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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect DD2's godparents to remember her birthday?

29 replies

LittleMissTickles · 17/02/2008 22:29

I'm not talking about presents etc, just a phone call or card???? Did you all chose fantastically involved godparents?

OP posts:
2shoesisabirdkiller · 17/02/2008 22:31

no
crap ones
I wish you could un godparent people lol

hana · 17/02/2008 22:32

maybe they're just late or have been busy?
I can't get stressed about these things as I forget myself sometimes. good intentions and all of that, but yabu

lazarou · 17/02/2008 22:33

Ours don't have any. Mind you, I can't even remember who mine are

Original poster
LittleMissTickles · 17/02/2008 22:33

They have been very busy, you are right. Still disappointed though.

OP posts:
procrastinatingparent · 17/02/2008 22:36

Gently remind them by sending them a recent photo: 'I thought you'd like a new picture of her now she's X years old'. If they don't take the hint, you can't do much about it other than ask some other friends or family to be 'extra' godparents (my DH and his siblings seemed to acquire loads of extra godparents over the years ...!).

BurpyErnie · 17/02/2008 22:40

It's my dd's birthday today... As for my dds god parents only the female ones have brought presents. One of the males have sent a text. the other one... well he's in trouble when I see him...

Aero · 17/02/2008 22:48

Aww - we've just spent the afternoon at our God-daughter's 1st birthday celebration.

I think we're all human and despite wanting to be great gps, it is easy to have these occasions pass by if one is particularly busy, or stressed in ones own family life. I do make a conscious effort to remember both my gd's birthdays and so far, haven't forgotten (other gd is almost 8), but I wouldn't put it past myself to make this mistake. I've forgotten other people's birthdays who are close to me. I don't mean to, life just gets in the way sometimes, but I do send belated wishes when I remember and a present if appropriate.

KelaS · 17/02/2008 22:57

One of my godfathers is awful at remembering birthday's, but if it is any help, it hasn't spoilt my relationship with him at all.

Original poster
LittleMissTickles · 18/02/2008 17:57

we moved from England just before she was born 2 years ago, and they still live there. They have never met her, and have missed both her birthdays - I just feel so sad about it as I know they would love her if they knew her. We are coming over for a visit in a couple of months' time. Can I discuss this with them, or are these things better left unsaid?

OP posts:
ULoveYSEES · 18/02/2008 17:59

I wouldn't discuss it but it's up to you.

HuwEdwards · 18/02/2008 18:00

No, leave it, you can't force them to be involved, it will just cause ill-feeling.

Original poster
LittleMissTickles · 18/02/2008 18:06

Of course all of you are right. sigh. ok, I'll let it go. (goes off to try and become laid-back overnight)

OP posts:
bitofadramaqueen · 18/02/2008 18:07

I'm a bit confused about how they are godparents if they have never met her?

My DH is an amazing godparent to two kids, but their parents also actively involve him in their lives so that helps.

I dont think you can really discuss them not buying a present. You could use the visit as an opportunity to discuss how you'd like to involve them in her life more though.

Lots of people have duff godparents though.

bitofadramaqueen · 18/02/2008 18:07

there not their

Original poster
LittleMissTickles · 18/02/2008 18:13

We are only out of country on 3 year assignment bitofadramaqueen, and DD1's godparents have continued to make an effort with/for her - eg send notes, phonecalls on skype etc. We send both sets of godparents regular updates, photographs, cards etc.

OP posts:
VictorianSqualor · 18/02/2008 18:14

Surely if they havent met her they arent Godparents, just peopel you have asked to be Godparents so they havent really done anything wrong?

TheFallenMadonna · 18/02/2008 18:17

You can become a godparent in absentia. DD's godfather nearly had to do this as he was ill, but fortunately recovered in time, so no stand-in required.

Original poster
LittleMissTickles · 18/02/2008 18:18

No, they definitely haven't done anything wrong. They were invited to her christening but could not come. Can godparents not be godparents if they did not attend [slightly panicy emoticon]? I just had clearly very naive hopes of them being really interested in everything she does etc. They really love children, but do not have their own yet.

OP posts:
VictorianSqualor · 18/02/2008 18:21

I have no idea LMT!
FWIW, My DD's Godmother is a wonderful person, and when we lived close she played a big part in DD's life, but now I've moved away it's much harder for her, and when it isn;t your own child dates and things can go completely out of the window, no matter how much you care.

themildmanneredjanitor · 18/02/2008 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bitofadramaqueen · 18/02/2008 18:23

That's why I was confused - godparents are normally at the christening. I've just never come accross the idea of godparents who weren't at the christening. Who did the 'godparent bit' at the christening?

BTW, I wasn't trying to suggest that you hadn't made any effort to keep them in the loop, so sorry if that was how it came accross .

Maybe once they've met her they might be a bit different?

Original poster
LittleMissTickles · 18/02/2008 18:33

We sent them the vows and they signed and returned them, and we had proxy's who answered on behalf of them (mutual friends) and then we sent them the video. Of course now that I am recounting all of this it does sound somewhat crazy. Maybe we should have a dedication or something similar back in the UK?

OP posts:
milkmoustache · 18/02/2008 18:35

DD doesn't have any godparents, but I think if we had chosen too, we really would have tried to choose somebody who could realistically have regular contact with her, so they didn't just dutifully do stuff at birthdays but were part of her life too. ( And I do realise that people's plans change, they move away etc).

TheFallenMadonna · 18/02/2008 18:36

It's not crazy at all. You wanted them to be godparents (which is a longterm thing, not just about the actual baptism service) and they agreed. They couldn't make the service but made the vows. They are her godparents.

posieflump · 18/02/2008 18:37

I don't understand why you would want godparents in absentia.
I thought the idea was that they would be around to spiritual nurture your children as they grow up.
Not send a present once a year from overseas which is what you seem to expect.