To wonder if this is a bad sign at nursery

[Marigoldilock]

My 15 month old baby has recently started nursery full time. She was previously part time until a few weeks ago and she seemed much more clingy once she was full time. She has settled down and seems happy again, but Im conscious she has recently been through a big change.

Today I picked her up and her nursery worked was chatting to her as we left. She (nursery worker) was saying 'mama' to my baby and I said 'oh, it's always dada in our house; I never get a mention haha'. Nursery worker said 'ah, she will soon. Baby is so attached to me. She watches me day and if I leave the room she cries. She is just so attached to me'. I was kind of like, 'oh right...yeah, she can be like that'.

My first reaction was that it was a bit of a weird comment, then I felt pleased that they have a good relationship but then I started wondering if my baby feels insecure in nursery and that's why she is so clingy. Do you think that it's a sign of child having a really good, healthy bond with their key worker or that it's a sign of a very insecure baby? She is in from 8-4.30, Monday to Friday.

Yabu: normal healthy relationship
yanbu: sounds like the baby isn't happy in nursery

The comment is a bit weird but the behaviour sounds normal - they form a bond with their keyworker at nursery too.

Slightly odd phrasing maybe, but sounds like her keyworker is giving a lot of attention which is nice. Nothing concerning to me anyway

Good, that's all I wanted to know. I am so happy for her to have a good bond with her key worker but started over thinking that the clingyness to her was actually a sign that baby feels nervous and clings to her because she isn't happy (if that makes sense).

By the way, the phrasing probably sounds extra odd because the conversation wasn't in English and I've translated pretty much word for word. Possibly sounds a bit weird because of that.

Agree comment is weird but behaviour sounds like what you want. Baby being attached to a reliable and consistent adult is really healthy and not always possible in a nursery.

This is great news

It's a good sign but very insensitive of the woman I think. I bet she is young and doesn't have her own?? I work with pre schoolers only for past 3 years and sometimes cover for others in baby and wobbler rooms. It always amuses me how genuinely attached they get. Like 1 person coming back from lunch and their colleague saying 'x did this' like its the best news ever and the person being really pissed off they missed it. They should always be careful with choice of words around parents though and understand a parent will get a bit jealous of them if they overdo it

It's good your baby has a bond with their key worker- really important when they are in nursery so much (not a criticism- all of mine were in nursery from 6 months full time). My youngest especially used to be clingy with his key worker - they called him the koala because he used to grab onto her leg until he was picked up and then cling on so hard he couldn't be out down! He wasnt unhappy, and he also grew out of it! The comment sounds a bit odd but if it was said with good intentions and you like the key worker generally then I don't see a problem.

Yes she is quite young and doesn't have children of her own. She is lovely with the babies, very gentle and warm and I'm not jealous but to me it came across that my baby is scared to be without her because she find the environment threatening. You knownwhen you're a kid and you walked into a room full of strangers and you old cling to your mum because you felt shy and anxious? That's where my mind went! I told my husband and he said 'sounds like nursery worker was bragging about how much baby loves her' which would actually be my ideal scenario, rather than worrying my baby is clingy because she isn't happy.
I hope this all makes sense!

This nursery worker is spending more of her awake time with your child than you are, it's good that they have a bond. Constant clinging probably isn't a good sign though. A 15 month old wouldn't be like that at home - they are usually happy to potter about in their own for much of the time. I think the environment is a bit much FT for that age. I would try to reduce her time in nursery if you can.

I remember mine at about six? months older going into nursery absolutely furious with me because I'd done something really awful like made her wear a sunhat! She charged over to her keyworker and sat on her keyworker's knee glaring at me as I left!

I remember feeling relieved that she had someone else she trusted to go to if she was cross with me!

Nursery worker here. This is why keyworkers exist, it's totally natural, normal, and actually desirable for your baby to form a close bond with her main nursery caregiver 🙂 so please don't worry about that.

I agree with pp that the nursery worker's comment was a bit strange, but perhaps she just meant to reassure you that your baby is happy to be in her care.

I have children who also get upset when I leave the room. It's usually when the children are still settling or when they are sick and don't feel too good and want extra cuddles, etc. It's totally normal, and it won't last forever, so try not too panic too much, it sounds like your baby really likes her keyworker and that's a great sign.

Sounds like she was trying to reassure you that DD is settled at nursery, just bit lost in translation. It's healthy that your baby has a great bond to her key worker, really important for a child's development - Suzanne zeeydt has some great things to say about this!
To reassure you I'm a childminder & although I have great bonds with all the children I care for & welcome into our family I am under no illusion that I do not in any way replace mum/dad/aunts/uncle/grans etc!

How insensitive and unhelpful. You have no idea whether this is a choice or not for the op.

She was probably just trying to reassure you that your little one is in safe caring hands . I would feel happy that my child feels secure.

It's not a choice. I would loved to have stayed part time if I could have, but sadly it's not an option.

Just to reiterate, I am very, veryhappy that my baby has a good bond with the nursery worker. Every mum wants to know they are leaving their child with someone they feel really happy with. It was just the clingyness that was making me worry that baby is overwhelmed or struggling, rather than just a sign of a good bond. I'm feeling a lot better now I've asked you all. Thank you.

My youngest loves nursery but is very cuddly and likes to be picked up a lot, his nursery workers all say he gives good cuddles and it's one of his favourite things to do! I don't think it means there's a problem, he is very happy there. If it makes you feel any better, I was getting his coat one day and he saw his favourite nursery worker, reached out to her and said "mummy"! He only goes part time during term time as well. 🤣

Aww this sounds lovely OP. My little boy is around the same age (16 months) and loves his key workers, they also go through very clingy phases around this age too. It’s a bit of an off comment but I wouldn’t let it bother you, she probably wanted to reassure you that’s your DD is settling in.

Nothing wrong at all with seeking emotional security. I think we over think this and 'clingy' becomes a very negative way to describe it.
Babies need to build attachments to their key person and parents. Very natural and normal, it is this attachment that will help her to feel secure in the environment so that she will explore. Typical of the age but personality plays a role too. Self confidence and independence will come. A phrase that someone once used to describe this aspect of child development sticks with me. Babies and toddlers need to be dependent before they can be independent and therefore attachment is a sign that this is progressing.

@Marigoldilock it was the same for me and the reality for so many.

I work in a nursery, please dont worry it completely normal,
wording was wrong i would never say it like that to a parent, i have a couple children who i can calm down will come to for a cuddle when being dropped off and parents seem greatfull but as a mum myself i dont want to cross lines xx

Meant to say im a lunch asistant , so nice as i work short hours some will come to me, i obviously treat them all the same i love my job :)

Quite common and in the future u may find she cries when she has to leave nursery and go home.