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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel upset friends left me out?

59 replies

Teamscreen · 02/05/2023 22:12

My friend lives on the same road as me and I saw a mutual friend had parked outside her house.

I sent them a text in our group chat saying they should have let me know and I’ll pop in and see them. Text was ignored for three hours and then they messaged back to say sorry they’d only just seen it.

OP posts:
LaLaLaNotListeningNotListening · 02/05/2023 22:17

Do each of you always have to be included in a meet up?
Have you never seen one without the other?
Maybe they had something they needed to discuss privately. I understand you feel a bit left out but it’s not really healthy to always expect to do everything together tbh.

Wherewithout · 02/05/2023 22:18

Are they not allowed to meet separately? It’s a bit much to be spying on them like that and then trying to invite yourself along to their catch up!

KarmaStar · 02/05/2023 22:19

Sorry you are so upset op .you could see one of the others without the third friend being there and if you did,it would not mean you didn't like the missing third person would it?try not to take it personally.🌻

If,on the other hand,they do this a lot and leave you out of stuff perhaps it's time to make new friends?
But never give anyone the power over your emotions.

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 02/05/2023 22:20

You seem a bit needy tbh...

They can meet up without you sometimes. Trying to invite yourself along is kinda pushy

ThinWomansBrain · 02/05/2023 22:22

Maybe they wanted a private chat - who knows?
Not unreasonable to meet up just the two of them - and unless they're the type that are generally glued to their phones, if they were chatting it's perfectly plausible that they didn't see your message.

SnarkyBag · 02/05/2023 22:22

Ooh I’m calling reverse on this one

Original poster
Teamscreen · 02/05/2023 22:30

Wherewithout · 02/05/2023 22:18

Are they not allowed to meet separately? It’s a bit much to be spying on them like that and then trying to invite yourself along to their catch up!

Spying? Only on MN could taking your bins out and noticing a car you recognise as “spying”..

Yesterday I was sad drinking a coffee at my kitchen table when out the corner of my eye I saw a cat climbing my fence outside. Should I go find the cat to apologise for spying on it?

OP posts:
Kaaplumff · 02/05/2023 22:33

Yabu

BestMammyEver · 02/05/2023 22:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

DrManhattan · 02/05/2023 22:36

And ....

murasaki · 02/05/2023 22:37

Crikey, that is a bit needy. Friends can see each other without everyone being involved.

BartsLongLostBro · 02/05/2023 22:37

Yabu and your last post makes you sound mature. Of course it would be natural for such instances to sting but we have to remind ourselves that people may like to have one on one chats. It's not about you - they did not intend to hurt you. Calling them out will make things very awkward now.

micpop · 02/05/2023 22:39

I'm in a friendship group of three. I love that we are all able to hang out separately with no drama. Sometimes the three of us will go for lunch, drinks, theatre, weekends away etc. Sometimes my two friends will go a walk or breakfast without me. Sometimes I will do something with one and not the other. And it's all totally okay and fine.

We would always go the three of us to big things like birthdays, nights out, holidays etc. But popping in to someone's house for a coffee is not an event and I wouldn't be upset not getting an invite to that nor would my friends.

I think it's important to spend time one on one in friendships also. You can't constantly be in a group.

0ddSock · 02/05/2023 22:49

YABU for texting anyone and telling them they should have done something. You sound suffocating.

KrisAkabusi · 02/05/2023 22:51

People are allowed lives that don't involve you. You're being unreasonable.

pinkdelight · 02/05/2023 23:01

It's not leaving you out, it's not about you. If you live on the same road, all the more reason to give each other space. She can have people over without you being involved. It's way too suffocating otherwise.

catinthesunshine · 02/05/2023 23:03

pinkdelight · 02/05/2023 23:01

It's not leaving you out, it's not about you. If you live on the same road, all the more reason to give each other space. She can have people over without you being involved. It's way too suffocating otherwise.

100% this.

ILoveCakeLikeTheToriesLoveRippingTaxPayersOff · 02/05/2023 23:03

You're being really unreasonable and needy. That's how you loose friends op, I had a friend like you who hated me meeting up with other friends without her. Soon ditched her.

Murdoch1949 · 03/05/2023 04:53

You noticed the car, then messaged them to say you were available!?! Had they wanted you there, you would have been invited. They chose to have a meeting without you, and you unsuccessfully tried to shoehorn yourself in. I wonder why you didn't just go and knock on the door if you thought you'd be welcome. You need to look at your own actions.

SargentSagittarius · 03/05/2023 04:57

They haven’t done anything wrong.

They’re allowed to meet up 1-on-1 if they want to.

You’re going the right way about ensuring you don’t get many invites at all in the future.

broadbeanquiche · 03/05/2023 05:01

If they didn't live so close you wouldn't have known and it wouldn't have been an issue. Perhaps you should move.

FarmGirl78 · 03/05/2023 05:58

She could have been taking back a book/dvd/wedding hat she'd borrowed, and got talking and stayed for a brew, such then descended into a longer chat

If I was you I might have felt a little bit "Oh. I'm left out" but never in a million years would I have text them to say they should have included you. That's very needy.....careful you don't exclude yourself from being invited round next time too!

Monkeynuts57 · 03/05/2023 06:05

I think you have probably come across as a bit needy and I think you are being a bit unreasonable.
these things happen and there’s not much you can do unfortunately! Trying to push yourself upon them when clearly they wanted 1 on 1 time is probably not going to go down well.
I’m sorry you are feeling hurt, but make your own meet ups and invite one or both or other friends in future ,
it could be that they are becoming closer friends and you will be left out more often
this happens so keep in mind! And perhaps accept that you won’t always be included and perhaps they don’t value your friendship in the same way.

SlashBeef · 03/05/2023 06:13

They're allowed to meet up alone. Don't perceive it as an issue with you.

Neopolitan · 03/05/2023 07:56

Maybe the visiting friend needed to confide in that friend about something. I think you sound needy and selfish. People are allowed to meet one-on-one, without you there every single time. You really had no right to send that text. There was a reason they met just the two of them, respect their wishes and stop thinking only of yourself. I think you made yourself look bad sending that text.