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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if this is a bad sign at nursery

44 replies

Marigoldilock · 04/05/2023 19:12

My 15 month old baby has recently started nursery full time. She was previously part time until a few weeks ago and she seemed much more clingy once she was full time. She has settled down and seems happy again, but Im conscious she has recently been through a big change.

Today I picked her up and her nursery worked was chatting to her as we left. She (nursery worker) was saying 'mama' to my baby and I said 'oh, it's always dada in our house; I never get a mention haha'. Nursery worker said 'ah, she will soon. Baby is so attached to me. She watches me day and if I leave the room she cries. She is just so attached to me'. I was kind of like, 'oh right...yeah, she can be like that'.

My first reaction was that it was a bit of a weird comment, then I felt pleased that they have a good relationship but then I started wondering if my baby feels insecure in nursery and that's why she is so clingy. Do you think that it's a sign of child having a really good, healthy bond with their key worker or that it's a sign of a very insecure baby? She is in from 8-4.30, Monday to Friday.

OP posts:

Original poster

Marigoldilock · 04/05/2023 20:28

Thank you for the solidarity @snowfal ! My dream life would be part time work, or, even better, to never have to work! But the rent doesn’t pay itself.

Thank you everyone. I’m possibly projecting because when my oldest child was the same age, he was so clingy to me that I couldn’t go to the toilet or leave the room without him freaking out and panicking. My mum made such a big deal and heavily implied that he was like that because I’d put him in nursery and that’s why he had ‘no confidence’. It has left me really sore about this issue.

OP posts:

UndertheCedartree · 04/05/2023 20:36

I think it is good she has a good bond with her key worker and she is probably a bit clingy due to the change in hours. Hopefully the nursery will encourage her to get to know and trust the other workers so she is ok if her key worker is ill/on leave.

AuntMarch · 04/05/2023 20:57

I only work with children 2+, but one of our youngest has only just stopped crying for his key person when she leaves the room. When she has had days off he has been happy and playing (we did worry he might be distressed but we had no tears at all), but he isn't as attached to us and she is his "safe place" when at nursery.

He ventures further now, and usually is ok if she says she is going to go and have her lunch/play outside or whatever - if she is in another area of the setting he will sometimes go over to show her something or just see what she is doing, before getting back to his own play.

This is all exactly what we expect/want to see!

Pp said about her eventually being upset to leave nursery, I saw this when I worked with babies but usually younger than yours so hopefully you won't go through that.

Rosebel · 04/05/2023 21:03

Very normal and always good to know your baby has a good bond with their key worker. Wording is a bit odd, where I work there are some babies who cry when their key worker leaves the room but we generally don't tell parents that or are at least are more gentle in delivery.

LadyJ2023 · 04/05/2023 21:08

Dont complain about a baby bonding eith someone you've put into childcare

alyceflowers · 04/05/2023 21:08

Babies are supposed to be attached to the person caring for them, it's healthy.
It's a good sign that the nursery recognises and promotes attachment.

It could be a bit insensitive of the worker as some mums do get a bit jealous, or choose nursery (over a childminder or nanny) in the hope that their baby doesn't get to form a close attachment to another 'mother figure'.

This my baby is scared to be without her because she find the environment threatening is a weird way to interpret it though!

BubblinTrouble · 04/05/2023 21:25

My DD2 is very clingy with me and with people she likes at nursery. I think a lot of it is that she doesn’t like new people so she looks for her safe people.

I think it’s a good thing that she has these individuals that she can go to when she’s upset and needs a bit more love. It makes me feel comforted that DD is looked after so well and cared for. I’m sure DD will grow out of it and eventually get more confident but to me it’s a sign that she is comfortable and looked after.

Questionquestionqu · 04/05/2023 21:25

LadyJ2023 · 04/05/2023 21:08

Dont complain about a baby bonding eith someone you've put into childcare

She isn't

Original poster

Marigoldilock · 04/05/2023 21:33

LadyJ2023 · 04/05/2023 21:08

Dont complain about a baby bonding eith someone you've put into childcare

You didn’t understand my OP, clearly.

OP posts:

DappledThings · 04/05/2023 21:39

About that age my son was so besotted with his keyworker that if she was on a shift that ended before he left she used to go on her hands and knees past the partition door so he he wouldn't see her leave and get too upset!

At the same time he would be dropped off, sit down at the breakfast table and give us a casual wave goodbye without even turning round.

He was really happy and settled there, sounds like yours is too.

Original poster

Marigoldilock · 04/05/2023 21:42

Can I just reiterate for anyone who may not have understood that I want my baby to have a strong bond with her carer. I am very happy that the staff care for my baby and pleased that my baby is bonding well with her key worker. Only a crazy person wouldn’t want their child to have a strong attachment with someone who looks after them each day. I understand what attachment is and how crucial it is in early childhood development. I’m not worried that my child is bonded to someone else. I want my baby to be happy and to thrive in a loving environment.

Ok, have I clarified that I want my baby to love the person who is looking after her?

My worry was that my baby was being ‘clingy’ because she is not happy in nursery, and not because I was worried she would form a bond with her care giver.

I don’t know how many more times I need to say it. Am I being really unclear or are people just not reading my posts properly? I absolutely want to clear up any kind of notion that I resent or am jealous of my baby having a bond with someone else.

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Oinkypig · 04/05/2023 21:47

That sounds like they have a lovely bond with a lovely nursery worker. My child was full time in nursery from 9 months and is now at secondary. We are still in touch with his first key worker as a baby and I personally am very good friends with the nursery owners (also the only staff when DC started) of his second nursery. DC has good memories of both settings. I’m not even going to talk about how much he loved his childminder before and after school in primary….. she is also a close friend now too.

I think what I’m trying to say is if you trust the key worker that’s the right setting for your child and let go of the guilt.

Oinkypig · 04/05/2023 21:50

and worry (as much as you can!)

Original poster

Marigoldilock · 04/05/2023 21:51

Thanks for all of these lovely posts from mums who have been through it and got to see lovely relationships between their kids and nursery staff, and that the kids were thriving and happy in the setting. It means a lot.

My eldest child went to a nursery that I really didn’t like, several years ago now. However his key worker adored him and he used to jump out of my arms into hers. I kept him in that nursery until he was too old for that nursery worker’s room, just so they could be together. That relationship is crucial for daycare.

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NurseryNurse10 · 04/05/2023 22:31

There's always one or two keyworkers that the babies will attach themselves to. I do supply work and one of the babies is like that with me and I am not even there full time. It's normal behaviour for that age x

SchoolShenanigans · 04/05/2023 22:35

It sounds like mum guilt. As long as your baby is happy, that's all that matters. My daughter has a lovely keyworker who she took to instantly, it's lovely! Much better than the alternative...

feralunderclass · 04/05/2023 22:42

You are massively over thinking this.

ApplePie20 · 04/05/2023 22:59

A 15 month old wouldn't be like that at home - they are usually happy to potter about in their own for much of the time

Sweeping generalisation. At 15 months, DS was only in nursery 2 short days. Despite this, he was like a limpet to me the rest of the time - he was like this from about 10 months onwards, so long before he was in childcare. I probably carried him round more at 15 months than at 5 months. He’s a perfectly well adjusted, independent 3 yo now and has no issues doing 2.5 long days in nursery plus 1 day with MIL.

Original poster

Marigoldilock · 04/05/2023 23:32

SchoolShenanigans · 04/05/2023 22:35

It sounds like mum guilt. As long as your baby is happy, that's all that matters. My daughter has a lovely keyworker who she took to instantly, it's lovely! Much better than the alternative...

But that’s what I’m trying to ascertain..whether or not she is happy.

OP posts:

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