Husband sulking at the coronation

[NapoliTutti]

so i’m not a huge royalist but I’m really into history and this is a historic day. I said to my husband a couple of weeks ago, I know you’re not into it so would you mind watching/occupying the kids while I watch it.
He’s got up this morning and said I’ve changed my mind I’m going to help my brother today, all day. I basically told him no chance, help him any other day but I want a few hours to watch the coronation uninterrupted. Cue him stropping around the house, snapping at me and the kids, not going out with them til 1pm and moaning its a waste of everyones time.
I very rarely ask him to look after the kids for a few hours, whereas he springs that stuff on me most weekends without notice. Its REALLY annoyed me. He’s usually a good if grumpy at times partner and dad. So am I bring unreasonable or is he acting like a total bloody arse?!

What exactly is good about a partner/dad who just decides on a whim at the last minute that he doesn't want to do those roles.....??

When he springs things on you last minute does he check that you're able to have the DC or does he just expect you to?

You need to start springing things on him at the last minute every weekend.

Bottom line, he does not see you as his equal. He considers it as ok if he goes off for most of the day, leaving you to entertain the kids. But you are not allowed to do the same and on the rare occasion where you ask him to spend the morning entertaining the kids so you can do something on your own, he tries to leave so he can get YET ANOTHER day doing his own thing, and force you to take care of the kids on your own AGAIN.

Just another example of a man treating his wife like an appliance instead of a person. What does and appliance do? It serves your needs and desires. No consideration is given for the needs or desires of an appliance because an object does not have those things.

What's 'good' about a father that needs to be asked to look after his children?

That's really disrespectful of him. The fact it's the coronation is completely irrelevant.

You asked him for a few hours to be able to concentrate on an interest of yours. He AGREED. Then he flippantly backtracks on the day when it's too late to organise anything else. Then blames YOU for him having to commit to what he agreed.

Does he really think he's being reasonable?

Aren't humans strange creatures. MN really highlights how annoying/unreasonable most people are.

Book into a hotel and watch it on catch up. Spring that on him

Threads like yours Op make me so so so happy I’m a single mother (although I generally am anyway!).

No tension, no stroppy adults

just me and my two children having a chilled out bank holiday weekend

Men do not 'look after' or 'occupy' their own children. If he was 'helping his brother', whatever the f that means, you would have the children all day, being the sole parent. Can't he see the equivalence here? It's far from any sane person's definition of a 'good dad.'

So he gets to go out whnever he pleases with no notice and you have to book it in

how is that a good man

reply: Apology accepted. It’s clear to me that I need to take more time out for me so you get used to parenting your children on the weekend. You regularly head out doing your own thing and I don’t pull this act, it’s been very unfair to me and you’ll get much more practice supporting me to do my own thing this summer.

He's sulking because you wanted a bit of time to yourself, the reason is not important. I bet you don't quiz him about why he needs time to himself etc.

What was he going to help his brother with? Perhaps he felt that was more important than watching TV? As he's clearly not interested in the coronation, that may be what's going on in his head.

Yes, as its important to you and you had asked beforehand he should have respected that.

I totally and utterly disagree with the coronation, the royal family, the whole lot of them.
But the fact it's the coronation is not relevant. As others have said, you wanted to watch and you had an agreement. Your husband should have respected that agreement and your wishes. And treat you with more respect.

Sounds like an abusive cunt. LTB.

Controlling narc playbook 101. Apologised when it’s too late and your day is fucked. A normal human wouldn’t have done this in the first place. Time for a rethink.

He clearly needs more practise at child wrangling. You need a new agreement, that you split the weekends into you, him and both parenting.

As he gets better he will enjoy it more.

Well, that's progress. You probably need a conversation about how he is going to avoid behaving that way again.

The problem with his 'apology' is that he had to make one in the first place! As far as I'm concerned promising something then blowing that promise off, being 'called' on it, then stropping around followed by an apology is just as wrong as stropping followed by no apology. Especially if it involves having been asked to 'help' a spouse out, be it watching the DC or cleaning an oven.

I really, really hate people who think it's OK to strop, shout, or berate as long as they apologize for it afterwards. As if that makes it OK. As if that makes their victim forget their ugly words. That's treating the other person like a whipping boy and is wrong, often to an abusive level.

And oftentimes, it's done when they promised to do something they really didn't want to do in the first place. So rather than using calm words at the time of the 'ask' to try to reach a compromise or just plain saying 'no, that doesn't work for me' they strop or shout at the time the 'favour' needs doing, upsetting the 'asker' and usually with the intention of making the 'asker' never want to ask for a favour again.

You say he's 'grumpy at times'. I think you need to take a look at exactly when he gets grumpy and how often that grumpiness impacts on you directly, especially when it comes to helping you out or facilitating you doing something you enjoy without the children.

Go out ,is what I would of done and found a friend or somewhere to watch it in peace

So he's a lazy avoidant partner and father who has a strop at you even once asking him to mind his children.

What a complete loser.

His apology means nothing.

He's a selfish loser and you deserve better.

This is nothing to do with the Coronation, he’s just a shit parent.

You are allowed to do whatever you want to do in your own time without the DC. He does not have to agree with your choices.

And he’s obviously a shit partner/Husband, as well as a shit parent.

I would struggle to forgive this.

It’s beyond shellfish and a total overreaction.

If I was you I would be thinking how much parenting he actually does or if it just tends to fall on you.

I would also be thinking how equal this relationship is and if his needs are put above yours.

I'm glad he has apologised.

You say he's usually a good dad, but also that you rarely ask him to look after the kids for a few hours. Why is that?

It's clear that he sees parenting as your job not his equal responsibility. Not sure where to go from here. You are where you are, he's clearly not pulling his weight with his kids and you're allowing it. 😑get tough or put up with this scenario.