Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of the plus size double standard?

33 replies

Notbeinfunnehbut · 01/05/2023 22:30

I’m having some alterations to a dress by my aunt fairly covered long dress , sleeves etc neckline just a bit too low (lower than a u plunge bra) and just one or 2 stitches required I’d have done it myself but , anyway…

I was explaining to my aunt that anymore than one or 2 stitches it’ll ruin the style and look like a drab sack, and the reply I got was as bigger girls we should really be completely covered and that double standard really irks me, im an EE , i have cleavage is most of my dresses and I’m not dressing like a nun when someone who is a A cup wouldn’t be expected to,

it’s not the first time I’ve encountered this mentality , has any other plus size women become fed up with this double standard??

OP posts:
SeulementUneFois · 02/05/2023 06:26

Well it's just physics, it's about the amount of boob on show. An A cup would not have much boob on show in a style where you would.

Now whether one philosophically / socially agree with the concept of "boobs on show", and whether in some instances (let's say in extremis funerals, classrooms) this should be less than otherwise, that's a different matter.

Tallcurves · 02/05/2023 06:26

@Notbeinfunnehbut

i agrée with you as have the same issue

tinytemper66 · 02/05/2023 06:29

I am FF and hate any cleavage showing.

feralunderclass · 02/05/2023 06:57

Is she talking about just the boobs or because you are plus size in general? Not everyone who has big boobs is plus size. I'm plus size and don't have big boobs. My DM is very much if the opinion that fat needs to be covered up, 'flaunting' overweight limbs is discusting.

NEmama · 02/05/2023 07:06

Having all a large bust covered makes you look bigger all over. I agree you still want the style of the dress.
ee cup boobs with a well fitting bra will show more boob than A cup no matter what dress size

Semtee · 02/05/2023 07:10

I'm not sure. Sometimes in summer I feel uncomfortable when women have huge amounts of boob on show, especially when at work when I'm in professional dress and they're coming for a meeting in a stringy vest top that barely contains their assets. But I agree on the whole it's easy for a high neckline to look frumpy and if it's just a bit of cleavage that can be more flattering.

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 02/05/2023 07:11

Saying you're an EE doesn't give much clue to the size of your chest without reference to band size. I'm a DD and have a very small chest with no defined cleavage except for in a mighty push up bra.

Arginalia · 02/05/2023 07:13

I hate my oversized boobs. Covering them just looks 'matronly'; showing a lot of cleavage makes me feel self-conscious at my age (nearly 50). Can't win.

feralunderclass · 02/05/2023 07:25

There's a massive difference though between a high neckline and your tits spilling out. I had a friend who wore a wedding dress with the latter. It was the opposite of classy and her breasts very much stole the show on the day which it probably what she wanted.

Basilthymerosemary · 02/05/2023 07:32

Sorry OP but I agree to an extent. I have large boobs and some clothes which look amazing on smaller chests look downright indecent on me. It all depends on the cut/ style of the dress.

Wfhandbored · 02/05/2023 07:34

You just do things as you like them and ignore people who tell you otherwise. As long as you're not dipping your nips in someone's breakfast it's not their business

RitaFires · 02/05/2023 07:35

It's not a plus size double standard, it's a boob size double standard and applies to anyone with large breasts. You don't have to be showing cleavage either for people to make comments.

Quitelikeacatslife · 02/05/2023 07:37

When dressing got your shape you want to highlight the parts you feel confident with and agree that if you've chosen a dress that is looser in places then it needs to be more low cut. I wouldn't be spilling out anywhere but I'm not going to hide in a sack either
Some people think that anyone bigger than a 14 should just be miserable in a smock and sit in the corner and think about their life choices

Whiskyski · 02/05/2023 07:40

It’s only your aunts view. She doesn’t speak for everyone. I don’t think there is a double standard, as there is lots of body positive people.

fellrunner85 · 02/05/2023 07:41

Hmm. She's right to a point - of course larger women shouldn't automatically cover themselves up but, equally, if we're talking about having your boobs out, then dressing according to your shape and to the occasion is important.

I had huge boobs pre-DC and would have looked indecent in tops that I can easily wear for work now - purely because I would've been spilling out of the top of them. A cami top under a suit jacket, for example - looks "professional" on me now, but in my big-boobed days I'd have got a few odd looks (for good reason!)
But on the flip side, I used to look great in a wrap dress, whereas now they don't hang right at all as there's nothing to fill out the top part.
Dressing for your shape and for appropriate occasions isn't necessarily "double standards" - unless we drop social and professional dress codes altogether (which wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing!)

feralunderclass · 02/05/2023 07:45

Quitelikeacatslife · 02/05/2023 07:37

When dressing got your shape you want to highlight the parts you feel confident with and agree that if you've chosen a dress that is looser in places then it needs to be more low cut. I wouldn't be spilling out anywhere but I'm not going to hide in a sack either
Some people think that anyone bigger than a 14 should just be miserable in a smock and sit in the corner and think about their life choices

This is my DM. Any photos of a woman over a size 14 where she looks happy is something to be frowned upon. A distant family member (size 18) was a bridesmaid and shared the photos on Facebook. She looked absolutely overjoyed, which DM found audacious. Obviously the "right thing" for her to do was to respectfully decline from the position when offered Hmm

Nordicrain · 02/05/2023 07:48

Sounds like she is commenting on your boob size rather than being plus size? Bigger boobs look more booby/ in your face which is fairly obvious really. You might be happy with it, your aunt is more prudish in that respect. Find a professional seamstress if you don't trust your aunt.

knittingaddict · 02/05/2023 07:54

You seem to have misused "plus size" op.

I'm plus sized (not for much longer). Sadly my boobs are not. Worst of both worlds really. I would have loved a bit of boob to balance out my enormous stomach.

feralunderclass · 02/05/2023 08:01

@knittingaddict I have the same problem. The lack of proportion just looks so off 😭

WimpoleHat · 02/05/2023 08:02

I’m petite and slim - but have pretty big boobs (and noticeably so for the size of the rest of me, if you see what I mean!). And I dress pretty conservatively for that reason; not because I’m fat, but because anything tight or low cut looks very, very obvious. I have a jersey dress (from Boden of all places) that my DH thinks is really sexy and loves me to wear if we go out on a “date” type night. I save it for that sort of occasion. Last year, I saw one of my taller, bigger (but less buxom) friends wear the same dress for school sports day. I admired it; she looked lovely. It was loose and casual and perfectly appropriate. If I’d gone in mine, I would have looked attention seeking and overly dressed up for the occasion. It’s definitely about how clothes look on you, rather than what size you are.

SquirrelsAreStinky · 02/05/2023 08:21

WimpoleHat · 02/05/2023 08:02

I’m petite and slim - but have pretty big boobs (and noticeably so for the size of the rest of me, if you see what I mean!). And I dress pretty conservatively for that reason; not because I’m fat, but because anything tight or low cut looks very, very obvious. I have a jersey dress (from Boden of all places) that my DH thinks is really sexy and loves me to wear if we go out on a “date” type night. I save it for that sort of occasion. Last year, I saw one of my taller, bigger (but less buxom) friends wear the same dress for school sports day. I admired it; she looked lovely. It was loose and casual and perfectly appropriate. If I’d gone in mine, I would have looked attention seeking and overly dressed up for the occasion. It’s definitely about how clothes look on you, rather than what size you are.

I agree with this.

I have big boobs which sprouted at an early age and have always commanded attention, no matter what I wear. I tend to nearly always go for v-necks of some description because higher necks make me look shapeless and lumpy.

But I do try and consider the occasion and what's appropriate - and I don't wear clothing that would be fine on a smaller-breasted woman. That's because when you've got big boobs, clothes can look a lot more sexual rather than just casual. A dress with lots of boob showing looks entirely different on a more modestly boobed woman where the natural line of the dress covers up most of their breasts.

That is partly the society we live in - breasts are seen as sexy, and as women we know and understand that. It's not just men that treat our breasts as sexual - lots of women do too, including with the way women dress to highlight them. So there's really no point pretending it's just another body part, like an arm. Breasts are sexy little devil dumplings, regardless of what size they are!

You don't need to cover yourself in a sack to hide your breasts, but at the same time you don't need to have them hanging out. When there's a lot more breast showing - as there will be with bigger boobs - it changes the whole vibe of the dress/top.

Totally understandable that you don't want to ruin the line of the dress. Being completely covered seems unreasonable. There should be a happy medium in the middle though, surely?

DeflatedAgain · 02/05/2023 08:24

As an official A cup wearer I can confirm we would have very little to show off 😂

I can't even buy any top or dress thats not across/lower than my collarbone because it looks absolutely ridiculous on me.

HotPenguin · 02/05/2023 08:46

A lot depends on where you are wearing the dress. I have larger than average boobs I would not wear anything to work that showed any cleavage whatsoever. I don't think it's a double standard really as men in my work are wearing shirts buttoned to the neck.

If I was going out on an evening then I would show a bit and if I was at the beach it's different again.

Coffeeandbourbons · 02/05/2023 08:48

I have big boobs and am mindful of the tops I wear, I don’t like showing too much cleavage as it looks cheap and tacky. There’s no denying an A-cup would look far classier in a plunging top than me, it’s just the way it is, like lots of things in life. On the other hand men love my big boobs so every cloud

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 02/05/2023 08:52

I have big boobs, and, unless I wear fairly fitted clothing, they make me look as though I am big all over. I'm not, I'm a size 10, but clothes hang from my boobs, the rest of me doesn't touch, and I end up looking as though I fill the clothing out all the way down. So I have to (carefully) find clothes that hug my boobs and then my waist. But clothes that hug my boobs - well, hug my boobs.