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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep child off school - WWYD?

40 replies

Dilemmatimeagain · 04/05/2023 13:34

9 year old DS came home from school with red and blue marking around his eye from where another 9 year old punched him yesterday.

I had an email from the class teacher that she spoke to both children.

Problem is, thats all they ever do, then it happens again. This is the 4th time DS has been punched by the same child this school year, and the second time hes been marked. When I ask what they are doing to prevent it, what procedures are in place or for antibullying policy, I am ignored.

DS was worried and did not sleep well last night so he stayed off school today.
I emailed the teacher this morning and told her that DS was too worried to go to school and is at home doing workbooks. I told them DS needs to be reassured that school is safe and I can't tell him that because its clearly not safe and that I dont think they are taking this seriously enough.

So if your DC were in this situation would ypu keep them off until you got an appropriate solution from the school? Or send DC in anyway?

I have had no response yet today (other than to say they accidentally deleted my mail and can I re send it) so have a dilemma on what to do tomorrow if they dont respond.

OP posts:
Theduchy · 04/05/2023 13:36

I would be arranging a meeting with the class teacher and head teacher face to face. Emails are too easy to ignore. You sitting in front of them and telling them your son has been assaulted 4 times and injured twice: what are they going to do about it, is much harder to ignore.

Putyourdamnshoeson · 04/05/2023 13:36

Yabu to keep child off. But not unreasonable at all to be furious. But stop emailing, go in and demand to see Head/DSL whoever. Not class teacher.

takealettermsjones · 04/05/2023 13:36

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, I would lose my shit. Sorry I don't have any actual advice other than keep banging on at them about it. Hopefully someone in the know will be along to help!

Polkadothot · 04/05/2023 13:37

Yes agree you need to meet with teacher and head now.

Iminthemoneylife · 04/05/2023 13:39

Contact school now. Ask for them to email you a copy of their bullying policy so you can make sure they are following it. Ask for a meeting with the head and class teacher and ask them what they are going to do to protect your child. If you are not happy with the outcome or they are not following the bullying policy then follow the school’s complaints procedure.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/05/2023 13:41

I’d write an email to the head requesting a meeting and noting that they are failing in their safeguarding duties!

NewIdeasToday · 04/05/2023 13:42

It sounds like you’ve done the right thing and it’s important that your son knows you’re protecting him.

Like others I’d be requesting an urgent meeting with the Head. And I’d keep
my child off until I had the school’s commitment to a plan to keep my child safe.

Good luck with sorting this out.

Original poster
Dilemmatimeagain · 04/05/2023 13:47

Thanks, after the third time we had an in person meeting with the head and teacher. They are really difficult to deal with in person as they deny and distract. Email seems to be the only way I can say what I want to say and also the paper trail means they cant deny whats been said.

They cant deny the marks on his face this time though.

I'll ask for another in person meeting.

OP posts:
Gymgo · 04/05/2023 13:50

Take him to a self defence clase only way bullying stops he will be seen as weak

Orchidflower1 · 04/05/2023 14:24

I’d take photos @Dilemmatimeagain and say you’ll be contacting the police, ss and the LADO if they cannot keep your child safe. This is so awful- so sorry for you and your boy.

When you go to the meeting, record it all on your phone and/or ask someone else to come with you, even just for moral support.

Vixpanda · 04/05/2023 14:33

My son (Year 7) got tackled to the floor at school, the boy who did it got suspended and I think the school contacted the police as I got a phone call from the police about it. I hadn't reported it! I would contact the police and notify the school that you have contacted them. The school aren't living up to their safeguarding duties. I would also be keeping my child off school if the school weren't doing anything about it.

Iwrote · 04/05/2023 14:39

Take photos, email them to the school, state you'll be contacting the police, the local authority, Often, and the local press.

You don't need to contact them all of course, but threaten to for sure.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/05/2023 14:42

Is the other child 10?

If so you can threaten to go to police - I might not actually do it but that child could get a criminal record if he carries on

SummerHouse · 04/05/2023 14:48

I think i would contact the police. It's ABH, it's a crime, and the school are not dealing with it. I wouldn't be all guns blazing - I would just tell the school that I felt it should be reported. If possible, I would look for another school.

This is awful and for what it's worth, it sounds like your son is lucky to have you in his corner. Totally the right decision to keep him off.

lunar1 · 04/05/2023 14:54

I would call the police, the child might be 10.

Beezknees · 04/05/2023 14:57

I would absolutely not send my child into an environment where he felt unsafe. I'd contact the police, and I'd be contacting the child's parents too although people will tell you not to do that. But it's what I'd do.

Skybluepinky · 04/05/2023 14:59

U shouldn’t have kept them off but u should have taken them in and demanded a meeting with the head.

FlamingoQueen · 04/05/2023 15:17

If you haven’t already, I would take a photo of your ds’ eye. Just in case school say that there wasn’t a mark on him.
I think you should ring school now and ask for a meeting first thing in the morning with the Head and Safeguarding lead. Take your son along (not into the actual meeting) and then you can say that if the meeting goes well and you are reassured that there are reasonable steps in place, he can attend school tomorrow.
If they will not do this, then I would ask for the Chair of Governor’s contact details and speak to them (unless you are part of an academy and there is a higher up Head that you can speak to).

Poppasocks · 04/05/2023 15:18

Police if child is 10, SS if they're 9.

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 04/05/2023 15:30

Skybluepinky · 04/05/2023 14:59

U shouldn’t have kept them off but u should have taken them in and demanded a meeting with the head.

Why not? The child has been hurt on more than one occasion by the same child and the school isn't dealing with it adequately. Nobody should be forced to be close to someone who is harming them.

DucksNewburyport · 04/05/2023 15:33

You could also contact the chair of governors and show them the photo. This is shocking OP, especially at primary age.

Catupatree123 · 04/05/2023 15:33

FlamingoQueen · 04/05/2023 15:17

If you haven’t already, I would take a photo of your ds’ eye. Just in case school say that there wasn’t a mark on him.
I think you should ring school now and ask for a meeting first thing in the morning with the Head and Safeguarding lead. Take your son along (not into the actual meeting) and then you can say that if the meeting goes well and you are reassured that there are reasonable steps in place, he can attend school tomorrow.
If they will not do this, then I would ask for the Chair of Governor’s contact details and speak to them (unless you are part of an academy and there is a higher up Head that you can speak to).

I agree with this, get safeguarding involved

WithOneLook · 04/05/2023 15:39

Some really good advice here so I'll just add that I'd try and get him seen by the gp/nurse/medical practitioner alongside personal photographs. I'd want it documented medically that he's sustained an injury, to double check there isn't anything more serious than bruising and I'd also ask their advice on how to tackle the school as they will have local knowledge. I'd also be thinking/asking for strategies for protecting sons mental health and wellbeing given its impacting sleep and causing anxiety. Again it also helps to have it documented officially

happypoobum · 04/05/2023 15:57

Poppasocks · 04/05/2023 15:18

Police if child is 10, SS if they're 9.

Agree with this.

The school will try to avoid dealing with this properly unless you are really firm. They have a legal obligation to keep DS safe.

DisquietintheRanks · 04/05/2023 16:51

4 times is bullying Ask fir a copy of their anti bullying policy (should be on school website). Are they following it? If not, I'd start my meeting by asking why not.