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Original poster

Am I wrong to be disappointed

40 replies

Marzipananne · 05/05/2023 22:20

Son had a few friends round for his birthday today. One of them leapt hard onto the chair then rocked in it and fell back into the coffee table. The chair back bar cracked in two places. I didn't shout at him or tell him off. I asked if he was ok (he is) and I took it in the other room and tried not to weep because the table and chairs are new. I had a broken table for ages before affording this set.

I told the mum what happened. She hasn't offered to pay.

Am I wrong to be annoyed. I don't want to make a big deal out of it but I would offer. I'm just so upset.

I have so many other bigger family and health worries right now so I'm trying not to let it get me down but am I being unreasonable to be disappointed.

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 05/05/2023 22:22

well, it happened while he was under your supervision so not really the mums fault, and maybe she cant afford it anyway. It is upsetting, but you cant have children in your home and expect nothing to ever get broken

turnthetoiletpaperroundproperly · 05/05/2023 22:24

I would be livid by the kids carelessness and stupidity, then I would have a coffee and get the household insurance forms out and file a claim,

TomatoSandwiches · 05/05/2023 22:25

How old is he?

I would explain to his parents about it being brand new and request half the costings to fix it.
I would have been mortified my child had misbehaved and offered then and there, she was a bit rude not to imo.

Original poster
Marzipananne · 05/05/2023 22:26

Without going in to details, there is no doubt she can afford it.

I wouldn't expect a child to leap on a chair (which skidded it) and then rock it about. He is 10.

OP posts:
JazbayGrapes · 05/05/2023 22:27

can't it be fixed?

Original poster
Marzipananne · 05/05/2023 22:28

I think I probably would have said no or agreed to go halves if she offered.

But she didn't.

OP posts:
SquareRootOfAllEvil · 05/05/2023 22:29

Depending on how much the chair cost, would your contents insurance cover a new one?

I do think the boy’s parents should pay, though, as he should have known better (and if I was his mother, I’d be paying the OP and then getting him to pay me back with pocket money / chores)

Original poster
Marzipananne · 05/05/2023 22:30

I'll look into insurance that's a good idea. I hadn't thought of that despite paying a fortune each year!

If we can get a matching piece of wood it could be fixed. That is also a good idea.

Thank you.

I'm a bit of a mess lately because of severe family illness so I'm not thinking as straight as I should. Thank you ladies.

OP posts:
Jobhuntings · 05/05/2023 22:31

I think she should have offered, and I'd feel the same, OP.

autienotnaughtym · 05/05/2023 22:38

I'd be upset and yes she should have offered.

AtChoService · 05/05/2023 22:40

Nimbostratus100 · 05/05/2023 22:22

well, it happened while he was under your supervision so not really the mums fault, and maybe she cant afford it anyway. It is upsetting, but you cant have children in your home and expect nothing to ever get broken

Wtf have I just read. It is her fault for not bringing her kid up better. She should teach him to behave properly in someone else's house.

JagerbombsUnite · 05/05/2023 22:42

YANBU. 10 is old enough to not jump onto things. It wasn't an accident like, say like him tripping into it.
I'd have no qualms about asking her to pay. Being nice gets you nowhere.

Blondewithredlips · 05/05/2023 22:46

She is well off for a reason. Some of the wealthiest people I know will not part with their money. She should pay. I am so sorry this happened.

JudgeRudy · 05/05/2023 22:54

Marzipananne · 05/05/2023 22:26

Without going in to details, there is no doubt she can afford it.

I wouldn't expect a child to leap on a chair (which skidded it) and then rock it about. He is 10.

I think the time for action has passed. If you believe he was fooling around /being careless then it wasn't really an accident was it. I'd have told him off and that wouldn't been the end of the 'playdate'. I'd have then rang his parents and vouced my expectations.
If I thought it was an honest accident, which could have happened to anyone, I'd have checked he was OK, tieded up then just carried on.

Original poster
Marzipananne · 05/05/2023 22:57

Checked the insurance and it wouldn't be worth it because of the excess. It was a good idea though thank you

I'd feel a lot differently if it was a four year old but junior school age should know better. My own kids do.

The boy gets the run of the house at home. My son always tells me a bit jealous like. He can do what he wants etc. I feel a bit bad because he's a nice kid and didn't know not to treat a chair that way. But he should have known that's the thing I think. I had to reign him in over a few other things that nearly caused damage to sofa etc bit I just couldn't get there quick enough with the chair.

OP posts:
Original poster
Marzipananne · 05/05/2023 23:02

JudgeRudy · 05/05/2023 22:54

I think the time for action has passed. If you believe he was fooling around /being careless then it wasn't really an accident was it. I'd have told him off and that wouldn't been the end of the 'playdate'. I'd have then rang his parents and vouced my expectations.
If I thought it was an honest accident, which could have happened to anyone, I'd have checked he was OK, tieded up then just carried on.

Show quote history

It was my son's birthday party. Bit harsh to cut it short I feel

It was an accident but it was caused by a kid mistreating furniture and not knowing how to behave. I struggled to know what action to take in the midst of a birthday party.

OP posts:
JagerbombsUnite · 05/05/2023 23:03

Marzipananne · 05/05/2023 23:02

It was my son's birthday party. Bit harsh to cut it short I feel

It was an accident but it was caused by a kid mistreating furniture and not knowing how to behave. I struggled to know what action to take in the midst of a birthday party.

Show quote history

That's not an accident, it's a perfectly foreseable consequence.!

Kitcaterpillar · 05/05/2023 23:06

JagerbombsUnite · 05/05/2023 23:03

That's not an accident, it's a perfectly foreseable consequence.!

Show quote history

Yes, giddy 10 year olds are famous for their sensible foresight.

Ditto people saying the mum hasn't taught her child how to behave. There's every chance he's a perfectly nice child who lost his head in the excitement of it all.

JagerbombsUnite · 05/05/2023 23:17

Kitcaterpillar · 05/05/2023 23:06

Yes, giddy 10 year olds are famous for their sensible foresight.

Ditto people saying the mum hasn't taught her child how to behave. There's every chance he's a perfectly nice child who lost his head in the excitement of it all.

Show quote history

What excitement? The others kids weren't doing the same for him to join in. If they knew not to do it, so should he.

Momentary lapses of judgement from kids are fine. But this wasn't a one off. The OP had to stop him multiple times from doing things that could have caused damage, she just wasn't quick enough for this one!

Add to her saying he has the 'run of the house'... this is clearly bad parenting.

It's not like someone excitedly talking and sweeping a mug off the table with a gesture - THAT's a genuine accident.

If you can teach your child not to do dangerous things, like touch a hot kettle you can teach them not to damage furniture. Special needs excepted.

Original poster
Marzipananne · 05/05/2023 23:25

He was supposed to be sitting down and eating but two of them got up after two bites ran around the table then he jumped back down on his chair. I know parties are exciting but they were eating not playing games.

OP posts:
OliveWah · 05/05/2023 23:27

If it's fairly new, could you contact the shop where you bought it and see if they have any spare chairs? Perhaps ex-display where you could just remove the broken part to use, if the display chairs are otherwise worn? Or they might have spares where a set has been delivered but the table was broken etc. Could be worth an ask. Whatever you decide to do, if the solution costs money, I would certainly ask the boy's parents to contribute half the cost - I agree that at 10, he should have known better.

Kitcaterpillar · 05/05/2023 23:29

Ok, children don't find birthday parties exciting.

Mumsnet ever a source of entirely news to me.

craftybeee · 05/05/2023 23:29

What a little shit! Ask the mum to pay. I can't stand kids misbehaving at mine, and my kid knows to behave at other peoples. 10 is old enough to respect someone else's home & belongings.
Sorry this has happened OP.

MaJoady · 05/05/2023 23:35

At 10, I'd be asking his mum to pay. 6 perhaps not.

Text her and say, "The chair x broke was brand new, so I've looked up the cost for a single replacement chair and it will be £xx. Please can you transfer me the money? Bank details are yyy. Thanks!"

hopsalong · 05/05/2023 23:37

You can't ask. If an adult came over to my house, as my guest, and did something stupid and broke one of my things I would hope they might offer to pay... but I would never ask.

If you can't afford to replace broken things, either because you're skint or because they're very valuable, then I don't think you can afford to host large parties. You take on the risk of this sort of thing when you invite the guests.

If I were the other mum and you asked me then I would obviously pay up. But if it wasn't mentioned immediately then I might suspect you were tapping me for cash.

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