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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that replacing stolen food doesn't make taking it acceptable?

41 replies

Ahsoka2001 · 02/05/2023 01:09

I have a housemate who seems to think it's socially acceptable to eat/drink our stuff as long as he replaces it afterwards.

He admitted to eating my other housemate's tomatoes a few weeks ago when my housemate noticed they were missing. He then said he was going to replace them first thing in the morning but it slipped his mind.

Saturday night he knocks on my room door and asks if the cider on top of the fridge was mine. I say yes and he casually replies (with a tone as if he's simply asking about my day) "I drank one, I'll replace it tomorrow."

Well, he does indeed replace it but then proceeds to drink the replacement bottle he bought and message me, "Hi I'll replace the cider tomorrow."

I know me being silent about it isn't helpful (I'm one of those "avoid all conflict" types of people which is an issue I'm trying to fix). I will calmly, firmly ask him to just ask in future.

However, a friend I told about this said that they didn't think it's much of an issue, since it's only small stuff he's stealing and "at least he's replacing it, lots of people steal and never give back".

OP posts:
AnnieSnap · 02/05/2023 01:21

I’d find it really annoying and I’d make my view clear to him. Does your other flat mate feel the same way? If so, make it clear together. That said, stealing is overstating it since he always tells you and puts it back. Using that term with him is probably unnecessarily provocative.

NotMeSecretFormular · 02/05/2023 01:24

Get a small fridge for your room. Designate cupboards and put cupboards locks on. CF wont stop.

CaroleSinger · 02/05/2023 01:31

It sounds like you've all let him get away with it for too long. It's not going to stop unless you face it head on. Don't give him the message it's ok if he asks first. It's not ok. He should get his own stuff and stop treating you like his skivvies.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 02/05/2023 01:34

It's annoying because the whole point of buying it is so that it's there when YOU want it, not when they deign to replace it.

Not so bad if it's something there's a lot of, eg a carton of ciders and you still have lots of cans there, but bloody annoying when he finishes all of the tomatoes and they're not there for the meal you have planned - that is NOT on.

Cheezecake · 02/05/2023 01:49

Why can't he just buy it for himself in the first place, if he wants it? That's not on, you aren't his parents. Eventually if this continues, he will slip into forgetting to replace it at all.

snitzelvoncrumb · 02/05/2023 01:52

Talk to the other house mates and if all agree confront him together. Nicely ask him to stop. If he doesn’t then either move out or ask him to leave depending on who is on the lease.
Another option is insisting he replace the item immediately as you need it.

hockerydockerydick · 02/05/2023 01:56

It wouldn’t bother me IF it was replaced promptly

Poppyblush · 02/05/2023 06:42

Start stealing his stuff.

gogohmm · 02/05/2023 06:53

Depends what, using an onion or a tomato (not the last one) because you are cooking and ran out is different to the cider! I couldn't get worked up about the firmer as long as its replaced promptly, the cider example would bother me

Daleksatemyshed · 02/05/2023 06:57

If you'd said something when he first took your stuff he might have stopped but now he thinks it's OK. Just tell him you want him to stop or at least ask first, if he still goes on doing it then you have a bigger problem.

TulipCat · 02/05/2023 06:58

He needs grow up and learn how to do a weekly shop. Sure, using an onion as a one off is fine, but this guy consistently can't be bothered to get his own food in.

BeetleBailey · 02/05/2023 07:05

I wouldn't be happy about it

I bought it. Don't fucking touch it

AutumnCrow · 02/05/2023 07:10

Why don’t these flatmates ever have their own stuff? I’ve been plagued by PEOPLE since I was 19 years old seemingly not knowing that there are shops that sell the stuff they need and want.

It started with university flat mates. Unbelievably entitled, some of them. Too important to even buy their own bread and milk ffs. They knew they could just ‘nick’ some of mine.

If you say ‘no’ to them they get offended and make veiled insults about you being greedy. Awful people.

I don’t know if your flatware is one of these, OP, or simply a charming eccentric, but I do know how annoying it is to have this crap to deal with on top of work, life, shopping etc. Using the things he’s already replaced once is cheeky.

Florissant · 02/05/2023 07:18

I agree with the posts saying you and your flatmates need to get together to confront the food thief. Make it clear that if it continues he will be kicked out.

caringcarer · 02/05/2023 07:28

You and the person who had his tomatoes taken need to speak to this person together. Tell them you find it annoying and he needs to plan what he wants ahead and then do his own shopping. In a house share at Uni my dd had one of saucepans taken and food burned on to it. She was not happy and got the person who ruined it to replace it then kept her pans in her room. It is not acceptable to just take things.

NotAnotherBathBomb · 02/05/2023 07:55

Whoooo this has brought back some memories. You're luckier in this case as they're actually replacing it. I had someone announce they ate something of mine as they handed me money for it. So I had the privilege of going to the shop a second time.

I was new to the country then and new to flat-sharing, I moved out of there pretty quickly.

Shocking the way some people seem to have been raised.

NotAnotherBathBomb · 02/05/2023 07:56

Also had a pair of flat mates (a couple) who used to help themselves to everyone else's milk by drinking it straight from the bottle 🤢

That was was controversial as it was caught by the LL on a hidden camera, and there was a spectacular confrontation.

Hmmm maybe we should have a CF flatmate edition 😂

LittleBlueBrioTrain · 02/05/2023 08:00

You only have two options, hide it in your room, or lace it with laxatives.

AutumnCrow · 02/05/2023 08:09

My first house-share as a postgraduate was just the same. I'd been expecting more maturity from the house-mates but it was still grand theft central.

The main culprit, let's call her Amy, has probably never bought a loaf of bread or a pint of milk in her life. We were all amazed in later years to hear she'd had children, and wondered if she would realise she had to go to actual shops to buy food for them. In fact I can picture her eating their packed lunches out of the fridge at midnight, and then telling them in the morning, 'oooh I just nicked a little bit of your cheese sandwich. And the flapjack. And the banana.'

She was annoying in other ways, too. In so, so many ways ...

Precipice · 02/05/2023 08:14

NotAnotherBathBomb · 02/05/2023 07:56

Also had a pair of flat mates (a couple) who used to help themselves to everyone else's milk by drinking it straight from the bottle 🤢

That was was controversial as it was caught by the LL on a hidden camera, and there was a spectacular confrontation.

Hmmm maybe we should have a CF flatmate edition 😂

I'd be far more appalled and disturbed by a landlord filming me in the flat, in violation of my privacy, than a flatmate drinking my milk, even from the bottle.

nutbrownhare15 · 02/05/2023 08:31

Can you reply and say 'ok, perhaps you could buy yourself some of your own cans of cider at the same time'

AutumnCrow · 02/05/2023 08:45

nutbrownhare15 · 02/05/2023 08:31

Can you reply and say 'ok, perhaps you could buy yourself some of your own cans of cider at the same time'

You'd think, wouldn't you?

But an accomplished 'Amy' (CF) has a repertoire of replies:

  1. 'I don't really like cider that much'
  2. 'Oh I'm really skint at the minute'
  3. 'God I didn't realise how important it was to you to have your constant supply of alcohol on standby at all times'
  4. Some sort of strangulated grunting and sighing sound that shows how affronted they feel at your control freakery toward them.
EggInANest · 02/05/2023 08:51

“I’m not an in-house grocery shop. Could you get into the habit of buying what you need before you consume it?”

Just say it would be easier for everyone if people did not use-and-replace and can we stick to that please?

NotAnotherBathBomb · 02/05/2023 09:05

Precipice · 02/05/2023 08:14

I'd be far more appalled and disturbed by a landlord filming me in the flat, in violation of my privacy, than a flatmate drinking my milk, even from the bottle.

Show quote history

I did say it was controversial

mainsfed · 02/05/2023 09:17

Saturday night he knocks on my room door and asks if the cider on top of the fridge was mine. I say yes and he casually replies (with a tone as if he's simply asking about my day) "I drank one, I'll replace it tomorrow."

Well, he does indeed replace it but then proceeds to drink the replacement bottle he bought and message me, "Hi I'll replace the cider tomorrow."

Why didn’t he buy himself cider even he bought your replacement cider?

Because he’s getting you used to him stealing your food and drink. He’s banking on you no longer expecting him to replace it.

Tell him he needs to stop taking your stuff.