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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

6th form out of hours school trip clashes with DD's work shift

53 replies

jazzyfazzy766 · 05/05/2023 17:44

My daughter is 17 and in her first year of 6th form. Next week her school have arranged a trip to a uni a 2 hour drive away for an open day. They are due back at 530pm. Trip is on Thursday we received notice today. Here is my issue - my DD works on a Thursday afternoon from 4pm as the whole of sixth form finish at 3.15pm on a Thursday- school is saying education comes first and this trip is extremely important and she needs to tell work she can't attend. Her work requires at least 2 really 3 weeks notice to book a shift off. After talking to the teacher she will try to get back for 430pm but this means that DD will have to be half an hour late for work. Her contract is for 10 hours a week and that is what she works and her hours fit around school - she can't suddenly only work 9.5 next week.

She isn't interested in uni either as she wants to do an apprenticeship or go straight into work when she leaves. Her tutor and head of 6th form have been really mean to her today and have told her she just needs to tell work she has a school trip and is unable to go to work that evening or turn up an half an hour late. Her tutor said don't tell them and just go in late!!!!!

AIBU to let her stay home and do independent study and then go to work as normal? She suffers from anxiety and she is doing so well in her job which is so far out of her comfort zone.

School seem to have a vendetta against her now and her anxiety is rocketing as she only wants to do the right thing. Should she choose work or school?

OP posts:
Nappyvalley15 · 05/05/2023 17:47

Choose school and go on the uni trip. Her education should come first at this age.

travelingtortoise · 05/05/2023 17:49

Nappyvalley15 · 05/05/2023 17:47

Choose school and go on the uni trip. Her education should come first at this age.

She doesn't even want to go to uni! What's educational about that?

Very late notice, she has a prior commitment and can't go.

Totally reasonable to stick to her shift.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 05/05/2023 17:49

Has she asked work? I would go to work, a uni open day isnt education

HirplesWithHaggis · 05/05/2023 17:49

She's not interested in uni, why go on a visit?

CoronationWombleSandwiches · 05/05/2023 17:50

I don't see why a uni open day is so vital. Even if your DD was planning to go to uni , she could go to another open day in her own time. I'd sack off the trip and do the work shift.

alyceflowers · 05/05/2023 17:51

If she's not interested in uni then just don't send her on the trip.

User565394 · 05/05/2023 17:52

I would let her stay at home.

If she's not interested in the uni then I don't see why she has to attend the open day. She's wasting a day of her time, the university staff's time, messing her boss around.

I guess the school maybe think she's capable of uni and don't want her to rule it out without considering it properly? But she could consider it properly by visiting another university on a day that suits her, place that suits her, with a friend or parent who can help her with her anxiety. She doesn't have to travel 2 hours on a bus when she should be at work.

Nappyvalley15 · 05/05/2023 17:53

If she does go she may change her mind about uni - that is why it is educational.

Onelifeonly · 05/05/2023 17:53

Has she actually asked work if they could get cover just this once? People call in sick all the time. If it's a one off they will probably be understanding. Maybe she should visit the university rather than closing her mind to the whole idea? She's only 17, she won't necessarily know what she wants from life yet. I expect that is the school's view.

Fairowing · 05/05/2023 17:54

Definitely go with work. DD could always defer Uni or not go at all but it’s harder to make work connections at her age.

HadalyEve · 05/05/2023 17:54

How can she know if she wants to go to Uni or not if she hasn’t even gone to an open day? I agree with the sixth form on this. She can miss a shift.

SausageinaBun · 05/05/2023 17:55

Couldn't you refuse permission for her to go?

MintJulia · 05/05/2023 17:56

Onelifeonly · 05/05/2023 17:53

Has she actually asked work if they could get cover just this once? People call in sick all the time. If it's a one off they will probably be understanding. Maybe she should visit the university rather than closing her mind to the whole idea? She's only 17, she won't necessarily know what she wants from life yet. I expect that is the school's view.

This. At least ask work if she can miss the shift. The worst they can do is say no.

shammalammadingdong · 05/05/2023 17:57

HadalyEve · 05/05/2023 17:54

How can she know if she wants to go to Uni or not if she hasn’t even gone to an open day? I agree with the sixth form on this. She can miss a shift.

Going to an open day has feck all to do with choosing to go to university

OP, she doesn't want to go, she doesn't need to go, she has somewhere else to be.
Tell them no. If it was so extremely important they should have given more notice.

PaminaMozart · 05/05/2023 17:59

Onelifeonly · 05/05/2023 17:53

Has she actually asked work if they could get cover just this once? People call in sick all the time. If it's a one off they will probably be understanding. Maybe she should visit the university rather than closing her mind to the whole idea? She's only 17, she won't necessarily know what she wants from life yet. I expect that is the school's view.

I agree.

She is too young to close doors without even looking to see what's behind them.

QuickNameChangeForMeToday · 05/05/2023 17:59

Using language like vendetta etc will do nothing to alleviate her anxiety. I have voted UANBU, however I would ask work as a courtesy and if it’s impossible it’s impossible.

Woahtherehoney · 05/05/2023 18:00

I had a similar issue at sixth form where I couldn’t attend a visit because I had to be at work. I’d had my job for 2 years by this point and knew I wasn’t going to uni so I ignored my school and went to work as normal. My teacher told me I’d be ruining my life joy going to uni and shouldn’t put a part time job ahead of my further education that I didn’t even want. It really soured my view of further education anyway to be honest!

OP your daughter doesn’t have to visit one uni to know she doesn’t want to go. Let her go to work and not go to the uni, and if the school have an issue with that then that’s their isssue, not your daughters. Uni is not the only next step from school which a few on mumsnet could do with learning!

Woahtherehoney · 05/05/2023 18:02

HadalyEve · 05/05/2023 17:54

How can she know if she wants to go to Uni or not if she hasn’t even gone to an open day? I agree with the sixth form on this. She can miss a shift.

As if going to ONE university is going to suddenly make up her mind.

Woahtherehoney · 05/05/2023 18:03

And just to add what are the school teaching her by telling her to not even tell her employers? Can she do that if she goes to uni and gets a job in her field - just not turn up one day? Be late because she feels like it?

that’s appalling advice from the school - hardly teaching their students responsibility is it!

DancingWithTheMoonlitKnight · 05/05/2023 18:04

She should choose work. If she doesn't want to go to university she shouldn't lose a shift or her even her job for a pointless trip.

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 05/05/2023 18:07

Let her stay home. She doesn’t need to go and if it was necessary School should have given proper notice.

GreenClock · 05/05/2023 18:08

She should do what feels right for her. She’s old enough to make that decision. FWIW I’d go on the day trip and keep an open mind about uni, as long as the employer were able to obtain cover. But I’m not her.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 05/05/2023 18:10

The trip is also only useful if the uni is one which she might consider and which offers the relevant course. Dd had to go to a uni fair. Only two of the places represented there offered the course she was interested in and even those representatives kept trying to sell her a different course which put her off applying there. Not going will not shut the door on going to university anyway. It possibly would be worth her attending an open day at some point so she is making an informed decision but forcing her to go and visit now could be counterproductive.

LlynTegid · 05/05/2023 18:10

A bad example to let down an employer by being late without telling them, or just saying I won't be there.

I bet the university open day could have been arranged weeks ago. In which case it would have been reasonable to seek time off from work.

lanthanum · 05/05/2023 18:10

Ask work if there's any possibility of a swap of shifts, but if not, don't go on the trip, telling school "I'm very sorry, I did ask for the time off, but they were unable to cover me at such short notice." Point out to form tutor that she may be wanting a reference from her employer in due course, and she does not want to get a reputation for being unreliable, and definitely does not want to risk being found to be a liar.

There are plenty of online open days and webinars (DD is in one at the moment), and if she's thought through her options carefully then the school should be supporting her in looking at apprenticeships, not bullying her into looking at random universities.

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