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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is the worst thing about parenting small children?

529 replies

Iheartherain · 05/05/2023 05:28

5 bloody am.

I thought the clocks going forward had reverted us to a more civilised wake-up time of around 6, but no.

Please don’t give advice as a year or more of trying to fix this hasn’t worked 😅 but honestly it is pretty miserable. I can’t have hobbies in an evening or watch ‘adult’ TV or nights out or date nights if we got a babysitter.

I am sick of being tired and yawning, fat because I seek sugar to boost my energy and always have a headache. It’s shit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iheartherain · 05/05/2023 20:54

@Delatron trust me, it isn’t. He wakes up and cries. Being ignored for an hour just … isn’t great, really. And it wouldn’t teach him a lesson about not waking up before that time. It’s just when he wakes. It isn’t like a night waking at all, he’s up and ready to start the day.

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Delatron · 05/05/2023 20:57

Well don’t ignore. Comfort. Pop him back to bed. Bribe. Anything to not get up at 5am. It won’t change if you keep getting up at that time. Make it as boring as possible. Keep putting him back to bed.

I

Xmasbaby11 · 05/05/2023 21:00

Let's not forget that many small children wake up naturally very early. 6am would probably be considered normal but I know MANY who woke earlier, every single day, whatever their parents did, for years. Just how they are programmed. They would usually be the ones who need to be asleep at 7 and not cope with staying up later. It gets better once they are old enough to entertain themselves, have a groclock etc - but they may still be early risers, and in the meantime it is v hard on the parents. I don't think it's unusual based on my extensive knowledge of my friends' kids!

Maria1982 · 05/05/2023 21:01

Iheartherain · 05/05/2023 08:07

I’m not even sure how this has become teens vs toddlers.

I am not normally this grumpy, but the culmination of early starts is very, very wearing and it’s easy to lose perspective. Like now it’s only just 8 and I’ve done three hours.

At eight months pregnant and knackered with your first Id say you’re pretty justified in being grumpy !

Tinybrother · 05/05/2023 21:03

Delatron · 05/05/2023 20:50

The point being body clocks get stuck at certain times - so say 5am. If that child gets up, gets the family up then that will never change.

Treat a 5am waking like a 1am waking. You wouldn’t let your child get up at 1am.

So yes what would happen if you moved to Australia? it’s a valid point. It’s all about body clocks. Not bad sleepers. It’s how you react to that waking. Kids shouldn’t be coming in to beds and waking parents up. They wouldn’t get away with that at 1am.

My friend used to moan her kid woke her up at 4.30 am every day for years. What did she do at 4.30am? She got up and put the tv on. Rewarding and reinforcing that behaviour. Ditto coming and ‘sleeping’ in the parents bed.

Theres a reason why the sunrise clocks work.

So shoot me. But I’ve read the thread. I’m not suggesting later bedtimes (these kids have little enough sleep as it is). It’s about retraining body clocks and choosing a time that’s acceptable to get up as a family. For everyone’s sake.

Ive had 5am wakings but they shifted later with these methods. I’ve not seen one person say they’ve tried this. They’ve just got up and accepted a 5am wake up.

Show quote history

you know what worked for you. That’s all you know.

chillidoritto · 05/05/2023 21:06

Tell them it's the middle of the night and it's not time to get up yet!

Original poster
Iheartherain · 05/05/2023 21:07

@Delatron trust me, I have tried. I really have. Putting him back in bed gets him extremely worked up and upset. Taking him in bed with me doesn’t work either. Ignoring him doesn’t work. He wakes up when he wakes up. And I do sympathise to an extent as I’m similar and generally don’t go back to sleep once awake. The difference of course is I don’t wake the whole house up, and the day will come when DS doesn’t either.

Six is fine, i can live with six. Five is killing me. But it is what it is. Hoping it may improve when he drops his nap but I doubt it to be honest.

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Delatron · 05/05/2023 21:08

Tinybrother · 05/05/2023 21:03

you know what worked for you. That’s all you know.

Show quote history

Yes but all I’m seeing on this thread is everyone getting up and putting the TV on at 5am. Or starting the day. So they’ve not tried it…

Tinybrother · 05/05/2023 21:11

Delatron · 05/05/2023 21:08

Yes but all I’m seeing on this thread is everyone getting up and putting the TV on at 5am. Or starting the day. So they’ve not tried it…

Show quote history

It’s boring listing all the things that have been done for months on end and not worked, I’m certainly not going to do it. Why not just believe other parents? Why choose to believe that they just didn’t put in the effort you did, the lazy fuckers?

Delatron · 05/05/2023 21:13

It’s not much effort to be honest. I’d just refuse to get up before 7 no matter what. No TV, no cuddles in bed. Probably terrible parenting.

Tinybrother · 05/05/2023 21:14

what you did worked, so you didn’t need to do anything differently. That’s all.

Original poster
Iheartherain · 05/05/2023 21:14

Did you miss this has been ongoing for a year or more?

People do try various things and it makes sense to try. Equally though, there comes a point where you do just have to roll with it. If I was to ignore DS for an hour every morning, it wouldn’t improve his life, my life or DHs life. He would be upset, and we would be stressed with the screaming.

I’m sure that there are some children who do go back to sleep but mine doesn’t.

Incidentally, he comes in bed with me. Dark room, lie quietly, no TV until 6 (bedroom TV is not a smart tv and CBeebies only starts at 6.) I know the morning programmes in the same way you know your old school: familiarity and dread. Raa Raa, Bing, teletubbies, tee and mo, Chuggingtons, Bing, colourblocks …

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Original poster
Iheartherain · 05/05/2023 21:16

@Delatron if it works for you then no it isn’t terrible.

But in general and in no way aimed at you I would say that if a child is distressed - as DS is - and holding his arms out and crying to come out and most definitely awake - ignoring that, well, it isn’t parenting I think I’d be comfortable with, no.

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Delatron · 05/05/2023 21:16

My kids never came in the bed with me..
Different strokes though..

chillidoritto · 05/05/2023 21:19

I've got 5, and apart from if they were ill or babies, I refused to start the day any earlier than 7!

Tinybrother · 05/05/2023 21:20

What methods of refusal did you use?

Original poster
Iheartherain · 05/05/2023 21:21

So you would just stay in bed for two hours while they cried.

Or do you mean that you could actually coax them back to sleep if they woke too early? Because that’s totally fair enough: however that doesn’t happen here, which surely to god is clear …

OP posts:
Delatron · 05/05/2023 21:21

chillidoritto · 05/05/2023 21:19

I've got 5, and apart from if they were ill or babies, I refused to start the day any earlier than 7!

Yep!

Original poster
Iheartherain · 05/05/2023 21:24

Still interested to know if you actually would have just lain in bed, guessing with the beloved by MN noise cancelling headphones, while they cried?

OP posts:
Delatron · 05/05/2023 21:24

Iheartherain · 05/05/2023 21:21

So you would just stay in bed for two hours while they cried.

Or do you mean that you could actually coax them back to sleep if they woke too early? Because that’s totally fair enough: however that doesn’t happen here, which surely to god is clear …

I actually don’t remember. They would wake I’d tell them to go back to sleep. And refuse to get up until 7 earliest. No getting in to my bed, no TV. Think we had the sunrise clock. It depends on the age - a distressed toddler is different to a 4 year old…who may be trying it on. They are not hungry, they are not sad or hurt, they just want to get up.

If they had a tantrum in the day the best method is to ignore. That can also apply at 5am.

Oldermum84 · 05/05/2023 21:25

How do you just refuse to get up though? My DS repeatedly smacked me round the face for 20mins the other morning. Do you just lie there and take it?

Delatron · 05/05/2023 21:25

Oldermum84 · 05/05/2023 21:25

How do you just refuse to get up though? My DS repeatedly smacked me round the face for 20mins the other morning. Do you just lie there and take it?

They knew they weren’t allowed in my bedroom. I think that ship has sailed…

chillidoritto · 05/05/2023 21:28

Treat it like you do when they wake up at night. Reassure them, but tell them it's not time to get up yet? Eventually mine went back to sleep.

Once they're old enough they can play quietly in their rooms but they don't disturb me til 7!

Oldermum84 · 05/05/2023 21:28

Ah ok. Did you just let a 3 year old roam the house alone crying at 5am then? I think SS would be called by my neighbours!

Original poster
Iheartherain · 05/05/2023 21:29

@Delatron what I’m trying to explain to you is that we are talking at cross purposes here.

I don’t think many parents, bar the actually abusive, who would lie in bed and ignore a child crying. So what you mean is that you wouldn’t let them get up. I did try that with DS, and it didn’t work, he got more and more upset and worked up because as far as he was concerned it was not a ‘night wake’, it was morning. So I ended up sitting in his bedroom at 5am trying to comfort him and get him to lie down again (wasn’t happening) as he cried and cried.

I don’t co sleep - not for me - but at 5 my bed is comfier than downstairs or DS floor!

The number of posts here do show it really isn’t a unique problem with little children, many just do wake very early. There isn’t a magic solution to this. some kids can be persuaded back to sleep or at least to lie quietly for a while . Some … can’t!

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