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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

6th form out of hours school trip clashes with DD's work shift

53 replies

jazzyfazzy766 · 05/05/2023 17:44

My daughter is 17 and in her first year of 6th form. Next week her school have arranged a trip to a uni a 2 hour drive away for an open day. They are due back at 530pm. Trip is on Thursday we received notice today. Here is my issue - my DD works on a Thursday afternoon from 4pm as the whole of sixth form finish at 3.15pm on a Thursday- school is saying education comes first and this trip is extremely important and she needs to tell work she can't attend. Her work requires at least 2 really 3 weeks notice to book a shift off. After talking to the teacher she will try to get back for 430pm but this means that DD will have to be half an hour late for work. Her contract is for 10 hours a week and that is what she works and her hours fit around school - she can't suddenly only work 9.5 next week.

She isn't interested in uni either as she wants to do an apprenticeship or go straight into work when she leaves. Her tutor and head of 6th form have been really mean to her today and have told her she just needs to tell work she has a school trip and is unable to go to work that evening or turn up an half an hour late. Her tutor said don't tell them and just go in late!!!!!

AIBU to let her stay home and do independent study and then go to work as normal? She suffers from anxiety and she is doing so well in her job which is so far out of her comfort zone.

School seem to have a vendetta against her now and her anxiety is rocketing as she only wants to do the right thing. Should she choose work or school?

OP posts:
Spiderboy · 05/05/2023 18:10

There isn’t a wrong answer really. A uni open day could really open her eyes to what else is on offer, that’s literally why they do them. I’d encourage the trip personally and offer to make the time up another day. While she is still in education it seems sensible to fully commit

Original poster
jazzyfazzy766 · 05/05/2023 18:11

Although currently she doesn't want to go to uni she understands there is no harm in going to open days and if this particular trip didn't clash with work commitments there would be no issue. We have looked on the uni website and there is an open day on a Saturday in July which we can attend. We are also going to look at our local uni in a few weeks on their open day so she isn't totally discounting it.

She asked work and her contract is for 10 hrs a week and they always give her shifts around her school commitments so she can't book time off at such short notice- if she can find somebody to cover her shift and swap with someone else that is fine, but she can't swap as every other day she is at school till later,

OP posts:
Poppyblush · 05/05/2023 18:12

She doesn’t want to go to uni, let alone that uni.

school are being arses

anunlikelyseahorse · 05/05/2023 18:13

Is it a private 6th form or grammar 6th form?
I just don't understand why a 6th form would make it a compulsory trip (I could understand if there were going to be lectures, proper lecture...not talks about what the university has to offer).
Added to which unis are all so different that visiting one uni, isn't likely to change her mind, and if she's decided uni is not for her, it seems a totally pointless exercise.
Is this normal for sixth forms though? Wasn't when I was at 6th form, I'm pretty sure open days were held in the holidays (I went to a few, and I'm absolutely sure I didn't miss any college (but i remember a very busy summer getting trains and bus to numerous parts of the UK, and staying in several youth hostels!).

Bayleaf25 · 05/05/2023 18:13

Can she switch her shift with someone else who works a different day? Agree she should do the uni trip - in Y12 my DS was adamant he didn’t want to go to uni, he’s now finishing his second year and loving every bit of the course and his independence.

Nimbostratus100 · 05/05/2023 18:14

obviously education comes first. If work are employing school children they know that

Nappyvalley15 · 05/05/2023 18:15

Woah - it might change her mind. It might change her life.

None of us can know this. She is 17 - who knows what might spark her imagination on a uni open day.

Or it might conform her view that she doesn't want to go to uni. At least that decision will be a more informed one because she will have a better idea of what they offer and what the experience might be like.

I am in the minority on this thread but I think that is worth missing a shift at work for.

DancingWithTheMoonlitKnight · 05/05/2023 18:15

Nimbostratus100 · 05/05/2023 18:14

obviously education comes first. If work are employing school children they know that

A 17 year old is hardly a school child.

Nappyvalley15 · 05/05/2023 18:16

Confirm her view - sorry about the typo.

anunlikelyseahorse · 05/05/2023 18:24

Nimbostratus100 · 05/05/2023 18:14

obviously education comes first. If work are employing school children they know that

Not really a school child though at 17. If you'd called me a schoolchild at 16/17 I'd think you were being incredibly patronising. And at 17 she'll have a pretty good idea if uni is for her. Personally I think unless it's a uni degree which pretty much guarantees a job at the end of it (eg engineering/ health care / accounting etc) then it's just a good way to get into debt... my first degree whilst great fun, was completely pointless, and I ended with no career path whatsoever; over qualified to do many jobs, uselessly qualified for anything in industry).

AxolotlEars · 05/05/2023 18:29

Madness....schools are actually not the centre of the universe. I would stop discussing it with the school, have a formulated answer to any enquiries "I have it all sorted." and not send her. The school has shown that they consider their plan the priority and that they are not willing to adapt. Well, what they think of as adapting doesn't solve the problem for your daughter. Call me cynical but I don't think she'd be back by 4.30 either.

Clementineorsatsuma · 05/05/2023 18:34

Nappyvalley15 · 05/05/2023 17:47

Choose school and go on the uni trip. Her education should come first at this age.

Nonsense. There's many other firms of education.
She should attend work as the references will stand her in good stead.

Nimbostratus100 · 05/05/2023 18:36

DancingWithTheMoonlitKnight · 05/05/2023 18:15

A 17 year old is hardly a school child.

Show quote history

all 17 years olds are required to be in education or training

be real, she is being employed because she is cheap, and she is cheap because she is school age

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 05/05/2023 18:36

Nappyvalley15 · 05/05/2023 18:15

Woah - it might change her mind. It might change her life.

None of us can know this. She is 17 - who knows what might spark her imagination on a uni open day.

Or it might conform her view that she doesn't want to go to uni. At least that decision will be a more informed one because she will have a better idea of what they offer and what the experience might be like.

I am in the minority on this thread but I think that is worth missing a shift at work for.

Not if she can easily go a different day. Attending one open day under duress is unlikely to change her view. Finding a course she is interested in and going to an open day for that is more likely to have an impact.

Nappyvalley15 · 05/05/2023 18:37

Missing one shift won't result in a bad reference.

Impostersyndrome · 05/05/2023 18:38

Speaking as a university lecturer here, I don't think she should call in sick or be late. If she can swap shifts, fine, but bad adv

Impostersyndrome · 05/05/2023 18:39

... advice from the school. As pp said: teaching her to be irresponsible.

Trainham · 05/05/2023 18:42

One of mine didn't want to go to uni and got an apprenticeship in his chosen field.in his second year of his apprenticeship he was earning more then me. He now earns megg bucks, no debt and owns a house. And only in his early 20s .schools seem to push education and uni if it's not for her then it should be her choice. Another son didn't want to do uni at that age and has just finished his degree at 31.its never to late to go to uni if she changes her mind

VivaLesTartes · 05/05/2023 18:46

anunlikelyseahorse this is what I thought too, I don't think any of my school friends went to the same open days, unis even courses - it was all done in our own time and too many possibilities.
It might be more like a uni "convention" or "fair" ( I think it's called something else but can't remember!) . So based at one uni but it's actually a ton of them that have set up stalls to try and 'sell themselves '. Usually give away a lot of tat in the process.
In which case these are quite fun if she can book it off work but if she can't, she can't.

wildfirewonder · 05/05/2023 18:55

The trip is:
a) not compulsory - it si out fo school time
b) not subject-related and therefore can't harm her education

You just write to the Head of Sixth Form and say 'please be advised x is not attending because we have discussed and this trip is not appropriate for her. I have been told this trip is important, which I understand it is for other students, but please can you advise if there would be any sanctions for my daughter not attending.'

If they say there are sanctions, escalate it as a complaint. I would expect them to just let her off. I suspect they don't want other kids to not attend.

I understand why they think it is important, but at the end of the day it is a free country and this is not a core part fo her studies.

DreamingofTimbuktu2 · 05/05/2023 18:59

Could someone from the previous shift stay on an hour?

NeverForgetYourDreams · 05/05/2023 19:01

Choose work
it’s not an educational trip. It’s a jolly to visit a Uni she has no intention of attending

TheHateIsNotGood · 05/05/2023 19:02

Well done to your DD for keeping up with her education AND work commitments. Your DD is making her own uni open day arrangements and is keeping an open mind to her options.

She is being a good employee, something the school should respect, not try and teach her otherwise. No wonder Employers are shocked at how unready for work many school and uni leavers are.

NeverForgetYourDreams · 05/05/2023 19:04

Nimbostratus100 · 05/05/2023 18:36

all 17 years olds are required to be in education or training

be real, she is being employed because she is cheap, and she is cheap because she is school age

Show quote history

DS is 17 and has a part time job 5-15 hours a week. He gets paid full living wage. Not reduced rate. Not all companies take advantage of young people

Prescottdanni123 · 05/05/2023 19:28

@Nappyvalley15

There are plenty of universities who will have open days on different dates. OP's daughter can go to one of those if she wants. That specific open day is not the be all and end all.

Going to university isn't the be all and end all.