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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents at preschool parties - who pays?

41 replies

LabLabrador · 05/05/2023 21:00

I'm not from the UK so I am not sure on party etiquette...

If your DC is invited to a preschool party (3-5 year olds so not drop and go) at a venue that charges admission would you expect the host to pay for both parent and child or just the child?

I have no idea so I guess that means technically I can't be unreasonable 😂but for the sake of voting:

YABU - the host pays for PARENT and CHILD

YANBU - the host pays for just the CHILDREN ONLY

I know lots of people will probably say they would pay if they were the host but wouldn't assume the host is paying if they were the guest 😂So, if you could just vote for what you would expect as a guest, that would be helpful!

OP posts:
Turnthelightoff · 05/05/2023 21:04

I think places that usually charge for an adult too eg soft play have different rules for organised parties. Do you know that you’ll have to pay or just assuming you will because of how the place works on individual visits?

Okunevo · 05/05/2023 21:04

One parent and the invited child. Any additional adults or children pay for themselves. I'd expect to get my own drink if I wanted one.

Hugasauras · 05/05/2023 21:05

I would expect to cover all costs of entry if I was holding it (I don't think people should have to pay to attend a party), but I've never been to a party at a venue where adults were charged anyway. I'd think if the venue offered party packages this would all be taken care of within that.

Hugasauras · 05/05/2023 21:06

Eg. soft play parties you (the organiser) pay per head of children attending, adults aren't charged for (at any of the many soft play parties we have been to/held).

Shinyandnew1 · 05/05/2023 21:06

The party parent would cover the entry costs. Parents don’t normally incur any sort of charge at parties.

RoseGoldEagle · 05/05/2023 21:07

I would expect one parent and the invited child to have been paid for (most parties include one parent per child anyway). I don’t think you can have a party and then expect that people will have to pay when they arrive. I would expect to buy myself a drink or food if I wanted that.

Applequash · 05/05/2023 21:07

Only the children, if you can’t let your kid go to a party without lingering around that’s on you imo.

ApplePie20 · 05/05/2023 21:08

As a guest, I’d be surprised if DS was invited to a birthday party at a standard location (eg soft play/small world centre/church hall) and I was expected to pay for my own entry. I wouldn’t RSVP a no, but normally party packages include entry for a child and an adult.

MelchiorsMistress · 05/05/2023 21:08

If you need parents to stay, which I assume you do for pre schoolers, then you need to pay for them.

Hankunamatata · 05/05/2023 21:09

Parent and child. But cf to invite 3 year old and not pay for adult who has to attend too

Original poster
LabLabrador · 05/05/2023 21:11

The party package only includes 2 adult tickets, plus admission and food for the children. Any additional parents are charged full price admission even though it isn't a venue of any interest to adults.

It's a bit of a weird policy but there isn't really anywhere else around here so they have the monopoly. Unfortunately, we can't have the party at home, which is what people usually do.

OP posts:
Reugny · 05/05/2023 21:12

You pay for one parent and one child.

If the other parent and any other children turn up uninvited they need to pay for themselves this includes paying for their own food.

What a few of my friends have learnt to do is ensure that there is food for each invited child only.

NerrSnerr · 05/05/2023 21:13

I think you'd need to pay for one adult with a preschool child. Might be worth doing the party at a soft play or somewhere where parents will be free for the party and leave this one until children are old enough to be left.

Reugny · 05/05/2023 21:13

The party package only includes 2 adult tickets, plus admission and food for the children. Any additional parents are charged full price admission even though it isn't a venue of any interest to adults.

Unless the 2 adults have early years qualifications where they can look after groups of children then you need to pay for an adult with each child.

NerrSnerr · 05/05/2023 21:14

Are there any village halls/ community centres/ church halls where you can have bouncy castle?

Oysterbabe · 05/05/2023 21:15

I wouldn't expect to pay anything if I'm invited to a kid's party.

katmarie · 05/05/2023 21:15

Applequash · 05/05/2023 21:07

Only the children, if you can’t let your kid go to a party without lingering around that’s on you imo.

I would never leave my 3 year old at a birthday party alone. That is much too young to be left imo.

ApplePie20 · 05/05/2023 21:16

The party package only includes 2 adult tickets, plus admission and food for the children. Any additional parents are charged full price admission even though it isn't a venue of any interest to adults

This seems a really weird set up for somewhere designed for 3 year olds. Sounds more appropriate for older children who don’t need supervision.

Oysterbabe · 05/05/2023 21:17

There will definitely be a church hall or function room or something you can hire instead.

HauntedPencil · 05/05/2023 21:17

Agree it's a weird set up - I wouldn't expect to have to pay for the adults to come and they aren't going to want to leave a 3 year old unattended. I guess I would pay for myself but I wouldn't be thrilled 😆

Applequash · 05/05/2023 21:18

katmarie · 05/05/2023 21:15

I would never leave my 3 year old at a birthday party alone. That is much too young to be left imo.

Show quote history

Then you pay for your entry.

Round here it’s drop and go from when they start at the local preschool. For parties where the venue has said a certain amount of adults are required the host parents often ask for volunteers and pay for them but not all parents come.

HauntedPencil · 05/05/2023 21:19

I wouldn't expect to pay for myself but I'd probably offer as I'd feel bad for someone else to be lumbered with a bill for me. That's going to add a load into the cost for you.

AddieLoggins2 · 05/05/2023 21:21

Only the children, if you can’t let your kid go to a party without lingering around that’s on you imo.

Don't really think it's lingering around if they are 3!! Who the hell does a drop and go with a pre-schooler?!

We had a party at a soft play that normally charges adult entry for my DS's third birthday. We paid a set amount for x number of adults (I can't remember how many but it was enough for one per child plus a few more). I wouldn't expect to pay at that age because it's not like they can go without you.

I would speak to the venue and explain that you want to pay for extra adults, see if they can a deal for a set number of adults. If it's a children's party venue they must have come across this before.

Applequash · 05/05/2023 21:22

AddieLoggins2 · 05/05/2023 21:21

Only the children, if you can’t let your kid go to a party without lingering around that’s on you imo.

Don't really think it's lingering around if they are 3!! Who the hell does a drop and go with a pre-schooler?!

We had a party at a soft play that normally charges adult entry for my DS's third birthday. We paid a set amount for x number of adults (I can't remember how many but it was enough for one per child plus a few more). I wouldn't expect to pay at that age because it's not like they can go without you.

I would speak to the venue and explain that you want to pay for extra adults, see if they can a deal for a set number of adults. If it's a children's party venue they must have come across this before.

Every parent I’ve ever known locally… I’ve never heard of parents lingering once formal parties started (usually at 3-4)

HauntedPencil · 05/05/2023 21:26

I've never heard if people leaving 3 year olds and I think that's unusual - particularly in a venue like that not a friends home. I would not leave a 3 year old.