat what they’re going to do with no explanation and no indication that they’re going to get your consent.

Get a doula!!

I had a doula for 2nd dd after traumatic birth with 1st dd. Was done on advice of consultant as had huge anxiety about the birth. Would NEVER have thought it was for me but was absolutely the best choice I made. Hugely supportive, not at all intrusive and an absolute godsend before, during and after. Honestly couldn't recommend highly enough.

Op, if you do get the doula I'd really love for you to come back and tell us all about it. It would be a great insight for others wondering the same in the future. And also I'm a bit nosey and a sucker for a birth story.

If you remember of course! Best wishes.

Thanks @saxendaqs - I will try to remember! Really grateful for your insight. I've arranged to contact a few potential doulas but will also chat with my midwife first about my specific fears to see if she can reassure me. I love your idea of having a student midwife present (the ones I've had in my appointments so far have all been amazing ) but obviously cannot bank on this.

What do doulas do wrt advocating, especially in a situation where as some posters are saying, midwives don't listen?

@saxendaqs I would also say that your trust is rare. My last birth I was in for under 6 hours until I had given birth, I saw a midwife for little over an hour spread out across that entire time. And half an hour of it was ARM and the delivery. I couldn't get pain relief for a considerable amount of time, she took all my stuff away and said I wasn't allowed off the bed because the CTG was doing the monitoring (in her absence), and they left me alone knowing I would have a PPH after the birth. Sadly I know in my trust this is quite common. I was completely alone as I didn't even have a birth partner.
I trained as a Doula. But Covid hit just as I finished training and I then was having my own children after covid. I made sure I trained as one that wasn't into all the extra stuff though. My aim was always to be there as an advocate for the birthing woman and ensure she is listened to and knows her choices and feels comfortable at all times. But with facts rather than anything else.

I'd have a doula for homebirth/early labour my dh was shit in the latent labour phase. Midwives kept fobbing me off saying I wasn't in labour on the phone. I really could have done with an advocate. I arrived at hospital 10cm dilated and DD was born 30 mins later no pain relief nothing. Scary experience I should have just opted for a homebirth.

I had a doula for my second because I wanted some back up in case DH couldn't be there and had to be with DS1 and also because my birth with DS1 involved basically being totally left alone for hours to labour.

In the end, I had a fabulous midwife with me 1:1 throughout and although my doula was also good and would likely have been great at the birth of DS1, I actually didn't feel like I needed anyone other than the midwife. Even DH pissed me off!

Doula is not medically trained. They are there to advocate your needs which seems to be excellent within your home setting but when they arrive at hospitals they seem to just do as their told, keep quiet because it's not their speciality.
Nhs midwives are registered midwives who are bound by policy. They know how to get a baby out, risks involved and use evidence based practice to do so. But the bound by policy bit means your wants and needs come second to the trust policies in place.
Dual trained midwives are health professionals trained in one field such as nursing and then retrained in midwifery. They understand your body and how it is supposed to work before pregnancy and also labour. There's very few of these around.

Hi all,

could I ask how your experiences were with your doulas in the lead up to the birth? How much contact/ support you had and from what stage of your pregnancy?

Thanks! X

I didn’t have a doula as couldn’t afford one, but I absolutely would.
I’ve had 3 nhs births and though my community midwife was fantastic, the hospital ones were not as good. They were very pleasant and supportive but during each labour they would leave several times for quite long stretches of time- certainly not 1:1 support

https://greatermanchesterdoulas.com/

hey, I know this thread is old but I just thought if someone stumbles across this thread it'd be helpful. These doulas are lovely, really supportive, offer virtual support too for when you don't feel up to people coming to the house. They are super supportive and always have your best interests at heart!

OP, did you get the doula?

@scotmumtobe

@bluesheetsq I did! I found a lovely woman who was an ex-midwife. She was exactly what I wanted and made me feel so much more supported and confident. I didn't actually end up requiring her for the birth (c-section) but the pre- and post- natal support was invaluable.

Sister in law is a midwife (busy, city hospital) and usually there are 4 midwifes looking after up to 20 ladies. I'm sure they are all doing their best but can't imagine they have much time for talking things through etc

What do you want support with exactly? As you will have a midwife 1:1 when you are pushing, if it hurts too much before that call them and get pain relief :)

I had a doula for both of my hospital births and she was amazing. She not only looked after me but also heavily advocated for me with the hospital staff so I got exactly the birth I wanted.